If I Would Be Given A Chance to Turn Back the Time...
We know it's impossible to go back, to turn back the time and redo our life again in the past, erasing scars and choosing the other way around. But sometimes, when it seems nothing right is going on your life, you can't help but wonder and wished that you could turn back the time and change the way things were.
I've done a million mistake in my life, too many mistakes like the stars on a night sky, though some of them I did not regret because of lessons learned; some things are just so heartbreaking that I have to cry every time I remember.
They are just so painful to remember and wished I've done the other way. But in this life, you'll just wake up and realized it was already too late - to mend every second of the wasted time that cannot be fixed.
Though I may be able to meet that crossroad again but still I'm trying to fix the lane I'm treading on this life. This is far from perfection but as I always say, happiness doesn’t depend on other's perspective but your own. If you want to be happy in this life, it's your choice.
Decide and choose what makes you happy and those that will make your life worth living every moment of every single day.
If I could turn back the time, I will prevent the pains from scarring my heart, though it won't be perfectly scar-free but then I know that I've done my best and not just turn away every time I feel weak. I would care and love without hesitation and would neither whine nor get tired loving the people around me.
I just realized it now because I happen to experience the pain of seeing someone you love so much went with forever. And it's too late to make up those good old days when they're still here.
Sometimes when I’m alone I used to think too much. Then I would try hard not to remember every single pain of yesterday but it was impossible to ignore. It’s like sirens that keeps on waking up my memories that I wanted to forget.
And now I am finding solitude to the silence and to the memories of a once-forgotten-dream. And if time permits itself to go backward, I will make sure to paint a picture so bright that good memories will overlap those bad experiences. But I will never forget and will always pocket those lessons learned. It might really come in handy since future is a long way to travel.
People will say "Past is past, move on!"
It's so easy to say when you haven't experienced the hurts and pains of the person you're telling those words. Yearning for yesterday makes you think of a life that could have been.
Though it is not healthy to always look back and cry for nothing, it is also one way of crafting your future based on your experiences because you know and feel that every choice and decision you're making is also molding the future you want for yourself.
But for sure, I will choose again the relationship I have right now. I cannot say that it was perfect and that I have everything I wanted. In fact, it was real imperfect that it hurts so much that I even hide it from myself.
But I don't care if this is the most imperfect love the world has ever seen or the saddest love story a person would ever read someday but I am very sure that this is the most perfect definition of a woman in love. At least, I know how to love and be loved in return than not having to experience it in my life.
All I wanted to say is, I love you way too much to leave.
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