- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing»
- Creative Writing»
- Humor Writing
If I were Satan?
"If I were Satan?" It is a strange title but I was thinking, "What would I do if I wanted to screw up the works of God?" Hmm?
First, I would start organized religions, a bunch of them. They would all think that they are exclusively right! Oh yes...I can make evil appear to be good. Make them believe that the earth is 6,000 years old. LOL....It took me that long to explain the Platypus I designed to my fellow fallen angels. You know, that poisonous beaver/duck thing. Nobody is perfect!
Second....Hmm? I have to have a lure. Ah....money and power! Somebody has to run and promote the religion. YES!.....pay them very well! Take excellent care of my boys just for squawking! Oh how they will live in the lap of luxury and bountiful blessings because they are spreading the word! Oh ho ho...they will do a lot of spreading in the congregations. Genius!!!
Third.....I need a gimmick. The Nazarene made it tough with that love stuff! Hmm? They did murder him though. I need an idol. Hmm...oh yeah! The murder tool! The cross! That can be my gimmick! They will forget all about that Jesus love your brother, blah, blah blah.....if I give them a symbol to worship and have them believe that everybody who doesn't worship it their way....goes directly to eternal hell and does not pass GO! Haaa....Genius!
Fourth....Muslims...Hmm? I already made them hate Jews. Hmm? How can I make them hate Christians? That's it! Infidels of course! Destroy the infidels! Hell yes! I can promise them 70 virgins and a mansion. Oh I am good...hehehehehe....
Fifth.....The Nazarene is really going to be pissed at me for this one. Have the religions believe that God is punishing mankind, killing innocent people....diseases, plagues, Paris Hilton, etc. Hmm?...Might as well throw in a few disasters! I love that contradiction...God of love kills and tortures for eternity! Oh I am sooooo deliciously devious.
Sixth.....That's it! I'll make the Christians hate each other over doctrine! Star Belly Sneeches! Thanks Seuss! The Cross Belly Christians.....Genius!
Seventh....Make them believe that my power is only in the secular world . It's hard to think that humans would be so ignorant to believe that I am restricted to places like Rome, Athens,Washington,Vegas,Cleveland, etc. The secular world bores me. Blah, blah...I've done it all. I can make them hate the secular world and keep to themselves, therefore retaining my influence in both through division.....Genius!
Eighth....I can make them think that if they give money to my religion, they will be rewarded ten fold in monetary value. Wow....I just turned the grace of love into lust for filthy money! They wont want his love! They will want my money! "More, yes, more, yes more," They'll cry! I can envision a Black Friday sale at Walmart! They will trample each other to get their Happy Birthday Nazarene goodies! Genius!
Ninth.....I have to keep confusion of the truth going. Hmm? Did the Dead Sea scrolls thing. Released hidden books of the bible and multiple opinionated versions. Hmm? Ah...that's it! Damn...it's been there all along! "What's in it for me?" Good old reliable greed. ROFL! They'll scream, "Nanny Nanny boo boo....I get a mansion and you go to hell!" Why do they always fall for that one? It's a spiritual mansion the Nazarene was speaking of....DUH! I had one but was evicted by YOU KNOW WHO!
Tenth.....Let me see....hmm? The icing on the cake. Oh...all the wonderful works they did in his name! I can't wait until the day he tells them,"Go away from me, I never knew you!" Genius!
Hmm? I am kind of wondering tho....Is God letting me do this? Naaaa...I'm a GENIUS!