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If I were a Famous Author...

Updated on July 2, 2020

a short poem

If I were a famous author and this ink would spill itself,

I'd retire as my works appeared upon the shelves.

I'd be all booked at Borders to sign my masterpiece of poems,

as hipsters lined the streets to see the mustache that I've grown!

Their tattoo and punctured girlfriends would salivate at my tone.

I'd Pull Pavlov's tricks, then just say "Go home."


I'd go to my estate where my girlfriend's in her lingerie,

she'd hold a glass of scotch with nothing much to say.

With crystal to my lips she'd poor me just a sip,

take herself a drink and sway off with those hips.


'cause I'd have business with smug, slimy socialites,

unscrupulous! self promoting types!

But it would all be business,

as their wives flirtatiously touched my arm,

but who could blame them

with looks, wit and my charm!


I'd forgive it,

and order something French.

They'd compliment my culture

as we ate cheese with a stench.

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    • LVidoni5 profile imageAUTHOR

      Leone Vidoni 

      8 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Thanks xstatic! Glad you thought so. I've actually never had anything but single malt scotch. It was great!

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 

      8 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      Funny and interesting poem! I hope that would be a single malt scotch.

    • LVidoni5 profile imageAUTHOR

      Leone Vidoni 

      8 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Cleaner! Hey, glad you liked it. Lol, I don't want all this, but paying rent while writing would be nice- one day. Thanks for the great words.

      Come by anytime!

      Happy Holidays!

      -brian

    • LVidoni5 profile imageAUTHOR

      Leone Vidoni 

      8 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Hey Moms- I could go for an iced caramel coffee! But if fame and notoriety come first I won't complain. I enjoy be a starving artist as well, but I picture successful writers drinking scotch and hanging out with rich narcisists. I won't hold my breath for that life.... or a smoothie for that matter ;)

      Happy New Year!

      -brian

    • cleaner3 profile image

      cleaner3 

      8 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      hey , I like your poem!

      great style and stays on topic.. great write, keep it up and you just might get what you don't want! LOL

    • Moms-Secret profile image

      Lissette 

      8 years ago from Central Florida

      Makes me glad I'm a starving artist and not a famous author. I wouldn't want slimy socialites wives manhandling me or a half naked chick trying to get me to drink scotch. Now if she brings a smoothy or a caramel iced coffee with whip cream, she can stay. Lol.

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