ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

If I were a Famous Author...

Updated on July 2, 2020

a short poem

If I were a famous author and this ink would spill itself,

I'd retire as my works appeared upon the shelves.

I'd be all booked at Borders to sign my masterpiece of poems,

as hipsters lined the streets to see the mustache that I've grown!

Their tattoo and punctured girlfriends would salivate at my tone.

I'd Pull Pavlov's tricks, then just say "Go home."

I'd go to my estate where my girlfriend's in her lingerie,

she'd hold a glass of scotch with nothing much to say.

With crystal to my lips she'd poor me just a sip,

take herself a drink and sway off with those hips.

'cause I'd have business with smug, slimy socialites,

unscrupulous! self promoting types!

But it would all be business,

as their wives flirtatiously touched my arm,

but who could blame them

with looks, wit and my charm!

I'd forgive it,

and order something French.

They'd compliment my culture

as we ate cheese with a stench.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • LVidoni5 profile imageAUTHOR

      Leone Vidoni 

      8 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Thanks xstatic! Glad you thought so. I've actually never had anything but single malt scotch. It was great!

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 

      8 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      Funny and interesting poem! I hope that would be a single malt scotch.

    • LVidoni5 profile imageAUTHOR

      Leone Vidoni 

      8 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Cleaner! Hey, glad you liked it. Lol, I don't want all this, but paying rent while writing would be nice- one day. Thanks for the great words.

      Come by anytime!

      Happy Holidays!


    • LVidoni5 profile imageAUTHOR

      Leone Vidoni 

      8 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Hey Moms- I could go for an iced caramel coffee! But if fame and notoriety come first I won't complain. I enjoy be a starving artist as well, but I picture successful writers drinking scotch and hanging out with rich narcisists. I won't hold my breath for that life.... or a smoothie for that matter ;)

      Happy New Year!


    • cleaner3 profile image


      8 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      hey , I like your poem!

      great style and stays on topic.. great write, keep it up and you just might get what you don't want! LOL

    • Moms-Secret profile image


      8 years ago from Central Florida

      Makes me glad I'm a starving artist and not a famous author. I wouldn't want slimy socialites wives manhandling me or a half naked chick trying to get me to drink scotch. Now if she brings a smoothy or a caramel iced coffee with whip cream, she can stay. Lol.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)