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If You Were a "Fly on The Wall," What Would You Hear?

Updated on November 30, 2016
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth has been a member of HubPages for five years. He is retired from a 23-year career in the weekly newspaper business.

Writer's note: This hub's subject is filthy, without feeling, annoying and causes sickness and disease everywhere it lives. I want to talk briefly about the common housefly. (See detailed origin below). Now for the part that I dread (because what hubber wants credit for inspiring a piece about houseflies) A fellow hubber and cherished follower, DreamerMeg, suggested this topic a few days ago and after much thought, I said to myself, "why not?" Thanks, dear DreamerMeg. Kenneth.

Fly at work
Fly at work | Source
The common housefly
The common housefly | Source

Housefly's origin

The housefly (also house fly, house-fly or common housefly), Musca domestica, is a fly of the suborder Cyclorrhapha. It is believed to have evolved in the Cenozoic era, possibly in the Middle East, and has spread all over the world. It is the most common fly species found in habitations. Adult insects are grey to black with four dark longitudinal lines on the thorax, slightly hairy bodies and a single pair of membranous wings. They have red eyes, and the slightly larger female has these set further apart than the male.

There are two more sayings that come to mind: "Boy, I'd love to be a fly on the wall," and "Be careful what you wish for." Both are known to all of us. And right now, both are married into the text of the rest of this hub.

I am going to be a rebel (Nick Adams plug) for a moment and not put anymore serious housefly text here for you to read for I am convinced that you have lives and families, jobs, and mortgages to pay and not spend your time reading things about the common housefly. So here is my headline:

Obscure-but-always visible to human beings
Obscure-but-always visible to human beings | Source

Main Housefly Myth Debunked

The female housefly usually only mates once and stores the sperm for later use. She lays batches of about 100 eggs on decaying organic matter such as garbage, carrion or feces. These soon hatch into legless white maggots which after 2 to 5 days of development transform into reddish-brown pupae, about 8 mm (0.3 in) long. Adult flies normally live for 2 to 4 weeks but can hibernate during the winter. The adults feed on a variety of liquid or semi-liquid substances beside solid materials which have been softened by saliva. They carry pathogens on their bodies and in their feces and can contaminate food and contribute to the transfer of food-borne illnesses. For these reasons they are considered pests, but have been used in the laboratory in research into ageing and sex determination.

Side view of housefly head
Side view of housefly head | Source
Housefly about to start assault on some food left out by forgetful humans
Housefly about to start assault on some food left out by forgetful humans | Source
Even the lowly housefly appreciates beauty. This fly perches on a leaf of a rosebush
Even the lowly housefly appreciates beauty. This fly perches on a leaf of a rosebush | Source
Musca domestica larva This was for those who love the Latin language
Musca domestica larva This was for those who love the Latin language | Source

How do you Honestly feel about houseflies?

See results
  • (One male housefly to the other) "Man, I love it when she rubs her legs together. Look!"
    "This eating out every night in the Food Galaxy dumpster is getting old, Harold."
  • "Why am I breaking up with you, Sissy? Well, for one thing, you are so sticky--always wanting to fly with me and land whereever I land and I need my space."
  • "Hey, buster. I am not your wife. Why don't you clean a few hundred of your eyes!"
  • "Swatter! Hit the dirt!"
  • "Hey, bud. I was just talking to Bill over there on the week-old banana peel and he was saying something about a new spray called "Raid" or something that humans will use to get rid of us."
  • "Charlie, I am at my wits end. My wife's leaving me and taking all of the two million larva with her."
  • "Why did I leave Beverly's house? Well she accused me of being a troublemaker and told her quick that I was no "fly in the ointment."
  • (one actor housefly to the other backstage): "Ned, this is it. You get out there and 'break two or three legs."
  • "Hey, what's with this saying that humans are saying, "time flies?" "We fly. Not time."
  • "Yeah, and that old song my grandflies told me, "Fly's in the buttermilk . . .skip-to-my-Lou, my darling!"
  • "What nerve! That Henry thinks he's really big with the ladies just because he bites a few horses each day."
  • "Hey, Marge! Did you throw out my month-old bologna? I was going to eat that while I watched the humans play that football game."
  • "So, Jeff, I hear you are going on a vacation." "You bet I am. I am headed to the part of the country that has outdoor toilets." "You lucky fly. Wish I were going with you."
  • "Hey, look at me on this snail's back! Wheeeeee!"
  • "Frog! Hit the dirt!"
  • "I'm hot as fire because I keep hearing about these abusive sportsmen using our cousins for bait. You know? Fly fishing! Wish I had enough pull with the legislature to get that sport banned."
  • "Well, I am mad too. I was told just an hour ago to 'shoo fly." "We do not wear shoes. What an idiot."
  • "Larry, you been fighting again?" "No, why?" "Well, you have two hundred black eyes."
  • "There's that Henry horsefly again acting so gangsta with his wings buzzing. Must be some females around."
  • "David, have you put on a few pounds?" "Yep. I found myself a new treat: a jar of mayonnaise that some kid forgot to put the lid back on."
  • "Exterminator! Hit the dirt!"
  • "Jim, why are we named house flies?" "Well, because house walks sounds awful stupid."
  • "Gotta love that Jeff Goldblum for doing "The Fly." He is one good human."
  • "What about Vincent Price? He was first to a film about a fly!"
  • "That Gene is so lazy. Just look at him riding around on that cat's tail."
  • "Did you hear the news? Jean is dating that new guy in the landfill, that mosquito." "Well, I never. Does she not know that we do not approve of mixed marriages?"
  • "Goodness, that man just cut his arm." "Watch it! Here come the cannibal houseflies who just thrive on human blood." "No, Libby. That's a vampire bat you are thinking of."
  • "Heyyy, look. There's Jeanne flying around with her tail all up in the air just because she was one of the ten-thousand flies that appeared for only a moment in The Amityville Horror."
  • "Iguana! Hit the dirt!"
  • "Man, I wish I were a human leaning up against this wall."

So with that last fly-related statement, I give you the moral of this hub:

"The next time you say, 'I wish I could be a fly on the wall,' to hear something about someone or something that has aroused your curiosity, and your wish is granted placing you inside a filthy, vermin-ridden dumpster remember . . .you should have "been careful for what you wish for."

In closing, next time out, and it will take me quite a while to get it done, but "hold your horses," for the hub of hubs where I deal with "What Most Turtles Are Dwelling On While on Earth."

Good night, Duluth, Minnesota.

Birdseye view of housefly
Birdseye view of housefly | Source

Read this link for more interesting information:

© 2016 Kenneth Avery


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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      19 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hey, Terrielynn,

      You are not only a very honest girl, but a very sweet girl to tolerate (as much as you can) those parasites aka/flies.

      I cannot blame your YUKK for the flies. I too cannot stand them, but I thought that the lowly fly would make great fodder for a comedy hub.

      Write me soon.

    • Terrielynn1 profile image

      Terrie Lynn 

      19 months ago from Canada

      Ugg. Kenneth I hate them. We have had 3 seasons in 2 weeks. They are hatching everywhere. Yuk. I found this interesting and discusting at the same time. Have a great day.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      23 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Suhail and my dog,

      Your comments are appreciated and received

      in a welcome spirit.

      Thank you so much.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      23 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Sakina :)

      Thank you for the sweet comments. I loved them.

      Actually, they made me feel great.

      God bless you richly.

    • Suhail and my dog profile image

      Suhail Zubaid aka Clark Kent 

      23 months ago from Mississauga, ON

      I am rolling on floor with laughter.

      Your creativity is increasing exponentially, Ken.


    • SakinaNasir53 profile image

      Sakina Nasir 

      23 months ago from Kuwait

      Great hub Kenneth! Your imagination is so unique and powerful! Such an interesting piece. Great job and keep up the good work! Waiting for your next hub! Take care. God bless you! ☺

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      23 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, DreamerMeg,

      How are things in Northern Ireland?

      I am the one who is Honored to be blessed with a Sincere Friend as Yourself. I wish that I could do a lot more besides naming you as the inspiration for this piece.

      It was a lot of fun to do.

      Maybe I can get enough quotes from a few turtles to get a good hub from them in the near future.

      And yes, you are to thank for that one also.

      Oh, Dreamer, you and yours have a Safe and Happy Merry CHRISTmas.

    • DreamerMeg profile image


      23 months ago from Northern Ireland

      Hi Kenneth, I am proud to have inspired someone to write such a great hub, even if it is about a filthy subject! Listeners never hear well of themselves, so they say and those pesky flies have just proved it!

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      23 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Road Monkey,

      Thank you ever so much for your great comment about flies. I have to agree with you that they do have their place in the grand scheme of things, but I cannot figure out the importance of Ticks, Fleas and other pestilences.

      Someday maybe.

      I give you a warm pat on the back for your prudence in protecting food from flies although the flies probably are boycotting your home due to you being protective with your eats.

      But I do not want to get between a friend and their flies.

      Write anytime.

      And have a Merry CHRISTmas.


    • RoadMonkey profile image


      23 months ago

      LOL. You know there are not as many flies around these days as there were when I was young. They could have been fifty flying up near the ceiling on a warm summer's day, nowadays, there might be one. Must be why we don't hear as much from the fly on the wall as we used to! Thanks for resurrecting the conversation.

      I know they climb all over dirt but even flies have their place in this world, their larvae help to get rid of that rotting flesh, as well as the bacteria that are also there. So i wouldn't get rid of them, though of course, I cover up food or put it in the fridge!

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      23 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      always exploring,

      Well, thank you, sweet friend. I appreciate your comment and kind words along with your warm spirit.

      I am with you on the glad about them going away when the weather went cold like it is here in northwest Alabama.

      I wish you a Merry CHRISTmas before time. We never know when our lives will conclude.

      Write me anytime you like.


    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      23 months ago from Southern Illinois

      This is hilariously funny. I see fly's in a different light, maybe they're not so bad after all? I must say that I'm glad they took flight when the weather turned cold. Enjoyed your story of the fry. Well done Kenneth!!


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