If not for you - a poem of loss & gratitude
‘If Not for You'
By Tony DeLorger © 15/9/2010
If it weren’t for you I would not know the pain of impending loss,
or the exquisite longing to be by your side.
If not for you I would never have experienced confusion and doubt
and feelings of jealous rage surging through my veins.
If it weren’t for you I would have fallen prey to my idealism
and incurable romanticism.
You, your enticing flesh and irrepressible smile have intoxicated me
for too long, my mind lost in a cloud of obscure perceptions.
I have dreamed a life, entwined in untruths and wishes,
unable to grasp my own reality.
Life has become a mirror, a reflection of dreams,
spent of all authenticity.
If not for you I would not know the light that has passed me by,
chosen not to bathe my weary soul,
nor conquer the darkness that surrounds me.
You have taken what you need and judged what you don’t,
unable to face your own mirror.
I thank you for your intuition, your sense of balance and economy.
You have been my teacher, my greatest lesson.
If it weren’t for you I would not have discovered what love is.
Far from the flesh and as uncomplicated as truth can be,
love is like a silent current
that weaves its way through life, touching everything.
We judge relationships through culture,
what is expected as a taught process.
But love is not a process but a state of mind,
given not just to a partner but to all that is life.
How can I love a partner when I do not love humanity,
every child, animal and being sharing our world?
Love pours from every positive intention, action and kindness.
We are all surrounded by love in all its forms but still relate it to sex
and selfish thought.
You have taught me all this.
I now find love in abundance: in my child’s eyes, my cat’s purr,
a stranger’s smile, human struggle and achievement
and every act of kindness.
If it weren’t for you, I would not understand
what a real relationship means,
what it looks like and when it is right.
No longer will I act out of need or dream, but search no more,
ready to love my life and experience all that is positive.
I will no longer strive, knowing that if love wishes to find me,
I will recognise it.
All this you have done for me.