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I'm Not Wicked, I'm Just Crazy
The Real Story of Snow White, As Told by Her Stepmother
I know what you all probably think of me after my dear stepdaughter's story. But you'll soon find that's all it was--just a story. There's really not much truth to it at all. She took a few minor misunderstandings and blew them way out of proportion.
The truth is I'm not bad at all. I'm really quite nice when you get to know me. Besides, I have an explanation for what I did to Snow White, which isn’t at all like what she’s told everyone.
You see, it all started when everyone started noticing how pretty she was getting…
Once Upon a Time...
There was this pretty little goody-goody girl named Snow White. And then, of course, there was her father; a king whose wife became deathly ill and unfortunately passed away. An event, I assure you, I had nothing to do with.
Well, the king decided that Snow White needed a mother by her side while she grew up. You see, a mother is needed to help get through those hard times that every young child faces now and then. And that’s where I come in. The king married me.
At first, everything was going great, I mean, I’m beautiful, smart and--let’s not forget that now I’m the queen! What could go wrong? Trust Snow White to find just the thing to ruin it all. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have someone going around singing about every little thing all day long? It’s enough to make a person nutty. And then there were all those animals she let into the castle making a mess all the time. It was a lot to put up with.
Even with how difficult she was, I tried my best to be a good mother to her. I even read her the occasional bed time story. Really, I did! But things became more strained between us when the king died; another very unfortunate event that had nothing to do with me. And of course, I was very sad about the whole thing. It was all I could think about. Now who would sit next to me in the throne room? Who would I dance with at the next ball? And then there was the fact that I now had to wear black, my least flattering color, for the next year to show how sad I was about his death. You can see it was all very upsetting.
When I first arrived at the kingdom, I got all the attention because of being so beautiful and fair. Then, everyone just gradually forgot about gorgeous me (it was probably the black clothes) and went on to the Miss-Perfectly-Sweet-and-Innocent Snow White, with her beauty now considered more fair than mine.
Really, thinking on it now, I think everyone just felt sorry for her. But coming from a temperamental family, naturally my actions upon learning of this were a little over-the-top. So I joked to a woodsman who happened to be at the castle that day to that I wished someone would just take her deep into the forest and kill her. Who would have thought that he’d take me seriously and really do it? I know I certainly didn’t!
When he came back and told me he had “gotten rid of her,” I couldn’t believe it! He’d actually done it! I felt terrible! I didn’t want to believe that it was true, it was just too terrible! But I had a tiny measure of hope inside of me, which led me to my next course of action.
I went to my magic mirror—Can you blame a person for using their talents?—I asked the mirror to show me the “fairest of them all,” as Snow White had become known as. I was really hoping against hope for a glimpse of my beautiful stepdaughter.
This time, I had calmed down and was thinking like a normal person, so I did not get angry when the mirror showed me her reflection. I was just so relieved to see Snow White alive and well. Of course, I felt awful that the woodsman had lied to me, but I was glad that she was unharmed. She was as pretty as ever. In fact, she seemed quite happy with her situation, living in a cottage with seven little dwarfs.
I didn’t want any hard feelings between us over all the trouble I accidentally caused her. So I decided to take her some of my best apples in the entire kingdom. But somehow, and I have no idea to this day how it happened, some of the poisonous apples I’d been experimenting with to get rid of those pesky rodents in the castle got mixed up with the good ones I was taking to Snow White.
I had to disguise myself as an old woman because I knew she would refuse to see me after the nonsense the woodsman had told her. It was his fault for not understanding a bad joke when he heard one, but I knew she wouldn’t believe me. I had to take her by surprise so that I could straighten things out.
When I got there, everything was going just fine at first. I started out with some small conversation, trying to get brave enough to tell her who I really was. I gave her an apple, hoping it would sweeten her up a little so she would forgive me. I handed her one, a big toothless grin on my face (from the disguise, remember), and I waited for to take a bite so I could tell her the truth.
But instead of smiling at me after taking a bite, she grabbed her throat, made a horrible face and then fell to the ground. It was then I realized she’d gotten one of the poisonous apples by mistake! All rational thought just left my mind. I was so scared out of my mind about what happened that instead of staying and helping her (like I would have done if I were thinking straight), I ran off to look for one of those seven dwarfs to fix the problem. It was then I realized I had no idea where they worked. I was running around in a panic, thinking that nobody would believe me when I told them that this was all just one big accident. I was going crazy from the thought of it all when I realized how I must look. I started laughing like a maniac, only because of my disguise it came out sounding like a evil cackle.
So there you have it...
That’s how it all really happened, but everyone just thought the story sounded better the other way. They didn’t care that it made me out to be the “wicked witch.
Anyway, the point should be that she turned out just fine and even married that nice prince. So in a way, you could say that all the good came from my craziness. And that’s the real story. You believe me, don’t you?