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I'm Not a 1963 Corvette Stingray but...

Updated on April 8, 2011
Thank you Joe on flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/papajoe/  for the use of your photo.
Thank you Joe on flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/papajoe/ for the use of your photo.


I am a high performance vehicle.

I require large amounts of both verbal and physical attention to run properly.

Not enough and you get rumbling instead instead of purring.

If I am abandoned for long periods, it becomes hard to get me to turn over.

I enjoy being taken out on Saturday nights for a good time.

I like to be attentively washed when ever I feel dirty.

A well conditioned seat and sparkling undercarriage are mandatory.

I don’t need to get gassed up often, but when I am, I’m even more fun to ride.

You’ll be surprised to find I never need a lube job.

Your friends may want to take me for a spin, but you must never let them.

If you take care of me, you’ll come to value me more as the years go by.

Your friends will envy you, even the ones with the younger models.

Cause baby,

they just don’t make em’ like me any more.


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    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 6 years ago from Near the Ocean

      If only Leroy. My ex bought a bright red, 5 sped, Iroc convertible right before I met him. It still looks great after 20+ years. You caught the "ex" part right.

    • leroy64 profile image

      Brian L. Powell 6 years ago from Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff)

      If more guys treated their women like they treat their cars. maybe the dating jungle would be less confusing to us guys. Maybe not. Still 63 corvette got my attention.

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 6 years ago from Near the Ocean

      See I can be kinda funny Q.

    • What Is Q profile image

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      I absolutely love the '63 Corvette Stingray. She's got a beautiful build. I've never been inside, but I've seen pictures. This hub is very informative, clever, and funny. I feel like I know a little more about cars now.

    • profile image

      ralwus 6 years ago

      LOL my truck roars. When she purrs I now just pat her and stroke her. Sometimes I kiss her ear, but then she goes nuts. hehe

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 6 years ago from Near the Ocean

      The F150 purrrs or your wife Charlie? Cause in a woman a purr is the first step to MeowArrrrr, which you know.

    • profile image

      ralwus 6 years ago

      LOL Well, I am glad you went sideways. I sorta like a good rumble myself, like my F-150 4x4 Eddie Bauer. My wife recently learned she runs like an old falcon. She only purrrs now. I feel guilty; like I have neglected her chassis of late.

    • MrKnowledge profile image

      MrKnowledge 7 years ago from Tacoma!

      The European part was most definitely referring to the car. They may be more exotic and fun, but they are much more high maintenance. When it comes to women, I prefer them to be made in America. Nothing fancy and exotic just to keep them "running", and you can get them dirty. My European car doesn't make it more than a month before I have to wash it down

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Oh! Well in that case, I wish I was European. And I wish I had three days...

    • MrKnowledge profile image

      MrKnowledge 7 years ago from Tacoma!

      Maybe you misinterpreted me. ;) lol

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      I've never enjoyed driving much more than a couple of hours unless it was to get somewhere. I'd never go just to go. But then I drive a Ford.

    • MrKnowledge profile image

      MrKnowledge 7 years ago from Tacoma!

      There's something about those European cars... Cruising down the highway at 130. CRUISING. The road passing gently underneath you, the car handling the corners like they're not even there. Getting on the interstate and stretching the legs. Not caring about speed limits or direction. Going for the long haul, stopping only to gas back up and hit the road again. 2500 miles later deciding to stop and turn back. That's what the car was made for. You don't pamper it, or baby it. You push it to it's limits. Make her do what you want her to. If there's open road and you're not into her to the fullest, you aren't treating her right. I love my car, I can take her out for 3 days straight of driving, and when I get out, I don't feel relieved to be out of the car, I'm anxious to get back in and push her some more.

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Cars don't generally do it for me, but James Bond references do :)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 7 years ago

      ...and yes I have the Aston Martin from the Bond film - Goldfinger - parked in my drive-way ......

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Oh MFB, you give great comment! You would make me purr for sure.

    • MFB III profile image

      MFB III 7 years ago from United States

      maintainence of a man's most important transportation to paradise is vital to his happiness and long life. You would be akin to a long, sleek bliss filled cruise in a Jag with her top down, summer breeze tossing two lengths of hair, favorite song adding syncopation to the shifting of the stick, the sun nowhere near as warm as your lips, your embrace... nothing but miles of smiles, and all of it fueled by love and some gentle care, sounds like the perfect vehicle for any man to savor.~~~LOL~~~MFB III

    • Enigmatic Me profile image

      7 years ago from East Coast Canada

      Randy, I am glad I can be a muse... amusing maybe?

      I am inspired by your rich velvety writings... one day I will be a writer.

    • MrKnowledge profile image

      MrKnowledge 7 years ago from Tacoma!

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Hi Enigmatic! I dearly love to make you smile. You comments make me want to write.

      Mr. Knowledge.... so he babied his new sexy work truck with with Armorall daily. He was excited by all the bells and whistles, the thing was loaded. Gradually it became just a truck. Then he covered the dash with unpaid bill and threw weeks of drive through burger bags on the floor. Only when fate spun it outta control and there was nothing left to salvage did he regret the loss of it. Guess I shoulda known.

    • MrKnowledge profile image

      MrKnowledge 7 years ago from Tacoma!

      I believe you can. While some men like have clean houses, and some have messy, they tend to care for their car more. You can tell the kind of husband they would be by how they treat their mother, and what kind of mate they would be by how they drive/treat their car.

    • Enigmatic Me profile image

      7 years ago from East Coast Canada

      Little Deuce coup got nothin on you Randy!!

      Always a smile gracing my face when reading your hubs.... thanks again for a lively one ;)

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Hello MrKnowledge. I wonder if you can tell what kind of mate a man will be by checking out the condition of his car. Interesting thought as I think about my ex.

    • MrKnowledge profile image

      MrKnowledge 7 years ago from Tacoma!

      This definitely is a serious post about how to maintain a woman. It just so happens that cars are the same way.

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Super Hugs AIDY. You know how much I like to get a "fierce."

    • profile image

      AIDY 7 years ago

      And you're right! There could never be another Randy! Glad I came back to catch this one. Fierce.

    • I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s profile image

      I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s 7 years ago

      Sweet.. I have some catching up to do with your works.. :)

      edit-- my comment. That was 1960 vets :p

      Love and light to you too!

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Hi Invictus! I've been off honing my skills. But its fun to come back to my hub buddies too. Love and light to you.

    • I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s profile image

      I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s 7 years ago

      Wow, this is hot! I do have a soft spot for corvettes, anyway. My parents used to have matching 1920 vets.. So, I am very passionate about their maitenence! So part of growing up waslike "Zen and the art of CoRvEtTe maintenence" ;) Love your choice of metaphor and beautifully expressed. Very happy to see you writing again here.

      I just read your interview as well. So enjoyable! I have really learned so much from you and many others.

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Hi Lee. As long as its a two way street, I don't think its wrong to expect proper care and maintenance, do you?

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      WE5, no this is definitely not a poem, lol. I put it under creative writing. Maybe these things needed to be said tongue in cheek.

      Chris every chassis likes to be pushed to its physical limit, grinding is to be expected. If he does not truly love his vehicle, the neglect will be apparent and other enthusiasts will be quick to take her off his hands; I'm sure.

    • Lee B profile image

      Lee Barton 7 years ago from New Mexico

      Love this! Every woman should remember that she requires lots of care and attention. Bookmarked because I want to read this again and again!

    • Christoph Reilly profile image

      Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

      Ahem...Yes, but if you are driven at top speed until your gears grind...do you like that? Corvettes require a lot of maintenance. Still, for a man who really loves a corvette, that is no problem.

    • WE5 profile image

      WE5 7 years ago

      I love it Randy! I hesitate to say that it's not much of a poem but a lovely example of literary licence. Keep it up!

    • Randy Behavior profile image
      Author

      Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

      Morning guys! I set out to write a serious poem about how to maintain a woman. It went terribly sideways and I ended up with this silliness.

    • Rafini profile image

      Rafini 7 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

      Nice...I like it that you didn't openly compare to a high-maintenance 'vehicle'. :D

    • alekhouse profile image

      Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Are you really talking about a car here? :=)

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 7 years ago

      You know- they don't make 'em like you anymore! Maybe I could clean your windshield and change your wipers!