ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Abundance of Clusters Trigger : HONEYCOMBS

Updated on April 12, 2017
        disagreeable honeycomb, 

              i have discovered I can live everywhere you are not. 
it is a bit impulsive to find you in my dark, amorphous thoughts. 
i tried to write you a cataclysm. thats where we began, didn't it?
i tried to write you a cataclysm. this is where we end.
the day we met is crystalline. 
the day we met was nothing short of mellifluous. 
the day we met I almost died. 
in a grotesque and rather fulfilling way.
ive tried to write these thoughts before
but they always decayed and became rancid. 

as I retrace your mistakes they resonant in my mind. 
your destructive tendencies, repugnant in abundance. 
merely a parasite in arms way of its zenith.
however, i'll remember you...  

for your sociopathic distress.
for your unfortunate desolation.
for your mastery of controlling.
for your ill-disposed critics. 
for your treacherous beliefs. 
for your performances you would stage 
and put me through.
for your self annihilation.

i was once impaired by your judgement.
inebriated with love. 
now, I execrate your fate.

i'm guilty too, I partook in this with you. 
my suffering was your greatest triumph though. 
how euphoric it must have felt diminishing my worth. 
it was manifested in your hollow eyes. 
i asked you to hurt me once and you must have 
thought taking my life would be bittersweet. 

you told me in one of your sadistic fits 
you wanted to gather every person who ever hurt you
( or the people who you lost your control to ) 
together in a building, lock the doors and watch them burn. 
you told me you wouldn't kill me first or last because I wasn't special. 
i then realized you would never be a real martyr.
i believed in the words I expressed myself with too much 
but this language wasn't responsible. 

i gave you power by facing your misery.
speaking yet voiceless, 
in front of you yet faceless. 
but still, i'm guilty too.

if I blamed you I wouldn't have cultivated this stillness. 
this silence between us has rendered my well-being. 
this space between us is where I learned to breathe. 
i no longer care to speak to you anymore.
these words don't carry burdens. 
these words are a metamorphosis.

i no longer miss the absence of you.
i don't feel guilty for the place I once existed. 
i don't feel guilty for realizing 
this place was never my home. 
i meant nothing to you,
but your nothings once felt like something.

i told you I called you honeycomb 
due to its matrix in cells.
a hexagon made of 6 sides.
six sides of completeness.
six sides of balance.
six sides of love.
the number six is a legend.
the number six is ruled by venus. 
i am also ruled by the goddess of love.
i fell in love with the symbolism of a honeycomb. 
you told me I didn't have emotions. 
you told me I couldn't express myself.
you judged me because I was better at words than you.
i always did do it for the words.
i always found pleasure here. 
and through these words I found commitment.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • balancedmatter profile imageAUTHOR


      2 years ago from PA

      Thankyou Jamie, I appreciate you checking out my work! :)

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 

      2 years ago from Reno NV

      Beautifully written. I enjoyed your use of repetition. Jamie


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)