Intoxicated, in more ways than one,
I've drunk my nightly share
of sweet water, laced with fire.
I've reached my limit, again,
of affections mixed with deception.
I've held them close and kissed them,
looking deep into their eyes,
as the world around me dispersed,
leaving me lost, powerlessly content...
only to watch them painfully fade
over horizons of abandonment.
My face, my memory leaves them.
In my heart of hearts, I've known
that my hopes have been misplaced,
ever since my recollections served me...
yet the longing never leaves me,
and I'm left with hopes of reckless
neglect of instincts, for their sake.
Some things are beyond my means
to control by inner strength alone.
Sometimes, acceptance is required
to understand the realness of the facts.
Endlessly, I struggle to shape
reality into what I've dreamt,
but my dreams thrive only when
I'm sleeping soundly in my bed.
I cannot lie, and thus pretend,
that I have but even a remnant
of control over self and soul,
but there is one thing that I know...
The innermost heart's desires,
which we use to fuel our fires,
have no power in the end,
for we lose ourselves to defend
the fallacies we choose to fight for.
My will was filled with strength...
undying, for a resilient length
of time within my lifespan,
but now, uncertainty floods me,
speaking truthful lies into my life stream.
My judgement is impaired,
but I've never seen more clearly.
You run so surely away from me,
though you have no need to fear me.
As fears and doubts overtake
your ability to move in forward motion,
I sit here, once more suspended,
in the vastness of the ocean.
Maintaining flotation barely,
as I tread familiar water...
I attempt to swim toward you,
but what reason's left to bother?
© copyright Ben D.A 2011