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Impaired Expressions

Updated on April 19, 2011


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Intoxicated, in more ways than one,
I've drunk my nightly share
of sweet water, laced with fire.

I've reached my limit, again,
of affections mixed with deception.


I've held them close and kissed them,
looking deep into their eyes,
as the world around me dispersed,
leaving me lost, powerlessly content...
only to watch them painfully fade
over horizons of abandonment.

My face, my memory leaves them.

In my heart of hearts, I've known
that my hopes have been misplaced,
ever since my recollections served me...
yet the longing never leaves me,
and I'm left with hopes of reckless
neglect of instincts, for their sake.

Some things are beyond my means
to control by inner strength alone.


Sometimes, acceptance is required
to understand the realness of the facts.


Endlessly, I struggle to shape
reality into what I've dreamt,
but my dreams thrive only when
I'm sleeping soundly in my bed.

I cannot lie, and thus pretend,
that I have but even a remnant
of control over self and soul,
but there is one thing that I know...

The innermost heart's desires,
which we use to fuel our fires,
have no power in the end,
for we lose ourselves to defend
the fallacies we choose to fight for.

My will was filled with strength...
undying, for a resilient length
of time within my lifespan,
but now, uncertainty floods me,
speaking truthful lies into my life stream.

My judgement is impaired,
but I've never seen more clearly.


You run so surely away from me,
though you have no need to fear me.


As fears and doubts overtake
your ability to move in forward motion,
I sit here, once more suspended,
in the vastness of the ocean.

Maintaining flotation barely,
as I tread familiar water...
I attempt to swim toward you,
but what reason's left to bother?



© copyright Ben D.A 2011

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    • BeyondMax profile image

      BeyondMax 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Very beautiful, Ben. Like some intricate lace. Philosophical and purely brilliant. I was reading it and thinking that you reminded me of a wizard who is looking down the well of knowledge and everpresent wisdom and drawing his thoughts with a magic wand on a starry sky. Amazing!

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Ben, having just read seven others of your more recent hubs from less to more recent, which I'd missed in my imposed absence (taxes are so demanding!) -- I'm reading this one now and next, which I sense gives it a special incandescence. It's a very subjective poem and it inspires a very subjective response; therefore, it is difficult to describe, but suffice it to say that this is truly an imposing and deeply affecting poem. You are so good.

    • Nikkij504gurl profile image

      Nikki Wicked 6 years ago from Louisiana

      the fact that you are still alive is reason enough, i believe we all have a purpose and with writing as good as yours it definitely needs to be fullfilled. your purpose is not yet done, so yes bother, to swim to that familiar face or swim to a new one, many obstacles lie in our way to the things we want in life, and its up to us to break through them, we may fail at times, or we may succeed but if you cant always get what you want know that you get what you need. and in its due time, when youre ready for it. I loved this line.."Uncertainty floods me, speaking truthful lies into my life stream" a great oxymoron, if they are lies they can not be true, if they are true they can not be lies...hence why its uncertainty to you, its the truth, but you dont believe in it. this could also be the opposite, confidence, the lies you believe to be true. great poem, sweet water, laced with fire, my favorite kind of drink, but only on occasion. :)

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 6 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Dear Benny,

      You have exposed yourself so brilliantly. I respect and admire that in you.

      I feel as though I am watching you grow up . . . into this wonderful man who is not going to let others bring him down no matter what pain you may feel. May you stay strong and continue to release through your writing. There are footsteps out there that you do not need to follow. I love seeing that you are creating your own!

      Sharyn

    • QudsiaP1 profile image

      QudsiaP1 6 years ago

      Maintaining flotation barely,

      as I tread familiar water...

      I attempt to swim toward you,

      but what reason's left to bother?

      No amount of words could have said it better.

    • BenWritings profile image
      Author

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      always exploring - a few of my poems stand out and always remain among my favorites. This is definitely one of them. Thank you very much

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This is the best...Wait.. I think i said that before... Really this is amazing..So many honest feeling's I loved it. Thank you.

      (( Cheers ))

    • BenWritings profile image
      Author

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      wow shezoe, I am so happy to read that comment. I do agree with how vivid this was. I feel like it exposes me at my very deepest levels. thank you :]

    • SheZoe profile image

      SheZoe 6 years ago from Idaho, USA

      i'm with aylee on this one. i just came from reading Nelliannas verve of life pieces and was floored and awed to joy, then came here and was floored and awed with the grief you expressed that is already present in here too. Exactly right. Those two things expressed so powerfully by two such gifted writers capture the way life is for us all. Without them there would be no color and nothing worth remembering or saying. This was so incredibly vivid. Thank you for writing it

    • BenWritings profile image
      Author

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      I am simply overwhelmed every time I log on to here and see all the comments. I am amazed and flattered so much by the people that loyally read and comment my work. It makes such a difference for me, to know I am impacting someone. Thank you all so much again

    • Bumpsysmum profile image

      Bumpsysmum 6 years ago from Cambridgeshire

      Don't give up on love, it's so worth waiting for the right one. I'm sure we all have a soul mate out there, trouble is finding them, keep looking you might be surprised at how close you are. I am of the 'fate' has a map for us group, so if it's meant to be it will happen. :-)

    • thisismylife9123 profile image

      Cheyenne Barroga 6 years ago from Salt lake city, UT

      Intoxicated, in more ways than one,

      I've drunk my nightly share

      of sweet water, laced with fire.

      That sounds like how i spend my evenings, nursing a glass of whiskey. joking! this is so beautiful paired with the music. you must teach me the secret to your literary greatness. I loved every word of it. I must read more! ^w^

    • aylee95 profile image

      aylee95 6 years ago from Honolulu, HI.

      Awesomeness right here...

      my favorite part? The whole thing. I'm sitting here with a broken heart that refuses to mend and this poem you wrote just now has made it move. Without a doubt. Loved it.

    • Elizabeth99 profile image

      Elizabeth99 6 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

      The last little bit there,

      "Maintaining floatation barely

      as I tread familiar water...

      I attempt to swim toward you

      but why even bother?" Favorite.

      I think the reason I like your stuff so much is because it is eerie and packed with emotion, I've never read anything like it. You always manage to say things in ways I would have never dreamed of and you do it perfectly. So as I have said before and will say again so long as you write, good job and I REALLY loved it :)

    • Randy Behavior profile image

      Randy Behavior 6 years ago from Near the Ocean

      MA I give you a standing ovation for that comment.

      Ben you are much to young to give up on dreams of love or anything else. There is only one upside to your longing and disappointments. It yields incredibly beautiful poetry.

    • Twilight Lawns profile image

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      What an opening group of words... very powerful; very beautiful:

      "Intoxicated, in more ways than one,

      I've drunk my nightly share

      of sweet water, laced with fire.

      I've reached my limit, again,

      of affections mixed with deception."

      Lovely images and choices of words, Ben.

    • Mentalist acer profile image

      Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

      Fatalism is instant gratification,Dreaming's hard.;)