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Innocent or not

Updated on April 24, 2015

There comes a time in any person’s life when they feel they are neglecting the ones closest to them. That is the time for settling down in a quiet corner to think things through. That’s what I’m doing; thinking things through. Trouble is; where do I begin?

The first thing I remember is not remembering a thing at all. Days would go by where I would just sit and stare into oblivion, but wait; I’m getting ahead of myself. To get a grip on life again, I have to start at the very beginning. . .

It all started on the twenty seventh of March. For heaven’s sake, I can still remember the date; just like it was yesterday! In two days’ time I would be eighteen. I will never remember how it happened, but I will always remember what it felt like. Being drunk, you always feel that the things done wrong, won’t affect the rest of your life. Boy was I wrong! The one I have known since I was a little girl, a faithful friend of my father, now very drunk, as I was, lay his warm body over mine. The feeling of gently being satisfied by a man that was twice my age sent shivers down my spine. Never will I forget his expression of concentration and pleasure. All the while I was thinking of the consequences, yet I never wanted him to stop. Yes, that’s where it all began.

After our night of unintended passion, came a time of hellish panic and nightmares filled with the terrible deed that we committed. His name haunted my dreams; his voice echoed in the empty corridors of my nightmares. Watching a grown man turn a corner was never the best thing to do, especially if he had the sexiest calves any eighteen year old girl’s heart desired. So much older than I, I couldn’t help falling in love with this beautiful disaster.

A matric girl getting afternoon visits from her father’s best friend certainly got the local gossip club going at full swing. So much that Daddy started asking questions. Being such a sweet and innocent girl, I had to play the part. In a time of need, my “father’s friend” gave advice. While telling Daddy that lie I couldn’t help thinking that the best advice his “friend” gave me was the very delicious advice he gave me in his bed!

As time went by, I spent more and more time with him. Daddy came to terms with the fact that his little girl no longer graced the name of “innocent”. When you had scratches on your back from making love in a river, on a bike, secrets became plenty. Sunday afternoons spent on his bed “sleeping”, code for relieving the week’s stress inside each other became the highlight of every week. People began to notice the Casanova’s mistress. Talk of moving in together and getting married became a possibility. It all felt like a dream I never wanted to wake up from!
Now, more than two years down the line, I am happily married, I have a beautiful baby girl and I am just as in love with my husband as the first day I set my eyes on him…

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