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Canada: You Need More Service Centres

Updated on February 13, 2013
A  Canadian service centre
A Canadian service centre

When my sons were young, we would drive 800+ miles nonstop from Virginia to the Murray family homestead in Ontario, Canada. On one such trip, we ran into a little trouble with the OPP—the Ontario Provincial Police. Here is that true tale in verse to the tune of Charlie Daniels’ “Uneasy Rider”:

"OPP--The Canadian Remix"

Takin’ a trip up to Toronto

toolin’ along in my Rodeo

suckin’ down Cokes

and listenin’ to the radio.

Just as we cross the international line

I hear both my sons startin’ to whine

‘bout they got to pee and Daddy, can we stop.

Now it was late, we’d driven all night

and there wasn’t a service centre in sight

so I pulled over to the shoulder and we all got out.

Don’t you know as soon as we unzip

an Ontario policeman stops and starts givin’ us lip

‘bout you can’t urinate in public in Canada.

So I says to him, “That’s pretty dumb,

your bear, moose, and geese urinate, son,

and it ain’t like our urine won’t biodegrade.”

“What? You got a thing against American pee

polluting your land when you have lumberjacks—oui, oui!

walking around Ontario without any deodorant on?”

He said something about “I guess it’s all right,

just keep your urine to yourselves for the rest of the night,”

so we got in the truck and I fired that Rodeo up.

As soon as I pulled away, I got riled—

I smelled a stinky diaper from my youngest child—

and thought about fertilizing the border with USDA poop.

It was almost enough to make me flip—

it was one of the low-lights of our trip—

but from now on, I’ll go to Toronto … via Montreal.


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    • multiculturalsoul profile image

      JJ Murray 5 years ago from Roanoke, Virginia

      All Sandy did here was ruin TV reception, exchange my leaves with my neighbor's, and knock down a few branches. Friends in New Jersey and Pennsylvania didn't fare as well.

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida has been acting weird for several years you think someone P O'd Mother Nature ? with air pollution and all the other environmental issues ? grab a cup of warm brandy, light up the old fireplace and listen to some good mood music ( battery operated if necessary ) ...remember you are loved...

    • multiculturalsoul profile image

      JJ Murray 5 years ago from Roanoke, Virginia

      I will enjoy NOT having the wind blow through at 60 MPH any moment now. Who would name a hurricane Sandy? Sandy's blowing snow around here, especially in the mountains. I may have Canadian roots, but I don't enjoy snow in October.

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida true..and life just handed you that ? some things in life are just plain ..whatever ! thanks for the chuckle for the day...enjoy the beautiful weather..