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Interview With a Revolutionary War Soldier on the 4th of July
Well....he just appeared there on the street corner. He looked pretty lost so I decided to help him out. I introduced myself and he told me his name, Paul, and so we started a conversation. He asked me if I had any tobacco and I handed him a cigarette.
He was really impressed how it was shaped so perfectly. I asked "How about some lunch...I'll pay?" He nodded and we walked across the street to Smiley's Pub. Before we stepped in the door I told him "Uh...you have to put out the smoke and you can't carry that rifle in here."
He leaned his rifle to the side of the door and broke the cigarette off at the ember to save for later. We went in, sat at the bar and I ordered two drafts and a couple of hamburgers. He looked over at two beautiful women standing by the juke box and yelled at them "Wenches, bring your asses here and give me some kisses!" I nudged him as the women snarled and turned away. I whispered "You can't talk to women like that!"
He grinned and said "How would a man talk to a woman of this day then?" I said "You must be polite, women are far more sensitive....they don't like being called wenches." I went on "Women are equal to men in today's world." He laughed and said "As they were in my time...one on me lap and one in each arm was a pretty good balance my friend."
As we ate our lunch, we got on the subject of politics. I gave him a basic outline of politics and social issues. When I mentioned the welfare system, he grunted and said "Ah friend, if a man be too lazy to work ....I be too lazy to feed him!"
He began to get really aggravated that he had to leave his rifle outside. I told him about gun laws, search and seizure methods, along with other eroding rights. I told him how the banks control all of the money and the politicians were just worms in the fat apples of the peoples' tree.
He listened intensely as I ranted about how things were in such a mess. I began slamming my fist on the bar and I shouted "This is the fourth of f****ng July and I for one am sick and tired of taxation without representation....I am sick of a totally incompetent legislature....from the local piss head politician to the leader of the country, we have an unbroken line of dumb asses!"
The old soldier just patted me on the back, with a big grin, he laughed and said "Bloody hell mate....we won the bloody dammed war....this country is as much a shit hole as England.....Ha...ha ...ah...We won the bloody war!"
We finished our lunch and drinks, went outside and he picked up his rifle. He brushed the dust from his red coat and shouted "Long live the King!" The old British soldier disappeared into thin air.