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Introduction to My Book: Marilyn - Taking Chances With Desire
Marilyn - Taking Chances with Desire
Fear was all these eyes could see. I was so scared that my heart nearly stopped beating. No man had ever raised a hand to me before. It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my best friend, the man I loved so terribly, had done it. Yet to my disbelief, there I was lying on the ground, shocked and helpless, while right above me stood Nathan.
There are moments in life that leave us with the question: "How did I get here?" Life tends to be so crazy that we cannot help but to ask that question over and over again. These said moments could be the great moments in our loves, but they could also be the worst moments in our lives. For in these moments, we learn the most about not only ourselves, but also the people and the world around us.
I don't believe that it is always just the moments in life that make a difference. We should capture and collect all the moments in our lives, but what you take from those moments is really they key. The lessons we learn from our greatest and worst moments tend to make the difference in life. And at seventeen years old, a senior in high school, I had been confronted with a life-changing moment. I would say at the time I had no idea how important this confrontation would inevitably end up being. I reacted the best I could, but there was not much I felt I could do.
Being helpless was never a good feeling for anyone. It is not very comforting knowing that you are not only in a bad situation, but you also cannot do a single thing about it. Perhaps, the one good thing about being helpless is that other people can choose to help you. Most of the time, people would not watch a petite, blonde girl go through a tragic situation all alone.
The situation escalated the second Nathan pushed me so vigorously to the ground. Everyone in the entire room turned to look and see what was going on. Before I could react fully to what Nathan had done, I noticed Christopher from afar. He already had Nathan locked in his sight.
Christopher and I were pretty good friends. We first met freshman year in Biology class. Christopher struck me as different from the moment we met. I would say it was because of his quiet, mysterious personality. It seemed as if he was always lost in deep thought. There were times where I thought about him as potentially more than just a friend, but for the majority of high school I was with Nathan. I could never really act on those thoughts. Christopher and Nathan also knew each other from school. They both played sports, so they were well known at East Tech High School.
My conscious mind did not comprehend what was about to happen. But my body felt prepared for it.
Christopher immediately came to my rescue. All I can remember clearly seeing was Christopher slam Nathan against the wall. I heard him repeatedly scream, "You don't ever put your hands on a woman!" Moments after that, I blacked out.
When I came back to my conscious state of mind, I received word that it had been broken up before it had gotten too messy.
The fear that I felt in that moment was enough to make me never want to see or hear from Nathan ever again. That night he single-handedly threw away three years of our lives together. I committed three years of my life to Nathan, and in one night I had come to regret it all.
Love can push people beyond their limits, but that does not make it okay to lose your self-control. We just cannot always handle so much emotion at such a young age. I had come to realize that. Nathan put his love for me aside as his anger pushed its way through in that moment. I am sure the alcohol contributed to it, but that is not an excuse for what happened. One day I will be able to forgive him, but that night I learned his true colors.
For we can never fully understand the people around us until we see them in desperate situations, or situations that require choice without a moment's hesitation. That is when you realize the person they really are deep down. I have learned from Nathan that you cannot always listen to what people say. In fact, the things people do speak on their behalf.
I ended my relationship with Nathan, but I did not allow my memory of him to be clouded with hate or regret. Sometimes love makes us create extra chances when we have run out of chances to give. That was not the case with Nathan. Maybe our love was immature. Maybe in reality it was nothing more than a strong lust. I decided to use this time to better myself. The key to happiness is finding and creating a better you. The more attractive we become as individuals, the better person we will eventually attract to our lives.
After it was all said and done, my journey beyond high school started at Community College of East County. I had the sudden urge to help people. I decided to dedicate my life to making a difference. Christopher inspired me to help those that are helpless. He inspired me to give light to others when all else has been taken. That is why I choose to become a nurse. And with that decision, I knew a long, strenuous path was laid out for me ahead.
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