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Iridescent Tokens of Knowing

Updated on February 19, 2015

XVII. Growing and Knowing . . .

photo ___© Nellieanna H. Hay
photo ___© Nellieanna H. Hay | Source

When it begins to ravel

It’s outworn.

We might trim it up

A time or two,

If needed,

But better let it go to naught.

Yet if I had tried

To love you,

Now I could

Try to not.

It might have been defaced,

But it happened of itself.

It left its mark upon my soul

And will not be erased.

_____© Nellieanna H. Hay

graphics by Nellieanna
graphics by Nellieanna

Even after

All this time and pain,

You alone

Can make me feel alive.

_____© Nellieanna H. Hay

 

Ξ◊Ξ

I can't forget
The soul we shared
And dared
To blend.
To end
Our isolation.

______© Nellieanna H. Hay

Ξ◊Ξ 

Quickend rush of wisdom

illuminates this stark reality,

this short Infinity,

abbreviated into time

from timelessnenss.

By life it is fulfilled,

Itself, surpassed,

infused with love

immeasurable.

Knowing it is proven,

knowing not 'impossible',

we know that it's a 'fit'.

Yet myths exist

to always doubt

this poignant,

fertile concept,

pregnant reality: ~

time's own progeny, ~

while it exists.

But surely this IS!

Surely this is ~ IT!


______© Nellieanna H. Hay

 

If the weight

We carry

On our shoulders

Is the

Ransom due

On life,

I wonder who

Collects it?

______© Nellieanna H. Hay

graphic by nellieanna
graphic by nellieanna

Ξ◊Ξ

Growing pains

At any age.

Ξ◊Ξ

But all the pain

Drains out

When truth is known.

There’s nothing to forgive

Where there is nothing.

Go in peace.

_____© Nellieanna H. Hay

        Nostalgia ~

Tattered old sheet music

Played on my piano,

Danced at college proms.

Ah, those haunting lyrics ~

Ah, those tender moments.

All the smiles and sighs

       Now so long gone.

All the joy and stress

       Fulfilled.

But was it really "me"?

I sneak a look ~

       Love letters tied

With lavender ribbons in a silvery box,

Photo albums sharing moments sweet.

      Flowers pressed

Between pages of a book ~

      Jane Austen's!

Ah, tenderest nostalgia

Which left its legacy~!

      Yes ~ all mine,

It was really "me"!

______© Nellieanna H. Hay

                                        We grow by living.
                                        We know by being
                                              All we are.

                               ______© Nellieanna H. Hay



As noted, design, graphics, photography and written material herein are original and copyrighted by Nellieanna H. Hay.


ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This material is protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from Nellieanna H. Hay.

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    • poetvix profile image

      poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

      Achiningly awesome... lyrical and lovely.

      Thank you.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Thank you, poetvix! Many are aching among these. But life is all that too. Right? Wouldn't be balanced otherwise. I appreciate your kind words.

    • anglnwu profile image

      anglnwu 6 years ago

      Lovely and nostalgically woven. Thanks.

    • rebekahELLE profile image

      rebekahELLE 6 years ago from Tampa Bay

      Nellieanna, these are beautiful poems. I love each of them, each one saying so much. The artwork is simply lovely. I love very much the last verse. our reason to be. thank you.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      angilnwu - thank you so much! And by the way, I've been browsing your hubs, too. Lots of yummy food ideas! You're so talented and versatile! I love the way you describe your enjoyment of words!

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      rebekahELLE - thank you. Your words are most gratifying!

    • profile image

      ralwus 6 years ago

      I detected some sadness in some of these, beautiful sadness, poignant and a longing. Where have you been? You and Dusty?

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

      What more can I add to what I have said already. Sometimes the language is limited or at least I am with the language. So I say a simple thank you for your wonderful poems.

    • Ingenira profile image

      Ingenira 6 years ago

      I love especially your paintings, you are simply gifted, Nellieanna.

    • McHamlet profile image

      Paul Buckle 6 years ago

      Thanks for these sparkling poems Nellieanna. I particularly liked 'Nostalgia'; I think you captured the essence of this feeling so well that we can't help but feel its touch as we read.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Nellieanna - your lovely poetry and graphics shine almost as much as you do.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 6 years ago

      You reach the innermost sanctum of my heart. Many bows, beloved friend.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      So very beautiful, your thoughts and words.

      Cheers

    • Mentalist acer profile image

      Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

      Acceptance of what maturity has taught you to be comfortable with and understanding that to be certain of anything is foolish and faith is only helpful if you know that it's not a promise but a path;)

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 6 years ago from South Africa

      "We grow by living. / We know by being / All we are." - such "iridescent" words these are! Absolutely brilliant, yes!

      Thanks so much for brightening my evening!

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

      Beautiful words, Beautiful Poetry, Beautiful graphics. You are so talented Nellieanna and I am so grateful you share it with all of us on hubpages. Thanks for making my day a little nicer.

    • Nikkij504gurl profile image

      Nikkij504gurl 6 years ago from Louisiana

      You are awesome! great poetry!

    • christopheranton profile image

      Christopher Antony Meade 6 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      Nellieanna. If you live your life as profoundly as you write your poems you must have people qeueing up just to observe you. Always a pleasure to dip into your Gems.

      Thank you.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      dear Charlie - This hub shows some of the other side of the coin - there always is one, as you know. I picked out some more poignant poems from my notebooks for it.

      We grow by learning truth & knowing reality & that they're unseparable. We can't really be honestly optimistic without keeping that together & in sight. I suspect much chronic sadness is a product of expecting there to be chronic joy all the time and the truth crushes the illusion. Haha. Anyway - that's my theory.

      I've been right here mostly - when not having car trouble and doctor appointments. The car is resolved and I did what I intended - proved the doctor wrong. I'm OK as I knew I was. But had to take a silly sonogram to prove it. This past week has had some sort of stuff going on every day.

      Thanks for the recognition and nice words - and for noticing I was here a little less. Hugs.

      I haven't seen Dusty either. He's such a dear man. :o} I hope he'll return to us soon. . .

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Hello, hello - thank YOU - those are wonderful words & mean a lot to me, especially since I know you mean them too!

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Ingenira - thank you. It's so good of you to stop by with words of encouragement! I appreciate that. . . Hugs

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Paul - thank you. It's one of those feelings which creeps over us from time to time if we've lived much. Good times or sad - they're our own LIFE history and they make us more whole and real, rememering them fondly - nostalgically.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      drbj - You're such a real sparkler your own self. Thank you for a lovely compliment!!

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Ah - Melinda - that's very gratifying and deeply meaningful - so much. Thank you, dear! I appreciate you.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Always Exploring - Thank you, sweet lady. And CHEERS to you also!

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Mentalist acer - Thanks for your kind, thoughtful, wise words. You're a treasure.

      Faith,in my humble opinion is - faith. Unconditionally. Very simple. Seems to me that when other conditions for its definition are added, those become the focus, the de-finition. Hugs.

      Thank you for your visit and comments!

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Tony - to brighten your evening is indeed a privilege! Thank you for brightening mine!! :->

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Minnetonka Twin - You're so dear to say those things. I'm honored to be your friend and to have the chance to share. Thank you for it!

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Nikki - Part of my wanting to post some of my poems of this nature was for you to see & be assured that there are shadows in my life too, as there must be in all lives in order to recognize the light that's there too! Thanks for coming and reading!

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Oh, my - Christopheranton. What a prince you are! You certainly know how to make a person feel appreciated and honored! Thank you!

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

      Oh how beautiful and breath taking, YOU HAD me at

      The value in some days

      Is in their total

      Lack of value

      Isn't that were all magic comes from, being still and quiet allowing the pure bliss from within to be unleashed, Knowing such peace is something you are no doubt good friends with!

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Thank you, Katie - yes - I am good friends with that core of inner peace. It's saved me more than once, in fact.

      Yes, I think it's where the magic comes from - though I suspect there's a constant flow back & forth from the macrocosm of - all that IS - to the microcosm of one's soul. So long as there's no blockage - it's always flowing, functioning and available, & each of our souls may help replenish the big pond, actually. The old 'nothing is created or destroyed' thing we learned in chemistry. LOL

      Thank you so much for your lovely comments!!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

      Hi, Nellieanna, There is something special about your writing and your poems, they take us right into the soul of the words, amazing as always, cheers nell

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 6 years ago

      OMG Nellie what brilliant words.

      If the weight

      We carry

      On our shoulders

      Is the

      Ransom due

      On life,

      I wonder who

      Collects it?

      You are absolutely amazing. It seems every time you publish a new post you are guided by God to share your deepest wisdom and thoughts with us all. I am truly blessed to be able to read your poetry.

      I hope that you somehow place these in a book or album so that all your loved ones will be reminded of your love of life and sharing of your deepest memories and love of life and what you have learned here on earth.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Nell - Thank you, m'dear. I suppose each writer's words are expressions of part of him or her self and are therefore very special. When they happen to speak almost directly into another's self is when that almost magic communication happens. I'm pleased indescribably when it does. Thank you for sharing with me.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Thank you, Ken. Words spoken or penned are no more brilliant than the mind which receives them. It's a bit like the sound of a tree falling in the woods with no one to hear otherwise. And I often feel myself to be merely a vessel for delivering them to responsive recipients.

      My project now is to just get more of the poems transcribed from their handwritten state where they've lingered since written and typed up into my word processor. A challenge! The handwritten originals are in numerous notebooks, organized by date written. But on the word processor they can be sorted alphabetically for much easier access. Also selecting some for making small collections such as these hubs helps organize them in other ways. I'd like to get them at least typed up & preserved into safety so that whoever must sort out my stuff one day isn't overwhelmed! Seriously! It's not just a handful of verses, you see. It's thick volumes in these notebook covers, as well as some selected ones copied or composed into several "blank books", not to mention some jotted down on whatever bit of scrap paper was handy & stuffed into envelopes to keep them together or in other random sontainers. Some of those, I've never looked at since!

      Thanks for encouraging me! Sometimes I'm amazed myself at how much meaning these economical words really do capture so much beyond immediate mundane happenings around me at the time.

      There's probably as much message in that as in the poems themselves. It tells a lot about the inner life a person has going on at the same time other things may be exploding around him or her. I know of no better way to explain it than by showing & sharing its fruits.

      Thanks again, Ken.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 6 years ago from South Africa

      Nellieanne, amazing as always. This one made me think – “Even after all this time and pain, you alone can make me feel alive.” Surely we were addicted, unfortunately to poison killing our souls. And this one is soooo true: “We grow by living. We know by being all we are.” Thank you for being such an awesome mirror. I like to see my own thoughts in you.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Oh, MY! Martie - that phrase you used grabbed me by the soul. A dear friend, Freda, who gave me so much of her insight when I needed gentle nudges toward being able to re-sort myself out once said to me, "... be a straight mirror for me." It was then I knew that she'd experienced some "crooked mirrors" too, whose reflections of oneself through the eyes of others can distort one's self-image almost beyond recognition, like carnival "fun-house" mirrors do. It boosted my resolve to BE a straight mirror for both myself and others.

      It's a phrase which has stuck with me over these several decades but I've never heard anyone else use the concept till now.

      So thanks for letting me know it's a good straight mirror for you!

    • VagabondE profile image

      VagabondE 6 years ago from Hitting the road again

      More wonderful thoughts from the Dallas darling. I hope you aren't melting in the heat.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      So THERE you are! I've been missing you! Thank you for the nice comment. And yes - at times I'm melting, though I try to be careful and get my outdoors chores out of the way earlier in the day before it gets too ghastly hot. Got caught a bit over a week ago though - and my car stalled in the P.O. parking lot in the hottest part of the day. That was an ordeal. Now, I've been able to avoid it, though the poor lawn can't. I water it but it's looking mighty parched.

      Great to see you again, Vagabond!

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Nellie - your poems are poignant and touching. Your work never fails to move me.

    • miss_jkim profile image

      miss_jkim 6 years ago

      I can only find one word that describes this posting ~Beautiful~

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Dolores - thank you, sweet heart, for yours is sweet through and through. It gives me satisfaction that you are moved by my poetry!

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Miss_jkim - yours is always a prized comment for my hubs. Thank you!

    • Neil Sperling profile image

      Neil Sperling 6 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

      So True - "The value in some days is in their total Lack of value. Being only certain Of uncertainty provides a certain freedom from uncertainty. "

      When the pain is gone the truth is known and there is nothing to forgive.... is the essence of unconditional forgiveness.

      Good stuff

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Thanks, Neil! Yes - that is the essence of forgiveness - is there any kind other than unconditional?

      And when it comes right down to it, forgiveness is a release for oneself more than anyone else involved.

    • profile image

      SilverGenes 6 years ago

      The mark that will not be erased from your soul and the little graphic beneath the poem are so beautiful that I can hardly stand it. Your words and graphics are like a garden for the heart.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Aw. . . I'm glad - no, not that you can hardly stand it but that it's a garden for the heart! :->

    • prettydarkhorse profile image

      prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

      We grow by living. We know by being. All we are.

      Indeed true, I like those phrases,

      Hmm It always make me think, enjoy, think more and smile when I read your works, Maita

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      And you make me smile when you respond, sweet Maita! Thank you!!

    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 6 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      Growing pains

      at every

      age...

      my red ink pen.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Ah. Yes. Thanks, Storytellersrus. Glad you came by!

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 6 years ago

      There's a lot of love there. Thank you Nellieanna.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Aw, Micky - thank you!! Glad you stopped by!

    • dallas93444 profile image

      Dallas W Thompson 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

      Integrated art and word-smithing... Molding imagery into beautiful metamorphic symbols of beauty...

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Dallas, what a beautiful comment - thank you, dear friend

    • dallas93444 profile image

      Dallas W Thompson 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

      Wore my finger out just scrolling down this far! Outstanding writing. Grabs your attention and then gently, softly guides you through the process of understanding.

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      hehe. I'm breaking in my new MacBook Pro and the Magic Mouse comes in handy for such scrolling. Thank you, m'dear for the very perceptive comment! And I gotta say if I can guide YOU in any way, I pat myself on the back!

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 2 years ago from Texas

      Hi Nellieanna. Thought I'd read some more of your great work before it might be too late - if you do indeed decide to end your presence here, that is.

      These are beautiful poems. Some of them make me teary. I don't know why reading things can make me so emotional lately. Hahaha Not in the way that you alone know that I have been prone to in the recent past, but. . .oh, I don't know, just touched, I guess, by certain things I've read or heard lately. Music does that for me, but not always just by reading. Anyway, I am glad for it. It's another feeling of living. :)

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 2 years ago from TEXAS

      Thank you. This is among my earliest poetry hubs. Today has produced none of the situations which cause me to question being public. Perhaps they have begun to subside.

      I find myself spontaneously touched by so many things. As you say, those are the proofs that one is alive, and being able to feel brings with it the powerfully positive feelings, as well as those which are not so positive. To feel fully, one can't pick and choose.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 2 years ago from Texas

      Glad to 'hear' it.

      No, to feel fully, one cannot pick and choose. However, I would rather feel it all deeply if I had to than to not feel alive. Even in pain, I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all. Besides, if not for those not so positive emotions, how would one know to value the positive ones?

    • Nellieanna profile image
      Author

      Nellieanna Hay 2 years ago from TEXAS

      Exactly!

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