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It was never a competition for me.

Updated on May 29, 2013

She is where she belongs...

I gave her, her name.
I gave her, her name. | Source
She has my smile
She has my smile | Source
She gives the cutest dirty looks
She gives the cutest dirty looks | Source
and the sweetest kisses and hugs.
and the sweetest kisses and hugs. | Source
She can be sweet
She can be sweet | Source
and silly...
and silly... | Source
she is everything to me.
she is everything to me. | Source

Before this might have killed me, But I am stronger than I was before.

I shutter deep inside,

From what I have learned and know.

A past full of memories,

Most that were not so.

Sisters I thought we were,

I wish I was not related to you,

I wish I never learned your name,

From what I know you wish this too.

Smile when I am around,

Are you laughing from within?

Nothing you ever told me,

Was how it was or is.

I never thought I needed to ,

Watch my back with you,

Guess that goes to show me,

A thing or two in regards to you.

I always saw you different,

In a completely different light.

I wanted to grow up to be like you,

I thought you always knew what was right.

I was wrong.

You never cared.

You sold me out.

Created me a new nightmare.

Blood is thicker that water,

Your blood must run cold.

You are someone I wish I never knew,

I wish I never knew what I was told.

In a whole different light.

The truth has been revealed.

Now I know who you are,

And I know that you are no longer real.

You tried to take from me,

A life I created.

Just as I was picking myself up,

My hope was hurt and jaded.

Can I ask you something simple?

Simple truth is what I request from you.

How did you come up with your lie?

Was the lie you told the truth that’s hidden within you?

I will never see you the same,

I pray that you forget my name.

I pray that I never enter your thoughts,

And if I do, I hope you realize what you have selfishly cost.

You will never take from me,

What I have worked hard to achieve.

I have paid countless payments,

And I know how to bleed.

Forgiveness is not in the future,

Not for what you had decided to do.

You attempted to take from me,

Someone who doesn’t belong to you.

She is my daughter,

I am sorry you have only had sons.

But you can’t have her then or now,

Because she belongs in her mothers arms.

You are not my sister,

All the games we once played.

I should have been paying closer attention.

For the monster those games have made.

I do want to know one thing,

A question quite simple and plain.

Something I am sure you won’t answer,

But why did you cause hurt in this manipulating way?

Did you think that I would fold?

That I would fall back into the past?

Were you trying to break me?

Were you setting me up to fail your test?

You have always needed to be better.

Better than I ever could be.

Why can’t you understand,

It was never a competition for me?

I am filling up with anger,

This anger I have never known.

Before this might have killed me.

But I am stronger than I was before.


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    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Eiddwen, Thank you, and the writing helps as it always has... Thanks you for commenting on this poem and for the great perspective, I appreciate it.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Denise Handlon- thank you Miss... I know your words are true, and they are appreciated. Thanks for the comment :)

    • Eiddwen profile image


      7 years ago from Wales

      Beautiful and at the same time so sad.

      I am so glad that you have the gift of writing because writing is so very therapeutic.

      Thanks for sharing and take care,


    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      Truth leads to clarity and clarity leads to strength. Beautiful poem.

      Best wishes.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Fay Paxton-that it was, a great release... for the first time in awhile, I can feel the hurt and anger dulling. Thanks for your comment! I appreciate you taking the time to read my work :)

    • profile image

      Fay Paxton 

      7 years ago

      Your poem sounds like a release of a lot of pain and anger...that's a good thing. I can think of few things more painful than betrayal. Glad you're expressing yourself.

      voted up

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 

      7 years ago from home


      No- I am still breathing - Ha

      er ha


    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State

      TH- things improve every day I am still breathing... I too hope your life is improving :)

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 

      7 years ago from home


      i hold little hope for my situation until her eyes open to reality but that can only happen with time I understand your situation but I can only offer sympathy and hope things get better for you....


    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State

      TH- It is horrible what lies can do to a family and to a relationship. I not only feel betrayed for what she has said and done, but to other members of my family that have listened to her and never said anything to me. I am trying to work past it-but things will never be the same, at least not for me. Thanks for your comment and for sharing your story- I hope things improve for you as well.

    • tom hellert profile image

      tom hellert 

      7 years ago from home


      i rated this funny- it is odd because - I could have written a similar ( in content) poem about my daughter-it would not have been half as good but It would have had the same-meaningish tone" to it....I am losing her to a bunch of lies and liars....I am unsure what to doI'll have to ask hubpages community the question....


    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Little Kim

      Thank you, I have surprised myself with never giving up when things get bad... My sister and I, perhaps were never meant to be close- I do not understand her, like or appreciate what she has done or said, and I know she was wrong and her actions and words were lies-Because I know who I am and what kind of mother and person I am, I am not afraid of her like I use to be...

    • Little Kim profile image

      Little Kim 

      7 years ago from Any town U.S.A.

      So sad and emotionally raw. So soory for your pain. Glad you are stronger now! Bless you.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State

      A.A. Zavala

      Thanks for commenting and reading. You are very true- She and I are two completely different people, always have been and always will be.

    • A.A. Zavala profile image

      Augustine A Zavala 

      7 years ago from Texas

      Beautiful poem about ugly incidents regarding your family. Blood may be thicker than water, doesn't mean that it has to flow through the same veins. Thank you for sharing.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State

      livingsimply- Thank You! You are very kind to say such a nice compliment. Perhaps one day I will feel differently about her...not today, and probably not tomorrow, but perhaps one day. For now- I am enjoying life and living in truth loving my children...

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State


      I am more angry with her and her manipulations and lies to me than anything...Shock-Disgust-Confusion...are all also involved...As for now, I want nothing to do with her (sister or not)-forgiveness is not in the near future. Thanks so much for the comment!

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State

      Christopher Price-

      cathartic? Yes and No...the situation is in the past (about a year and a half)-the findings of who instigated the situation are more recent and far more frustrating and revealing. Thanks for the comment and for the support.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State


      Oh...thanks for that, I appreciate the support and thank you for taking your time to read and comment.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Lone Star State

      tlpoague- thank you for your comment- writing this one was very much therapy for me to release much pent up anger and frustration, I appreciate the feedback!

    • livingsimply profile image


      7 years ago from Isle of Arran, Scotland

      This is a difficult poem for me to read. The sadness quite complete. But it is compelling and true and I admire its honesty. I admire you.

    • Paradise7 profile image


      7 years ago from Upstate New York

      Wow, what a painful and moving story. Your sister tried, or is trying, to take away your daughter??? OUCH!

    • Christopher Price profile image

      Christopher Price 

      7 years ago from Vermont, USA

      Having your eyes opened can be a painful procedure, especially when people you trusted are revealed as being backstabbing deceivers.

      I hope this poem was cathartic and that your situation has improved.



    • QudsiaP1 profile image


      7 years ago

      It is a beautiful poem that reflects your sadness and all the emotions beautifully.

      Poems are to express and you have expressed very well, indeed you are stronger, you are stronger than any one can ever tell.

      Good luck my fiend, my best wishes are always with you.

    • tlpoague profile image


      7 years ago from USA

      What a touching poem filled with emotion. It is so sad...


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