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Italian-Cute Jokes-Funny Jokes-Hilarious jokes

Updated on August 12, 2015

The Italian Girl:

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."

I LOVE PEOPLE & CULTURES, THEREFORE THIS HUB IS JUST FOR FUN. NOTHING SERIOUS JUST FUNNY, SO HAVE FUN.

How To Talk Italian

Italian Hand Gestures PART 1

Sophia just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Sophia. Luigi's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luigi took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophia ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luigi's got a big hairy chest."

"Don't worry, Sophia", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luigi took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophia ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luigi took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"

"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luigi's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luigi took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophia saw this, she ran downstairs.
"Mama, Mama, Luigi's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"

Italian Hand Gestures & Expressions PART 2

This Italian bloke had never played golf before and so asked for some tips before starting the game. An American player decided to teach the Italian the proper way to putt a golf ball.

The American said, "You take this stick and hit the balls so that they roll into the hole". The American putted away and sank the ball from 20 feet in a single stroke.

The Italian replied, "In America, you leave your sticka outta and a putta your balls in da hole, but in Italia, we put our sticka inna da hole and leave our balls out"!

Funny italian accent on a talented italian

Heaven & Hell

HEAVEN is where:
The police are British
The chefs Italian
The mechanics are German
The lovers are French
and it's all organized by the Swiss

HELL is where:
The police are German
The chefs are British
The mechanics are French
The lovers are Swiss
and it's all organised by the Italians!!

The way Italians speak english

Italian-Funny Jokes-Hilarious jokes


You know you are Italian

You know you're Italian when

You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5'9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.


And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:

. Your grandfather had a fig tree.

. You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

. Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

. Your mom's meatballs are the best.

. You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

. Plastic on the furniture is normal.

. You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

. You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."

. You've called someone a "mamaluke."

. And you understand "bada bing"

Family Guy - Speaking Italian

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • Mr Nice profile image
    Author

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Welcome cheaptrick,

    Well every culture is different, what's good in one culture might be very rude but that doesn't matter because we are all different.

    I don't think you are true Italian because you didn't say "Bada bing......hahahahaha just kidding.

    I appreciate for your nice comments. Please visit my other hubs too.

    Have a wonderful day. Ciao

  • cheaptrick profile image

    cheaptrick 8 years ago from the bridge of sighs

    I belong to a club for Italians called"I'M NOT SHOUTING,I'M ITALIAN,THAT'S THE WAY WE TALK!"also,there are different Degrees of being Italian!I'm so Italian my blood type is RAGU!

    Your To Funny

    Dean

  • Mr Nice profile image
    Author

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Thanks Ivorwen,

    It was really nice of you to visit and comment on my hub. Please visit my other hubs too.

  • Mr Nice profile image
    Author

    Mr Nice 8 years ago from North America

    Hi G-Ma Johnson, How are you? Long time no see. I really appreciate for your nice comments. Please visit my other hubs too when you have time.

  • Ivorwen profile image

    Ivorwen 8 years ago from Hither and Yonder

    Loved the Heaven and Hell joke.

  • G-Ma Johnson profile image

    Merle Ann Johnson 8 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

    Loved it Thanks for the grins...:O) Hugs G-Ma

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