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It's Happened, finally.
The day has finally arrived. My copies for my two books are now available. Whoopee I am so excited, just to hold the new print run in my hands and smell the paper. Oh my how proud am I. Craig my darling son, my dream has come true, you will now be able to understand me better, and know why I do certain things in the way that I do. You have been my inspiration, my life and my truth. I have done this for you. I love you son.
The Hardest Achievement.
This article would not be the same if I didn’t have so many other wonderful people to mention. Writing my memoirs has been the single, hardest achievement that I have done in my entire life. Living my early childhood was a dream compared to facing all the memories from my young and middle term life. In fact it became a nightmare trying to understand the circumstances of my life and put them down into words showing how I had been affected.
Following my health scare with cancer in 2010, I decided to write my memoirs for my son to read and learn about his mum. I am the only relative on my side for Craig to look up too. He has never had the privilege of meeting his granny Elsie or any relation of mine, they are all deceased now. I am the last link to the Tomlinson family.
As Craig was growing up, he missed out so much on life by not knowing his mum’s family. Thankfully, his father’s family are all very close and even the extended family, cousins and aunts, all know Craig. But he had so little knowledge of my side of his family. As often as I could, I would sit him down and tell him little bits of stories about his granny and what family I remember. But I always felt sad that he would grow up never meeting the strong, inspirational person that his granny was.
It is true to say that she was aloof, un-yielding, proud and un-approachable most of the time. But being so young I didn’t understand why. My mother suffered 52 operations for cancer during a 7 year period of her life, and at the age of 9, I became her single care giver. My memoirs paint the story of a very selfish little girl who had such a lack of understanding and compassion for her mother. At times, I will be honest and say that I hated her, other times all I wanted was for her to say “I love you”. But most of all, I wanted an end to my life of insecurity and pain.
My memoirs are written with truth and honesty. My first editor actually thought I shouldn’t publish the book because of the way it portrays me. I have nothing to hide and nothing to regret. Young children in the same circumstances today, as I found myself in such a long time ago, should not be treated like heroes. They are the victims of a system that doesn’t understand that they are allowed to hate, be resentful of losing their childhood, or in pain and fear for their future. They are human, and have a right to feel as humans do.
If it hadn’t been for the input and understanding of my second editor, Roberta Weathers, Bobbirant here at Hub Pages, my book would never have been finished or put into print. I have Bobbi to thank for allowing me to breathe again. She even taught me to forgive my selfishness when I was younger, but most of all for reminding me that life is worth living. I will always be indebted to Bobbi for her kindness, understanding and tolerant nature. She doesn’t realise how much she has allowed me to open the door and fly once more.
My journey at Hub Pages has been a remarkable one, were I have laughed and cried with a few remarkable people. And, I also have them to thank. Maria, my cyber sister, who is the kindest and most wonderful friend I could wish for. We have shared so much more than writing. We have looked deeply into each other’s lives and supported each other along the way. Thank you hunnie for knowing and understanding the person that I am, and for never judging me.
Martie, whose humour has lifted many a depressive mood and brightened my day. Your encouragement and consideration of my writing has helped me to function. I love you my dear friend.
Femmeflashpoint, for more recently carrying me when I have been down. For believing in me and trying to push me on. Thank you Angelia, you are a wonderful friend.
Stuart, mustgt65 for keeping me company on yahoo chat, inspiring me with your writing, your humour and for standing by me even when I have felt grizzly.
Wayne Brown, whose talent I admire greatly, and for the permission to use your poem, “Man’s Prayerful Presence” to close my book. You are my inspiration.
Sunnie Day, for your beautiful smile and all the encouraging words and private mail received when I needed it the most.
WillStarr, for pushing me to perfect my writing. You will pull this apart today my friend. But it is all I can do to write.
There are so many more left un-named but not forgotten, whose talent and friendship I have got so used too. Without all of you, I could never have achieved so much.
For all my precious friends and hub buddies, I now salute you for your support and friendship that has carried me along on the breeze of life.
And to my long suffering partner Gordon, for laughing and crying with me over the past two years until I finished my book.
My final tribute must go to all the children who generously offer their lives every day to love and care for someone. It is alright to cry my darlings. It is fine to feel resentment because your hearts are so full of love, in the end they burst. It is alright to want to have fun, play with your friends, go and spend time alone, because you are the centre of a universe of ignorance and blame. Go fly with the birds and swim with the dolphins; you are the reality that I see. I love you all.