ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

It's Not Easy

Updated on December 11, 2013
Tony-2X from Tony DeLorger
Tony-2X from Tony DeLorger
Dark City from teabaek flickr.com
Dark City from teabaek flickr.com
caged in your own dreams from Gioia De Antoniis flickr.com
caged in your own dreams from Gioia De Antoniis flickr.com
Weeping Angel from bchookang flickr.com
Weeping Angel from bchookang flickr.com

It's Not Easy

By Tony DeLorger © 2013


It's not easy being me,

with all my thoughts, my sight and vision,

of what will be before it is,

the sadness, deep incisions.

Like movie s black a flickering,

the blood not red just dark,

I watch reality unfold in sight,

my scars eternal marks.

But for me I just see nothing,

not a future, not real just bare,

and I simply can't imagine,

what life will undo, repair.

Security for me is a misnomer,

it is a wistful want at best,

its non existent place in life,

bewilders, aspires, detests.

Alone I've always known as truth,

and who we touch in life a gift,

but in the end all things fade,

and alone we'll stand in shift.

What adds to life and the light of soul,

is the heart that gives regardless,

through all that pain and suffering,

and in love not turn to hardness.

What I see still haunts my nights,

and walls on every side,

but the joy I feel is potential,

that one day love will reside.

Thoughts so dark invade my mind,

and the chill of death's breath behind,

and I struggle day by day to hold,

the worth of it in kind.

For all the hate and destruction,

the world still imposes on,

I am but an emotional well of tears,

to keep at bay my reason.

For if not for those emotions,

we would all be heartless machines,

guided by wealth, power and lust,

real life a fanciful dream.

It's not easy being me,

I'm not like anyone else,

I smile and bleed and scream abuse,

but like you, its what I've been dealt.

And no matter what I see and do,

what I feel so deeply in my heart,

life will play its endless game,

just like at the very start.


The important thing to remember about life, is that it is a journey, not a destination.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      5 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      All about perception Maria, truth itself the pillars of the earth. It's not so much I'm depressed, but must share all viewpoints from darkness to light. All these shifts in thoughts and mood are valid and teach us something. My greatest work usually comes from my darkest places. The same with songwriting; good things always came from misery. lol

    • scrittobene profile image

      Maria D'Alessandro 

      5 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      Very honest account of your feelings and thoughts Tony with hope scattered between your words just as you might find in the tapestry of life's chiaro-scuro nature. Although things in life may seem coloured to the optimists, to those of us who are subject to sombre moments, they can appear dark just as you mention that red appears dark in a black and white film. This I thought was a good analogy. Red lips appear black but such lips will always remain red by their very nature. As such, we may feel beaten and insecure and unsure of the future but that doesn't mean that all those things are currently dark in colour nor will they necessarily always remain dark. One day, once the cloud of depression lifts, we will be able to see every vivid colour of the rainbow.

    • Tony DeLorger profile imageAUTHOR

      Tony DeLorger 

      5 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      Glad you connected to my thoughts, Nancy. It is these emotion-driven thoughts and expression that affect us most. Thanks for dropping by.

    • ashelladyhawke profile image

      Ashel Ladyhawke 

      5 years ago from California

      Your poem is so heart-wrenching. I feel as if I were going through this pain as I've done so many times before. I really do understand. Voted up and beautiful even if it is painful to the soul.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)