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It's Not Easy

Updated on December 11, 2013
Tony-2X from Tony DeLorger
Tony-2X from Tony DeLorger
Dark City from teabaek
Dark City from teabaek
caged in your own dreams from Gioia De Antoniis
caged in your own dreams from Gioia De Antoniis
Weeping Angel from bchookang
Weeping Angel from bchookang

It's Not Easy

By Tony DeLorger © 2013

It's not easy being me,

with all my thoughts, my sight and vision,

of what will be before it is,

the sadness, deep incisions.

Like movie s black a flickering,

the blood not red just dark,

I watch reality unfold in sight,

my scars eternal marks.

But for me I just see nothing,

not a future, not real just bare,

and I simply can't imagine,

what life will undo, repair.

Security for me is a misnomer,

it is a wistful want at best,

its non existent place in life,

bewilders, aspires, detests.

Alone I've always known as truth,

and who we touch in life a gift,

but in the end all things fade,

and alone we'll stand in shift.

What adds to life and the light of soul,

is the heart that gives regardless,

through all that pain and suffering,

and in love not turn to hardness.

What I see still haunts my nights,

and walls on every side,

but the joy I feel is potential,

that one day love will reside.

Thoughts so dark invade my mind,

and the chill of death's breath behind,

and I struggle day by day to hold,

the worth of it in kind.

For all the hate and destruction,

the world still imposes on,

I am but an emotional well of tears,

to keep at bay my reason.

For if not for those emotions,

we would all be heartless machines,

guided by wealth, power and lust,

real life a fanciful dream.

It's not easy being me,

I'm not like anyone else,

I smile and bleed and scream abuse,

but like you, its what I've been dealt.

And no matter what I see and do,

what I feel so deeply in my heart,

life will play its endless game,

just like at the very start.

The important thing to remember about life, is that it is a journey, not a destination.


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    • Tony DeLorger profile image

      Tony DeLorger 4 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      All about perception Maria, truth itself the pillars of the earth. It's not so much I'm depressed, but must share all viewpoints from darkness to light. All these shifts in thoughts and mood are valid and teach us something. My greatest work usually comes from my darkest places. The same with songwriting; good things always came from misery. lol

    • scrittobene profile image

      Maria D'Alessandro 4 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      Very honest account of your feelings and thoughts Tony with hope scattered between your words just as you might find in the tapestry of life's chiaro-scuro nature. Although things in life may seem coloured to the optimists, to those of us who are subject to sombre moments, they can appear dark just as you mention that red appears dark in a black and white film. This I thought was a good analogy. Red lips appear black but such lips will always remain red by their very nature. As such, we may feel beaten and insecure and unsure of the future but that doesn't mean that all those things are currently dark in colour nor will they necessarily always remain dark. One day, once the cloud of depression lifts, we will be able to see every vivid colour of the rainbow.

    • Tony DeLorger profile image

      Tony DeLorger 4 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      Glad you connected to my thoughts, Nancy. It is these emotion-driven thoughts and expression that affect us most. Thanks for dropping by.

    • ashelladyhawke profile image

      Nancy 4 years ago from California

      Your poem is so heart-wrenching. I feel as if I were going through this pain as I've done so many times before. I really do understand. Voted up and beautiful even if it is painful to the soul.