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It's Raining Outside - A Poem

Updated on July 7, 2017

Going back to this empty space again


Never noticed how silent the world around before


While screams of pain


Still banging inside my head


Oh, how unrealistic emotion could be?


It won’t separate experiences into category


Mixing everything inside one bowl only


Blending with unnecessary


Fading sanity


Erasing tranquility


Shaking consciousness


Exposing defect of awareness


I can feel the tips of withdrawal tickling my senses


Trying to blindfold my logic


Exile me into nothingness


Lying still


Trying hard to be numb and paralyze


Afraid of coming day


I ask;


Can we turning back


To the time when I still have that part of my heart


And stop there for while?


Or forever if it may?


I heard depression turned into rain outside


Curling on my bed; I cried

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  • Freya Cesare profile image
    Author

    Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Hello, everyone. I feel better now. Just too busy with everything so I can't be here too often. Please forgive me.

    Nell Rose, Yes, depression is horrible. But it also good experience to share with others and help me to understand more about how human's mind work.

    Blaise, Gulnazahmad, Micky Dee and Lady: Thank you very much. You are all great friends.

    Wayne Brown: Yes, it is a possibility. But I hope this is not a case of mine. And I'm sure it is not. Just a little trembling step which happened sometimes with everyone. Thank you, Sir. ^_^

    Uriel: I am busy as you are, sweety. School is really demanding, right? Wish you well there.

    Have a nice day, my friends. ^_^

  • Lady_E profile image

    Elena 6 years ago from London, UK

    Aaaawh.... Bitter Sweet but beautifully written.

    Thanks ((Big Hug))

  • Nell Rose profile image

    Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

    Hi, Freya, I know I already commented here, but I just wanted to say I hope you feel better now, nell

  • Micky Dee profile image

    Micky Dee 6 years ago

    Very beautiful dear Freya. Keep this up love.

  • gulnazahmad profile image

    gulnazahmad 6 years ago from Pakistan

    I hope Freya this is only poem and not about your life, depression is really killing-a slow poison.

    The poem on the other hand is full of deep emotions like ever before so thumbs up for this one too:-)

  • Wayne Brown profile image

    Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

    Freya, just as a precaution, next time you see your doctor, asking him specficially to check your B-12 levels. My mother fell into a deep depression in her early 70's and began to decline rapidly. For almost five years we watched her withdraw, change personality, eating perferences, everything...it was as if she moved out of her body and another person moved into it. Her weight dropped to 96 lbs. The doctors said she was just depressed and probably suffering some dimentia. Finally, we discoverd the source...pernicious anemia. With this illness, the digestive system losses its ability to absorb B-12 from the food intake. Without it her blood supply at the most basic level was breaking down. Had we not got a diagnosis when we did, she would have died with weeks. This is a illness which is misdiagnosed more than 30% of the time because the B-12 levels are not evident in standard blood tests and the high levels of folic acid in our foods mask the anemia present in the blood. Just a precaution...Thanks for sharing a sad and yet beautiful poem. WB

  • Uriel profile image

    Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

    Freya, i really love this poem. one of the best moments was at the very end of the poem, "I heard depression turned into rain outside

    Curling on my bed; I cried"

    I really love how you wrote this one down, the words the feelings it inflicts. And really this was one touching poem. I really loved how you portrayed the longing for the tranquil past, and i of all people know how that feels.

    Girl where have you been, haven't really heard from you in a while. [ Had no internet access except for brief moments since the spring semester finished, so i am really sorry for not keeping my promise on that letter i promised you. So how have you been, your work, your cats, and the mess we claim to be our life? I do hope to catch you soon, btw dragza's kids are big now :D:D how is ur cat doing on your side of the globe??

    Best of luck, always loving

    Huggies until you faint,

    Uriel

  • blaise25 profile image

    Fehl Dungo 6 years ago from close to you...

    Oh..I hope you feel sunshine reading this.

    This is so well written. Hope you're better now my friend. xx

  • Nell Rose profile image

    Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

    Hi, Freya, I hope you are feeling better now, depression is a horrible thing, it can drag you down a hole and its hard to climb back up, I know, this poem says it all, amazing, cheers nell

  • Freya Cesare profile image
    Author

    Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Ashantina: Yes, dear, you are right. Write it down will help me to release the emotion and the pain little by little. That is the best thing about writing. Thank you, dear. Hope you have great day there. ^^

  • Freya Cesare profile image
    Author

    Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Ahorseback: I wish you really here and give me that hug. I really need thousand hugs right now. But I am all right. Depression won't able to caught me because I knew very well depression will give me nothing but more trouble in life. I have those who depending on me and my well being. I won't let myself down because of it, promise!

    Thank you for the poem, Dad. That is so sweet and give smile in my face. ^^

  • Ashantina profile image

    Ashantina 6 years ago

    Thank you for sharing your heartfelt poem Freya. Whenever you're feeling low just grab your pen and paper and write write write!!! Expression is the key :)

  • ahorseback profile image

    ahorseback 6 years ago

    I once knew a beautiful girl....

    from Indonesia they say

    And in her heart she was

    the sun in many peoples day

    And then I heard she worked

    in healng annointments

    And I wondered how in the world

    I could get some appointments

    But she told me no.....We live

    way to far apart

    All I can say is Freya my Girl

    you broke my heart

    And now when I think of

    all that might matter

    I think of Freye my poetic

    and beautiful daughter.......

    A big huge ,Giant, monstrous, hug, from Papa......:-}

  • ahorseback profile image

    ahorseback 6 years ago

    MY BEAUTIFUL MUSLIM DAUGHTER , I will not stand for such a beautiful girl to live in such a dark space for very long. If I have to I will come down there and bear hug you into wellness! Because bear hugs heal you know? You have to be careful of the claws at all times even on me , Being a teddy bear and all! If this is a recurring depression Freya , I beg you to go and get some help . Depression is absolutely the worst desease in the modern world. When I think of all the wasted years that it held me captive .....Well its just the worst feeling I have now. Let people think what they may , but one small pill a day helps me to no end. I am a living man, compared to what I used to be. ...:-} Smile for me and a flower for you @-->-----

  • Freya Cesare profile image
    Author

    Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Always Exploring: Ruby dear, you already help by companying me in this hub. Sometimes words can't help at all. But knowing we have friend to share our thought is good medicine for soul.

    My depression is a result of trouble in life. The complexity caused it so hard to solve and become too painful to bear. Broke me down several times. And yes, God is the best helper for me too, ease my pain and erased my anger. changed helpless feeling into patient and anger into motivation.

    I love to laugh and yes, let's do that again. Thank you, Ruby. You are so kind.

  • Freya Cesare profile image
    Author

    Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Saddlerider1: Yes, it is really bad. But I didn't allowed myself to be drown by it. 3 days is enough!

    Indeed, under depression I usually created better work than usual. Even so, I hate the feeling of drowning it give me.Unbearable.

    I am fine now. Not in cheeky mode like usual but not in dark state of mind either. Once I make a decision, the door to sanity wide open again. What is left now just the cold pain. Hopefully it will gone soon after several days.

    Thank you for your kindness, sir. I hope you have great day. Hug back! ^^

  • always exploring profile image

    Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

    Oh Freya, I wish there was something i could say that would help you. Is it a chemical imbalance or just life that has you down? I went through a depressed period in my life, was given antidepressive medication, it really didn't help me because my depression was not a chemical imbalance. It was sad memories of a lost love. I found that writing eased the memories, plus seeking God's help. Today, i am ok. I hope you will see a Doctor to see what kind of depression you have. If it's chemical, there is medication that possibly will help. Please know that you are loved and my prayers are for a quick recovery. Remember when we both had the chicken hubs on the same day. We laughed about that and we will again. God/ Allah Bless you My Special Friend.

  • Freya Cesare profile image
    Author

    Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Always Exploring: Hello Ruby dear, my sweet and gentle heart friend. It happening for several days already. I almost fall, for 2 days I locked my emotion, afraid to be explode. Isolated myself from those I love because I didn't want to answer any question. But then I decided, when I realized what it will cost me if I let myself frozen in this pain, I have to beat myself up and fight. I want to used this pain as my drive to win the battle, and if it is Allah will, I will win. I hate being depress. It make me stupid. Thank you for your concern, dear. You are really great friend. I'm so happy I meet you here. :)

  • saddlerider1 profile image

    saddlerider1 6 years ago

    Freya my sweet lady, depression is difficult at the best and worst of times to cope with. I to have my deep and dark days and nights and often it's when my creativity comes out and my Muse allows me to write with vigor.

    This scribe you wrote here is sad yet beautiful, I pray that your depression will go away and hide for another day, week, month or year. Depression is like crazy glue it sticks so hard we can not tear it apart from our souls. These words you penned

    "I heard depression turned into rain outside"

    can be a title to a song or yet another poem....well done Bravo even in your sadness, this is a tender poem. Hugs to you from me.

  • always exploring profile image

    Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

    Oh, This is just too sad, hoping it's just poetry and not of the true soul. Very beautiful Freya.

    Smiles

  • Freya Cesare profile image
    Author

    Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Hopefully. Being able to said "I am in depression state" loudly is part of healing, I think. But still need more than just that to be able to surpassed this without too many open wound. Thank you, Mentalist Acer.

  • Mentalist acer profile image

    Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

    Depression into a coping progression,hopefully.;)