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Jokes-Only a Libertarian Could Love

Updated on June 3, 2014

They've been doin this for so long they smell the same !

....ya gotta L A U G H or go nuts~
....ya gotta L A U G H or go nuts~ | Source

"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian."- Henry Ford

Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.

Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats

A Liberal and a Genie

A liberal came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?" The genie replied, "Yes, but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your good fortune." The liberal said, "I'm a liberal. I'm always happy to share." The genie said, "O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I'll give every conservative in the country two of it. What's your first wish?" "I would like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What's your second wish?" "I'd like a million dollars." "O.K., you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What's your third and final wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."

~~~~

Things Republicans Believe


Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

J O K E S 4 L I B E R T A R I A N S blog never ends, like this here hub page ;~)

Are we NUTs !


....we must be:


~The punishment for oral sex in the Oval Office with an intern???
You become a respected elder Statesman!!

The punishment for stomping on an American Flag (Lil Wayne) while spewing hate filled lyrics during a Hip Hop performance...
Aw..he really didn't mean it!!


The punishment for sitting in a Church where your Pastor shouts out from the pulpit, "God Damn America??"
You become President of the United States!!!!


The punishment for showing your puny chest and gherkin-size penis on a Congressional Web Site???
You get to run for Mayor of New York!!!!!


And, the punishment for cavorting with prostitutes on a taxpayer-funded trip while Governor of New York (Eliot Spitzer),
You wind up as a political analyst on CNN!!!


BUT. The punishment for Celebrity Chef, Paula Deen, who admitted using the dreaded "N" word in private conversations years ago.
An instantaneous termination by the Food Network plus media-wide public scorn and a complete destruction of her earning capability in the future.


Are we Nuts???! Have we lost the ability to distinguish right from wrong !??

...and this author is liberal !

Will you vote for Rand Paul this time around ? He's as close as we can get to a "libertarian" in the White House.

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    • johnwindbell profile imageAUTHOR

      johnwindbell 

      7 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies

      You're welcome, JamaGenee, glad to be responsible for a chuckle along the way. I enjoy your 'goodies' as well.

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 

      7 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      Thanks for the stroll down memory lane and many chuckles along the way!

    • johnwindbell profile imageAUTHOR

      johnwindbell 

      7 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies

      Glad you enjoyed. Let me checkout yours today.

    • toknowinfo profile image

      toknowinfo 

      7 years ago

      Thanks for all the laughs. I enjoyed each and every one. Rated up and funny.

    • johnwindbell profile imageAUTHOR

      johnwindbell 

      7 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies

      Thanks Ixxy, politics - hey that reminds me; hows your rat doin? I used to have a pet of that nationality.

    • lxxy profile image

      lxxy 

      7 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

      Had me chuckling all the way down!

      Thanks.. ;D equal time...talk about a nice liberal though, donating a kidney and all! :D

    • johnwindbell profile imageAUTHOR

      johnwindbell 

      7 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies

      Hi elayne, and thanks for your input. Even I go back to it when I need a chuckle-fix. But the best one is my hub of divorce jokes; that gets the most hits...as for politics,

      well, there's more to life.

    • elayne001 profile image

      Elayne 

      7 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      These are great - I think politics is pretty much all comics these days. Thanks for the chuckles.

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