A Day With KeKe's Krazy Stripper Crew
Keke's Journal Part 1
- KeKe's Krazy Journal Part 1
Why did I try on a bikini first? I looked at myself in the mirror, gasped and stumbled into a chair. I looked like an Amazon stuffed into baby swimwear.
Embrace Your Motley Crew
I spent the day with my best friend Nora and her sister, Marci. Nora and I have been friends since we were knee high to a duck’s butt. Unlike me, the two sisters have always known what they wanted to be in life. Ever since we were young girls, Nora dreamed of being a wife and mother. I think she came out of the womb crying the “Wedding March” and throwing rice.
On the other hand, Marci, her beer guzzling sister, dreamed of being a dancer. Her grandmother proudly tells the story of how Marci would gyrate to “Mary Had a Little Lamb” or the Itsy Bitsy Spider” while pulling off her clothes. So when she became a stripper at Bobby’s Gentlemen’s Club she threw a big party to celebrate. In her speech to her party guest she said she always knew this was her destiny. Her boyfriend chimed in that she probably tried to use her umbilical cord to do her first pole dance.
Today we went shopping at a lingerie store Big Trixie from the strip club told Marci about. The store was having a fifty percent off sale and Nora wanted to buy some items for her honeymoon. That is, the honeymoon she’ll take once she finds a man and gets married. Crazy –yes, but poor thing subscribes to the “build it and they will come” philosophy. She’s purchased her wedding dress, veil, shoes and has collected her something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. She even has the bridesmaid dresses, all size fourteen, so they can be altered to fit once she has set the date. She thinks once she has everything in place Mr. Right will suddenly appear.
We met Big Trixie and some of the other strippers at “Bargain Lingerie and More.” I was surprised to see that she was a dwarf with a peg leg. She was accompanied by Bumper, Nexus and Honey. A dragon faced woman with an unlit cigarette hanging from her lips and a raspy smoker’s voice welcomed us to the store with coupons.
As Trixie and her stripper crew came out of the dressing rooms in different pieces of lingerie/stage outfits, one thing became clear to me. Men at Bobby’s Gentlemen’s club must pay a premium for c-section scars, bullet and knife wounds. Their bodies looked like they’d been in a war zone. Marci’s naked beer gut was nothing in comparison.
I listened to Trixie complain about having to make alterations to accommodate her peg. I was glad to see Nora emerge from the dressing room. She was wearing a white flowing negligee. She looked like an angel. I didn’t know this trashy place had such a classy piece. Well, it was classy until she turned around and she was @ss out in white leather chaps. The dragon and the stripper pole contingent thought this little number was as classic as the little black dress. I pounced on Nora like she was on fire, shoving her back into the dressing room before the FedEx guy came into the store.
While Nora changed, Marci filled me in on Trixie and Bumper’s on again off again friendship. Apparently the two always argue, but they had stopped speaking two months prior when Trixie said Bumper looked like a Clydesdale Horse from behind. Bumper apparently replied that Trixie’s peg leg looked like it had termites. That’s when the body glitter hit the fan and the two women declared themselves mortal enemies, that is, until Bumper’s dog, Gypsy Rose Lee, got sick and needed an expensive operation. Unbeknownst to Bumper, Trixie got the girls at the club to donate a portion of their nightly earnings to the “Save Gypsy Rose Lee Fund.” Apparently there was enough money collected for the operation and for Bumper to replace her cracked clear heeled stilettos. And who said “stripper with a heart of gold” was just a cliché?
I overheard Honey telling the FedEx guy about “Mud Wrestling Wednesdays” at the club. I could almost see his dollar bills marching out of his pocket and parachuting into her g-string. She was by far the most attractive of this bunch, cross eyes notwithstanding.
When we left the store, Nora and I trailed behind the others. Trixie’s peg leg got stuck in a crack in the sidewalk and all the ladies came to her aid – tugging until she was free. I looked at the motley crew and was reminded how blessed we are to have good friends in our lives who are there for us in good times and during our struggles.