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Life, As Is - Chapter 3
I needed air and I said as much to Jim, blaming the evil caffeine I ingested earlier. I had to assure him I was fine going out by myself. Not only did I not want him on my walk with me but I really didn't want him kissing me either, even if it was just a peck. Once I got down the block I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Katrina. I had too many questions.
"I don't know what to do," I blurted.
"What do you mean about what? I'm living a life which I know nothing about! Did you know Jim walks around naked?"
"Really?" I could tell she was smiling.
"I know nothing about me and my life and it's freaking me out! I need help!"
"Have you Googled yourself? You know you have a Facebook page, right?"
"No, I don't! I'm telling you, I don't know anything! What about my job? How am I supposed to...I don't know...get there? Or sell stuff? Sell stuff about which I know nothing! Plus, I've always hated sales! Oh, and Greg came to my apartment today! The only man I ever really loved is living across the hall, married to some bitch..."
"Ok, let's focus on one thing at a time. Do you remember what Google is?
"Yes!" I answered defensively.
"Well, I'm just making sure; you did forget everything else. Anyway, Google yourself. I'm sure you'll find out where you work and everything. I think you have a LinkedIn account, too. Also, weren't there catalogs or something like that in the second bedroom? Go through those and try to familiarize yourself with everything you sell." For once, Katrina was making sense. She added, "Maybe after doing some research you'll start remembering some things.
I assumed it most likely wouldn't work that way; but what did I know?
I did remember that I had the email trail between Katrina and me, so at the very least I had my email address. Any social media accounts I might have would most likely be under that account.
"Ok, just one more question and I'll let you go." I had no idea why it mattered at this point, "Kids. I know Jim and I don't have any but...are we thinking about it? Have we tried..."
She hesitated for a second before saying, "You tried but..."
"Ok, ok. Just thought I'd ask. I mean you did say we're looking for a house so..."
"That's because he's not too crazy about the city."
I did remember Jim talking about how he didn't like city life when we spent time together in California. In my previous life with Greg, we tried to get pregnant for a few miserable years with no luck. Apparently, nothing has changed since I've been with Jim. I hung up with Katrina, and walked back to the apartment.
When I got home Jim was, thankfully, clothed wearing a blue t-shirt and shorts. I may not have been in love with Jim but I couldn't deny the fact that he was one of the best looking men I had ever met...next to Greg. The blue t-shirt accentuated his eyes; a unique grayish blue that always made my stomach flutter.
"Hi, hun. Feeling any better?" He asked as he walked up to me and kissed me. This time I liked it.
"Yeah, I think so," I smiled.
I went into our second bedroom/office, determined to find out a few things about myself. Luckily, my social media accounts were connected to the email address I used to communicate with Katrina.
According to my LinkedIn account and my company website I was Vice President of Sales. How the hell did that happen? Not only have I always hated sales but I also could not stand Corporate America. I looked at my professional bio and almost threw up a little in my mouth. My bio was littered with corporate jargon like "growth-strategies," "high playoffs" and "empowering." On the upside, the office was only walking distance from my apartment.
I moved on to my Facebook page. I had over five-hundred "friends." I don't think I've ever even met five-hundred people! I scrolled down the contact list and only recognized a handful of names. Mostly people I knew from school. I stopped scrolling when I saw, of all people, Damian. He was now in his forties and still played guitar and still had the frizzy long hair he had when he was in his twenties.
Greg, of course, wasn't on my contact list and neither were our mutual friends through whom we originally met. I did a quick search for him but found nothing. I noticed none of my relatives except for Caelum were on my contact list but that didn't surprise me. I had lost touch with most of my family years before, after abandoning the family religion.
During my visit to 1997 I reconnected with my younger brother Caelum and became somewhat close to him. However, looking at his pictures of Facebook I almost didn't recognize him. Throughout his life, Caelum always had wavy, unruly hair that constantly was in need of a cut. Even into his thirties, his wardrobe pretty much consisted of baggy shorts and Billabong shirts. The Caelum I was looking at right now looked as if he stepped off a J. Crew catalog; clean cut and wearing flattering grown-up clothes. That alone, took my brain a minute to process but what was even a bigger shock was the wife and two kids. They, of course, looked happy which is the way most people try to portray themselves on Facebook, but I knew my brother. He genuinely looked happy which was a look I rarely ever saw on Caelum.
I wanted to be proud of him but – and believe me, I hate to admit this – part of me always took pleasure in the fact that, of the two of us, he was always the bigger disappointment of the family. I felt a twinge of jealousy seeing the pictures of his two beautiful kids; one boy and one girl. The perfect family Greg and I had been striving for when we were together.
I shut off the computer and told myself to stop focusing on what I don’t have at the moment and think about what I need to do now that I'd been thrown into this life.
[To read chapter 4 click here: http://hubpages.com/literature/Life-As-Is-Chapter-4]
(c) 2014 Brenda Thornlow
Brenda Thornlow was voted one of the 50 Great Writers You Should Be Reading for 2015. She is the author of the new fiction series My Life as I Knew It; the short story, The Revolving Door and A Godless Love. Available at Amazon. (Link below)
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© 2014 Brenda Thornlow