11 Lame Limericks of Love and Lustfulness
Choosing a topic
My process of writing a collection of limericks is first to choose a topic. This is the easy part, whatever comes into my head. My previous topics have been 'life', 'tv and movie characters' and 'sport'. This time I decided to choose 'love' as it is the most popular subject for poetry. However limericks by their very nature tend to lend themselves to leaning towards the ruder side of things, so although I had good intentions, some of these tend to contain 'adult themes' as the movies say.
Therefore I decided to alter the title from "Limericks of Love" to "Lame Limericks of Love and Lustfulness". I hope you enjoy my fourth collection of limericks.
A Good Fit
There was a young couple in love,
Brought together by God up above.
When they were apart
It broke both their hearts.
Her name was Hands, and his Glove.
The Pearl Diver
A tanned deep-sea diver, Tom Sirl
Was desperately needing a girl.
While diving one day
He shouted, "Hooray!"
He's caught a sweet mermaid named 'Pearl.'
A couple from London were courting,
Though it may not have seemed very sporting.
When they drove to the lake,
His clothes off he's take,
Then she'd run away laughing and snorting.
I'm Behind You
A fellow with love on his mind,
Had a thing for a curvy behind.
He met this big girl
Who'd sway and she'd twirl.
Oh she was a wonderful find.
Over My Dead Body
A couple were due to be wed,
But the bride's mother suddenly said,
"If you marry that guy
Your father will die!
With my blessing, please go ahead."
A horny young soldier named Frank
Spent most of the war in a tank.
Though from the U.S of A
That isn't to say,
The reason they called him a 'Yank.'
King of the Ring
True love is a beautiful thing,
It is often sealed with a ring.
As husband and wife
You're a couple for life,
As long as you treat him like King.
Love at First Sight
Their eyes met in the candlelight,
It was clearly love at first sight.
She smiled as he rose
Up onto his toes,
Just as tall as the table in height.
Roses are Red
Roses are red and violets are blue,
Honey is sweet and so are you,
Sunflowers are bright,
Except in the night,
So let's get together and ..garden.
Heart Race Disgrace
I met a beauty who made my heart race,
I asked her to come see my place.
She stepped in the door'
Took one look at the floor,
And said, "What an utter disgrace!"
The Internet Date
A pretty young girl known as Kate
Agreed to an Internet date.
The fellow she met
Who looked good on the Net,
Turned out obese, ugly, and late.
© 2014 John Hansen