Learn How to Become a Real Werewolf
Becoming a Werewolf
So, it seems you've decided you want to become a real werewolf. Well, then, my friend, you're in for a gruesome task. Becoming a werewolf is no easy task and it requires a lot of responsibilities. In order to become a werewolf, you need to be bitten by a current werewolf.
All werewolves must apply to the Werewolf Behavior Limitations and Regulations Handbook. This 918 page handbook (in English) covers a lot of mumbo-jumbo, but here are the main ones:
- Werewolves may only bite people who have applied to become werewolves
- Werewolves may only marry other werewolves so as to reduce public knowledge of their existence (it is therefore required for werewolves to ask potential spouses to apply for werewolveship)
- Werewolves may only travel to another country if using the Werewolf agency, which will accommodate special tour guides to ensure behavior is controlled and to warn other countries of werewolf travel
- Werewolves are exempt from any and all activity the days before and after a full moon. This extends to jobs, religious acts, government appointments. Werewolves who have shown lack of concern for full-moon behavior restraints must sign in at a local werewolf shelter.
Some Werewolf History
All werewolves are tracked by the government in order to ensure Werewolf law is upheld. Back in 1837, the US had decided that werewolves could lead to a potential contamination and were considered too dangerous to reside without proper identification. This was decided after a werewolf outbreak in the UK led to a same ruling. Within 20 years, most countries came up with a similar law when it came to werewolves. Most countries, including the US, put a limitation on how many new werewolves are allowed per year.
If any other humans were required to identify themselves at all time and follow a separate code, it'd be considered "racism". However, because the werewolf is a mutation, it is considered acceptable to separate them because they're partially inhuman.
Werewolves and Wars
It is a secret agreement that Werewolves cannot become soldiers as it would give a superhuman advantage to a war. However, that hasn't stopped various countries from employing mercenary agencies that hire werewolves. Since the werewolf-warfare law only applies to national armies, and not mercenaries, it is considered a loophole. For werewolves, mercenary jobs can earn upwards of $1,500,000 a year.
Werewolf Boarding Schools
Werewolves are forbidden from joining boarding schools other than werewolf boarding schools. Only 3 such schools exist in North America. Any and all werewolves under the age of 18 can apply for these schools regardless of citizenship provided they legally reside in a North American country. Tuition is paid for by the Northa America Werewolf Agency, which is funded by various taxes among all the countries in North America.
Werewolves are allowed to join public and private schools with other children. For universities, werewolves may join, but not dorm at, any campus they so choose.
Wait? What about people who accidentally become werewolves?
If a Werewolf breaks the rules about requiring permission to bite someone, that werewolf will be sentenced to a 20 year prison sentence in a Werewolf-only prison in Alaska.
The victim(s) will be admitted into Werewolf Academy directly and initiated regardless of the Werewolf quota. If the quota does go overboard, the difference is taken from the following year's quota.
Applying to Become a Werewolf
So now that you know the restrictions of becoming a werewolf, you are ready to find out how to become a real live werewolf.
For United States Residents: you must visit the Werewolf Academy in Long Island, New York. Because werewolf status is exclusive, you must find out for yourself where it is in order to prove your determination to become one. Thankfully, Long Island isn't all that long so you will probably eventually locate it within 6 months.
Before letting you become a werewolf, the Academy will:
- Run a background check for good citizen behavior
- Enroll you for a tuition-free 6 month program where you will reside in campus learning the Werewolf Handbook, learning proper calendar readings, and learning how to werewolf-proof your house for your Full-Moon isolations
- Pass the werewolf exam with a 90% score or higher and then be assigned a Biting Day where you will become a werewolf and be assigned a Werewolf Identification Number.
Werewolves don't really exist so you can't actually become one. Sorry. This was just a fun piece to write and should not be taken as anything other than HUMOR.