Letter to My Darling Daughter
It’s funny how I still wake up in the middle of the night from a sound sleep when I know you need help. I don’t know why because you’re actually an adult now, 18, and although it’s a different kind of need you have, for me it’s the same feeling in my belly I used to get when you were a little baby. I really didn’t need that monitor, I just knew then, too. My baby girl is crying and I feel her sadness and it still wakes me up to this day.
From a distance I hear your muffled voice and it sounds like you’re on the phone with your best friend. It’s 2:00 in the morning and in a low voice you’re telling her how you just don’t know how “He doesn’t feel the same way about me. Why, what’s wrong with me? My feelings are so strong for him and he just doesn’t show me he cares about me.”
I realize I shouldn’t be listening and I’m sorry. I really don’t want to know what someone said or did to you to make you cry because it honestly makes my claws come out and I don‘t know what I‘d do or say to that person if they were standing in front of me, but I also know it‘s not my place anymore because you‘re all grown up.
I do want to make sure you’re not too down on yourself, though, before I actually get some sleep tonight, and that’s only IF I can relax while I am worrying about you and your heart being hurt by some boy who doesn’t deserve you or your feelings.
I want to scream. I am frustrated with you because I don’t know why you would ever give your heart away to someone who hasn’t shown you first by his actions that he will protect you and your heart from being broken. I feel responsible for you being hurt because I didn't teach you this but I realize that it’s a lesson that really can't be taught anyway.
I want to tell you to be happy with who you are without relying on the attention of some boy to make you feel good about yourself because they will all do that in the beginning, pay attention and make you feel special, that is. You give way too much of yourself too quickly and you should make a man work to get your attention. I’m sorry if that sounds old-fashioned, but in my book that’s just the way it should be.
I want to tell you that if a good relationship is what you want, then always continue to work on your own interests, your own life, have your own friends and activities and never ever stop. Rely on yourself because you’re the only one who can make yourself truly happy.
Don’t become all about him. Keep him guessing. Keep him curious. Keep him wanting more from you ~ not the other way around.
Guys want the chase, never make yourself too available, EVER, not even if you wind up falling in love and marrying the guy. Flirt, but don’t be promiscuous. Lead him by wrapping him around your little finger, but don’t tease him and don’t hold the reigns too tight either. Be a little mysterious. Tell him you want him to have time with his friends, encourage it, and expect that in return. No one likes jealousy, either way, it’s not attractive.
That initial infatuation stage (where the person is everything you want and can do no wrong) can not and will not last forever. Truly being in love with someone means you fall in and out of love over and over again. You will find that one day but you can’t force it by trying to be the perfect person for someone else. You are young, you have time, live your life and be free.
If there is really one thing I want you to know from this - and I truly wish I could say this out loud to you because it sums it all up - it‘s: "Always be yourself because it will always, always, always be enough for the person who is in love with you." Please remember that.
I can’t say any of this to you because you have not chosen me to tell your problems to and I’m not even supposed to know you‘re crying. As a mom, I guess I will just always want to kiss the booboo and make it better.
I know you will figure all of this out on your own, and with the help of your friends. It will all be okay because I know how strong you are and this one isn’t even actually as bad as other times when you've been upset.
You and I have been through a lot together. When you were a little girl, you always seemed to need me so much and you talked so much at times I thought my ears would fall off, lol! Then when you were a little older you started to push me away in those early pre-teen years. OMG, then our arguments started when you were 13 and boy did we have some doozies!
There were the times when we could only write each other letters about how we felt because both of us would otherwise wind up yelling at each other and it would get us nowhere. I thought those turbulent years would never end, but things got better. You grew up and I had to start treating you more like an adult than a child. It was hard, but we made it..
Then when you were 15 you had your first broken heart and you turned to me to cry on my shoulder and let me help you. I realized then how strong you were when you got over that because you were absolutely crushed and in all honestly it scared me to see you go through that.
Anyway, my darling daughter, now that you’re all grown up and have matured into the beautiful young woman that you are, I just want you to always know that if you need me, I am here for you and I will always love you more than anyone in this world!
- Mom Tips
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