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Letter to the missing parent

Updated on January 14, 2016
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I wrote these during some dark times. Putting a voice to some pain, that my family would never agree with me doing. BUT I DO IT ANYWAY!!

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Value yourself

To all parents out there that get pushed out of their children's lives, I know by statistics that the incognito parent turns to things that will numb their pain. I am here to tell you that alcohol and drugs are not the answer. In most cases, that is the reason why you lose contact with them to begin with. They will always get what they need in the child support that you provide. Our government makes sure that they are taken care of. However, who takes care of you? I have heard that so many people that go through such traumatic life changes end up hurting someone else, like shootings at movie theaters. That is not going to make the situation any better. It will NOT make you any better. You need to find a new way of thinking to push your way through. I KNOW, because I have had to do the same thing. Just to push myself through. Give yourself some time to grieve, then don't let yourself react to the pain anymore, because that is what they want. You will later realize that NOTHING surprises you anymore. I believe that a lack of trust is my strength, not my weakness. It is my protection. This day and age, you have to protect yourself in one way or another. I, for one, know that no one else on this planet will ever protect me. YOU MUST FILL THE VOID YOURSELF!!!

Protect yourself

Thick limestone walls

From those short and tall

If they get in

Your heart will die

You must protect yourself

to stay alive.

I recently met a retired service member who is now my father's age, and he was pushed out of his children's lives, all SIX of them. They want nothing to do with him. He told me that he used to blame himself. However, he is no longer blaming himself. He said, you can't change the past. Plain and simple. He lives with not seeing his children every day. SOLE CUSTODY, KEEP OUT!! These children have children, his grandchildren, that will never know their grandfather. He will most likely die without ever seeing his children again. People should remember, "Life will eventually come full circle, and it will then be too late." One day, your children or grandchildren will have their children taken away from them, and you will not see them, by default. Not really fair, but that tis life. To all those parents that must go through this kind of pain, AFTER I did; I would like to say, "I'm sorry. I wish I can say that the pain lessens, but it doesn't. Later on in life, it will be the grandchildren and great-grandchildren that suffers." BUT YOU MUST FILL THE VOID YOURSELF!!!

However, I have great respect for this retired serviceman. I do not know what caused the destruction of his family, but I know that this is the reality of more families than people want to believe. The canvas of America is falling apart, in more ways than one. I would love to see what it will take to tighten that canvas again? I know it won't be any particular Presidential Candidate. Democrat, Independent or Republican. It will have to be someone or something else. Only time will tell, but for some of us, that time will be too late.

My advice to you is, "un-parent," just stop blaming yourself. Set up your own path and follow it. Don't go back, go forward. If your children meet you when you are moving forward, then so be it. If they don't, so be it. Acceptance will go a long way.

You lived a life before your children, you will live a life after your children. Like me, I plan on using my parents timeshare on me, myself and I. I can go to Vegas, Mexico....anywhere else that this timeshare book says I can go. Damn straight, one day, I am going to do just that. My parents had thought about getting rid of the timeshare. However, they decided to keep it and give it to me and my oldest brother and his family. I can venture anywhere I want to and just get lost. ADVENTURE FOR ONE?? YES PLEASE!!!! I want to continue my story. There is more of the world to see. I want to learn new things, try new foods and experience new culture. AND I SHALL!!! I don't need anyone in my life to do these things. Sometimes sharing these things with someone else makes you not do what you want to do. You compromise and settle. You should have every right to do what you want to do. (But then again, I have ALWAYS been a non-conformist. I have my own ideas on who I should be, and not some generic, same as everybody else, kind of person. Just way too many of those.)

Animal Rescue

Please always remember, that you do not have to search for love in another human being. I know how disappointing some people can be. Animal shelters have plenty of pets that need love and good homes. If you do adopt a pet, you will then wonder who rescued who. I know that's what I always tell my dog. They have a way of bonding with you that is actually much more special than bonding with a human. Please ALWAYS rescue for the right reasons. There have been so many battered animals lately. They deserve our respect. SAVE A RESCUE PET and you will save yourself!! A rescue pet will help you start living again.

Thank you, MY ANGEL, for coming into my life. The fact that my ex-husband disliked you makes me love you even more. Shockingly, my father is not much for bigger dogs, but Angel and Grandpa have developed their own relationship. Grandpa puts her outside and lets her in while I am at work, or nursing a migraine. I have found that Angel really listens to men. I have no regrets having her in my life. Breed discrimination be damned!!!

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