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Living in Limbo: My Fate of Neither Being Completely Here Nor There

Updated on August 11, 2017
Missy Smith profile image

Missy is a unique writer who enjoys inviting her readers into her thoughts through her poetry and other topics of discussion.  

An Explanation Into My Twilight Zone

There really wasn't much inspiration put into this poem. It was more like a poem of a day to day struggle in the land of unhappy and void. This one does portray a little of a "want" to it; a want to be happy, and trying to find a reason to live on by looking into a beautiful horizon.

Even so, I will confess that the part about horizon and happiness, however, did come a bit from a clip in which I was lucky enough to run across while I was writing this poem. It was a clip I will post here, and it was of Alfred Hitchcock, of all people, answering a question about what makes him happy. It was a little shocking, but then again, it wasn't really so shocking at all. Hitchcock, being the horror story, off in the Twilight Zone, type of person he portrayed, seemingly had a gentle heart. Not surprising when I thought about how I, myself, have a deep dark side, but also feel that I am a gentle soul. It was most interesting to say the least and did contribute a little to the poetic form of this one. I hope you enjoy!

Source

A Happy Horizon

I’m losing it; I know I am. It’s a scary feeling to want out

of this life fight…


Out of these responsibilities which always seem to fall to

failure made unimportant by the right...


never good enough to hit a mark, or milestone, no single

containment I have known.


And so, I think about my ashes buried deep in waters blue,

where I can finally feel brand new…anew...

(continued)


Source

no guilt or sadness of being alone anymore. Just a pleasurable

whirl of nothing; all hurtful judgments – be atoned.


I would float in my dreams that would at present seem achieved,

now that I had left behind that earthly part of me...


marveling over never feeling this worthless again,

with a total strength - an enlightenment.


Oh, I want this, but I can’t seem to go. I still have this

necessity to carry on, and on, and on…

(continued)


Source

that want to be loved for who I am here, is at this

time a stronger pull than my desire for the afterlife of Zen.


Therefore, until that time, I will continue to long for

that clear horizon, and a problem-free soul.


A breeze, if you will, out of these very sad bones. One

day, it will come, probably unexpected.


I’ve been strong so far, that noose I keep neglecting.

Happiness will be that horizon faraway.


I do, indeed, look forward to the embrace it will

bestow on me someday…

© 2017 Missy Smith

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    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 5 days ago

      Missy, I listened to Alfred Hitchcock's video before I read your poem and see so much truth in what he said. Isn't it wonderful that he had such a light in the darkness? Your title intrigues me--"of being neither here or there," and indicates a very real state of being.

      But the truth is not to be found in man's religion whether it be Allah or man's twisted version of the real Jesus. It can't be found in books or music because it must be found within. Keep writing your poetry and expressing yourself because as long as you keep your creativity flowing, you are touching eternity and channeling something beyond your human self. You will get there! Namaste, Miz B.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 6 days ago from Pacific Northwest

      You always touch my soul because you and I have had so many similar emotional and life struggles. Our minds, when altered by chemistry, chemicals, seemingly endless struggles, or by the terrible things people (especially people we love and who are supposed to love us), lie to us about our worth, our value, our future, about how our Creator sees and treasures us, about His love for us, and His plan for us in and out of our struggles. There is a devil also, not equal in power to God, but nonetheless powerful and he is a deceiver.

      You have impacted so many lives, mine for one, by your honesty, transparency, vulnerability, and a sweetness I suspect is unseen or believed by you. Listen, death is not about nothingness. It may not go along with what you have believed or heard, but death is about eternity. That's not popular in our culture today to believe in eternity, heaven or hell, it's not politically correct, but the reality of it is true. Where your eternal address and destiny will be is dependent on your relationship with God. I am not speaking of zen or Buddah, or Allah, or any similar types of God's or afterlife beliefs the world offers, it's about Jesus. If you study the Bible and ask God to reveal Himself to you, reveal the truth to you with a sincere open heart, you will see a Savior, a Shepherd who loves you without limits or requirements. His death was in our place, His resurrection for our hope and future. Something for you to consider, dear Missy. I think of you every so often and pray for you. Don't give up, because I need you and so many others do too. God is the giver of life, eternal life, and the means to give your life meaning and impact on others. Sending hugs and prayers.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 6 days ago from Riga, Latvia

      Really wonderful poetry.

    • threekeys profile image

      ThreeKeys 7 days ago from Australia

      Missy Smith I felt I wanted to offer a book to read. I finished rereading it today. I saw things differently again. Its an oldie but still an awakener. I hope it helps to move you to a better place. Dont be misled by the title. The authour is David Hawkins and the title is Power vs Force. He has a lot of other titles that may be helpful to you. Its given me hope and reminded me of who I need to be.