Living in Limbo: My Fate of Neither Being Completely Here Nor There
An Explanation Into My Twilight Zone
There really wasn't much inspiration put into this poem. It was more like a poem of a day to day struggle in the land of unhappy and void. This one does portray a little of a "want" to it; a want to be happy, and trying to find a reason to live on by looking into a beautiful horizon.
Even so, I will confess that the part about horizon and happiness, however, did come a bit from a clip in which I was lucky enough to run across while I was writing this poem. It was a clip I will post here, and it was of Alfred Hitchcock, of all people, answering a question about what makes him happy. It was a little shocking, but then again, it wasn't really so shocking at all. Hitchcock, being the horror story, off in the Twilight Zone, type of person he portrayed, seemingly had a gentle heart. Not surprising when I thought about how I, myself, have a deep dark side, but also feel that I am a gentle soul. It was most interesting to say the least and did contribute a little to the poetic form of this one. I hope you enjoy!
A Happy Horizon
I’m losing it; I know I am. It’s a scary feeling to want out
of this life fight…
Out of these responsibilities which always seem to fall to
failure made unimportant by the right...
never good enough to hit a mark, or milestone, no single
containment I have known.
And so, I think about my ashes buried deep in waters blue,
where I can finally feel brand new…anew...
no guilt or sadness of being alone anymore. Just a pleasurable
whirl of nothing; all hurtful judgments – be atoned.
I would float in my dreams that would at present seem achieved,
now that I had left behind that earthly part of me...
marveling over never feeling this worthless again,
with a total strength - an enlightenment.
Oh, I want this, but I can’t seem to go. I still have this
necessity to carry on, and on, and on…
that want to be loved for who I am here, is at this
time a stronger pull than my desire for the afterlife of Zen.
Therefore, until that time, I will continue to long for
that clear horizon, and a problem-free soul.
A breeze, if you will, out of these very sad bones. One
day, it will come, probably unexpected.
I’ve been strong so far, that noose I keep neglecting.
Happiness will be that horizon faraway.
I do, indeed, look forward to the embrace it will
bestow on me someday…
© 2017 Missy Smith