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Turning Blind

Updated on July 25, 2013

Blinded by his looks and amazing personality,

I started dating a guy who I met on a website.

He didn’t live far from me, just by the sea,

And after a while he was the biggest love in my life.

I was over the moon that he wanted to be with me,

After dating for three months he asked me to live with him.

Friends thought it too fast, but I carried on obliviously,

We found a place, and couldn’t wait to move in!

Our lives together were so much fun at the start,

But then I felt forced into bringing in some money.

I was on benefits so a sufficient income was hard.

I found part time work, but alas he was still not pleased.

He kept leaving the front door open for anyone to walk in,

He washed my delicate lingerie on a hot wash with his chef whites.

He took my money and sold some of my things,

He was flirting with lots of other women where we met; Facebook website.

He got angry with me when I said: "leaving the door open was careless."

He went abroad together with an ex girlfriend, pretending it was her birthday.

He wasn’t turned on when I dressed up sexily, so I sat in our flat looking a mess,

Our sex life stopped some time in May, I don’t remember the exact day.

The last day of our sex life was the worst I’ve ever known,

He raped me and I couldn’t stop him, I was far too scared.

He was much stronger than me, I was afraid to say “no,”

I cried and cried with my eyes closed tight. I ran to the bathroom after, and saw how much I’d bled.

We hardly communicated from that day on,

He was sleeping on the sofa and working longer hours.

He was rude and arrogant, and hated it when I told him so,

One day I made up my mind to leave him, I just had to plan out how.

I decided to wait for his next day off and end it calmly and maturely,

A day later I received a text message saying he was fed up of me having a go at him, and he wanted me to leave him alone.

That was fine, I wanted to end it anyway! He was the first guy to dump me, but I was happy!

I was there still a month later until I could move back home.

That whole month was in silence, we didn’t even speak on the phone. It was like we lived alone,

I knew he was planning to go home to Martinique, to see his family, the week before I moved out.

The day before he was due to leave he rang me in desperate need of the number of his ex girlfriend, asking if I still had it on my phone,

That made me incredibly curious as to the urgency and I found in with his tickets were some for her aswell.

I just laughed, and thought to myself, you utter bastard, you don't know how to care,

After everything you have put me through, I now find this out!

He’d clearly been cheating on me for months. I just didn’t want to be aware,

He was a rebound relationship, a huge mistake, I have no doubt.

I was blinded by him, but now I see,

And I empathise with everyone who has been in a blinding relationship like me.


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    • Georgie98 profile image

      Georgie98 6 years ago from UK

      Oh that's very kind of you to say Epi! And thank you so much for reposting my poem, that is very generous and I am honoured.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago

      ...this is quite a brave, courageous and stunning piece of writing - ran like a movie in my head - and I just sat at the end - drained - I will post this most awesome, honest and soulful poem so more people can see/read these words - you deserve a bigger fan base with writing like this - and I will be the one who blows the trumpet for you - lake erie time ontario canada 8:49pm sending you warm wishes and good energy

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      You're right about hindsight.. it may be 20/20, but it damn-well sucks.

    • Georgie98 profile image

      Georgie98 7 years ago from UK

      I couldn't agree more Lady face. I did take some comfort in that his family had more or less disowned him. His uncle adopted him when he was a baby because his mum died, and his dad was a loser apparently. So he grew up knowing his aunt and uncle were his parents and their 3 daughters were his sisters. But his aunt refused to adopt him and they never contacted him. He always had to ring them. He got upset but I just thought to myself, well you're now an arrogant dick what do you expect! You've moved to England trying to better yourself, and you probably talk down to them. So get a grip, and shut the fuck up whining!

      This relationship was well over 2 years ago, so I've moved on. It doesn't upset me anymore, I don't even remember what he looks like. But I feel like an idiot for not leaving when I first started having doubts, and should've listened and trusted my instincts.

      They say hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it's not, it's horrible, because you see the realisation of what you should/could have done.

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      I've been in that place; you are not alone. People like that deserve nothing more than to fall in love and have their hearts ripped out over and over and over, until their life has ended. They only deserve to feel like true happiness will never be theirs. Not that they know what that is anyway.

      Sad to hear you went through this.

    • Georgie98 profile image

      Georgie98 7 years ago from UK

      Thanks very much for your comment George. Yeah I did hear my friends out and I was in two minds about it, but it's a lot harder than you realise. Especially when I was in the position I was in prior to living with him. He made it seem so exciting. Clearly I was wrong! But at least I see that now and I know to trust my instincts. Which I should've learnt long before I even met the guy in the poem.

    • George J Hardy profile image

      George J Hardy 7 years ago from Southern New Jersey

      what an ordeal! good thing you got it of your chest with your poem. If there is a next time, please listen to your friends.

    • Georgie98 profile image

      Georgie98 7 years ago from UK

      Thank you for your compliments.

      You should share the poem if you feel able to. This happened to me 2 years ago so I'm able to deal with it.

      As for your style of writing, I think it's great, but what is in your head may not be in others when they read it. Like the speed for example, and when to stop and break the poem up. But don't think I'm the world's best at spelling and grammar, I know I make mistakes! Everyone does. But your beautiful words should be read properly, not something I feel I am having to rush through or guess when to breathe!

    • Heart Felt Book profile image

      Cheri Taylor 7 years ago from New York, NY

      This was nice also your a great writer, I love your flow.

      I did write one poem in a break down (He stands and smoke) I will add it on. I just thought it was funny that I didn't know i had written one like that.You did help all feed back is good I do thank you and look forward to more. I have my own style of writing I guess but there's always room for growth and correction.Great hub !!!

    • Georgie98 profile image

      Georgie98 7 years ago from UK

      Thanks Charlie. :) Yeah there are some proper nasties out there. But like I said, he was a rebound guy, which I have learnt now never to do! Along with lots of other lessons I've learnt. Just like I learnt to never have a one night stand ever again, after the one time I did. You live and learn. And some people meet the right ones they're meant to be with, and some don't. I hope one day I do. :)

    • profile image

      ralwus 7 years ago

      Ah Georgie Girl, too bad. I have seen this many times. Some guys are just shyt. Sorry you had to learn that. Hugs, Charlie

    • Georgie98 profile image

      Georgie98 7 years ago from UK

      What sort of dancing do you like to do most? Besides dancing on here! ;)

    • Sa`ge profile image

      Sa`ge 7 years ago from Barefoot Island

      :D thanks i love to dance and now it is about the only way I can so I tend to do it most joyfully when i read such a great hub. :D hug :D

    • Georgie98 profile image

      Georgie98 7 years ago from UK

      Thank you for your kind words sa'ge, I know love is great, the guy above was a rebound relationship from one that had lasted 5 years. I moved in with the 5 yr guy after being with him for about 2 years so I do have some sense. Just at the time of dating the one above my head was all over the place.

      I will love again, and I want to meet somebody soon. I think I just need to listen to my instincts more.

      And thank you for dancing on my buttons! Hehe! What a lovely way of saying it! :D

    • Sa`ge profile image

      Sa`ge 7 years ago from Barefoot Island

      Rather then lacking trust in yourself or others learn from what happened. Fall in love again but do not do the same things you did that time. Learn, remember what you did that you should not have done. I would not move in with anyone unless we were together in a relationship for over a year. Even then, If they could not pay rent on their own, then forget it. Unless you were totally sure that they could pay and will pay half of everything and buy their own food, no ways. like I daid love again but do no make the same mistakes.

      we learn and we live better the next time around. :D Go for it girl. Love is great. just watch and learn then love@ and LIVE. aloha :D I voted and danced on them buttons of yours. good write there!

    • Georgie98 profile image

      Georgie98 7 years ago from UK

      It's only wonderful if they are both enjoying it. I haven't dated anyone since we split 2 years ago. I have lack of trust in men, and myself.

    • Apostle Jack profile image

      Apostle Jack 7 years ago from Atlanta Ga

      What wonderful thing when 2 people mate together.I hope for the best.

    • ROMANCER OF LIFE profile image

      ROMANCER OF LIFE 7 years ago from Honolulu, Hawaii

      That's okay sweet heart, we all make crazy jumps for love. Live with no regrets! We learn from experiences that don't kill us. Now take this and learn from it. I'm just happy that things turned out the way they did for your sake. He didn't deserve you! I'm proud of you for being really strong and pulling through the hurt. Don't worry, God will bless you with someone who's more deserving of you. He was a skum bag anyways, but the next guy you meet will love you and all of you.

      Romancer =-)

    • Georgie98 profile image

      Georgie98 7 years ago from UK

      Yeah, was a horrible 10 months when I look back now. At the time, everything was blissfully happy.

      I realise now he only moved in with me to pay some of the bills. On his wages he couldn't afford a place to rent on his own. But I just thought it was down to love. I was a fool.

    • ROMANCER OF LIFE profile image

      ROMANCER OF LIFE 7 years ago from Honolulu, Hawaii

      Wow... you took a lot of shit from this guy. I'm happy that it's over for you and your moving forward with your life. I wish you the best of luck!