Love-Light Within Part 3
The Hearing Part I
I received notice that the State of Oregon Employment Department will grant me an administrative hearing on February 10, 2009. It is curious to me why this hearing will take place over the phone. This will deprive me and the administrative law judge the opportunity of observing non-verbal reactions, which make up a great part of the communication process.
However, I am grateful that the Employment Department acted in an expeditious manner to schedule this hearing. I was concerned that I would have to wait two more months before I had an opportunity to address a just settlement regarding the denial of my unemployment benefits.
On the other hand, I am scared to death. I will be defending myself as we can not afford an attorney. I will have the right to present evidence, to call witnesses, and to cross examine all testimony. Presently, I have no clue as to how I will accomplish these daunting tasks.
I am so anxious and frightened that I had another restless and almost sleepless night. My mind was endlessly obsessing over all the details of the case and over all the questions I need to anticipate at the hearing. In addition, I feel intense anger over the heartfelt injustice of my termination, which actually boarders on righteous rage.
Moreover, a sense of shame attempts to consume me from being accused of engaging in “wantonly, negligent misconduct.” It takes my breath away and interferes with my ability to think straight and plan a course of action to win my case.
So today, my first step is to gain some measure of composure by using the skills necessary to face, release, and replace negative and debilitating emotions with a healing and recovery process.
I’ve written before about the importance of controlling one’s breathing and using affirmations to repudiate destructive feelings, thoughts, and habits. I’ve also mentioned the power of prayer, meditation, and the Emotional Freedom Technique of tapping pressure points in the body. Consequently, I will utilize this arsenal of emotional combat skills to restore the balance between mind, body, and spirit.
I also recalled the comfort and warmth of the sun on my face. In this regard, my wife and I drove out recently to the coast in Crescent City, California, which is about an hour drive from out new rental home in Cave Junction, Oregon. We arrived at the beach at about three in the afternoon.
The sun was massive and low over the ocean horizon, beaming out a temperature of about 57 degrees. Beneath a crystal clear sky, ocean waves rolled in hypnotically; gentle white caps comingled with jade colored waters and melodic surf sounds that endlessly caressed the grayish-black sandy beach.
To our left, several upright suffer folks used long paddles to propel their boards smoothly over the small undulating waves. Then they would simply glide back in towards the beach like some form of new water dancing.
Straight ahead, recreational boats were faintly visible on the infinite ocean horizon. To our right, the sun’s rays illuminated a golden blanket over the sea that sparkled like twinkling Christmas tree lights. And on the beach, directly in front of the light show, rode a young girl of about twelve on a magnificent roan horse. She rode confidently with the reins held in one hand, elegantly guiding the awesome stead through a series of circling, prancing, and galloping gyrations.
I share these remarkable and healing images with you, to remind us all of the importance of drawing strength from visions and memories that ease the pain of personal, emotional storms. These experiences helped me to release some of my suffering.
To fight the fear, anger, anxiety, and shame, I affirmed over and over: “I refuse to poison myself with negative feelings, thoughts, and behavior.” I also tapped gently under my left arm by my rib-cage. And I further stated, “Even though I am still having stress, I totally love myself. And I release all of this to your Love-Light, Dear God.” Most importantly, I took deep breaths and slowly released the air by counting to six.
As my heart and spirit responded peacefully to this process of going into the Light within, my thoughts were free to take positive action to help me prepare my case.