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MY LETTERS TO GOD
I LOVE SO MUCH MY GOD
Dear God, today I want to give thanks, but not with the insignificance of all, but from the depths of my soul.
With a single word, I could never give enough value to everything you do for me, so I decided to write you a letter every day from now and until my heart stops beating, as proof of my love, my repentance, my gratitude, loyalty and total devotion to you.
I never did it before, and you may be surprised that I do it just now after forty-odd years, but I think it's never too late to start.
Until yesterday, I had delivered almost all my feelings and thoughts of a human being, someone who did not love me, he will never love me, but I was blind in that relationship, even that it meant, somehow, that I forget you.
So that I need that you know through my letters, how sorry I am, how wrong I was, how I love you and how much I need you. And I want to make it public so that everyone know too, because it would not have the same meaning if you stay just between you and me.
FOR YOU MY GOD
LETTER ONE TO MY GOD
Hello my God, my lord, my heaven, my love. As I promised this is the first letter I write you. From this moment I begin to comply everything I tell you, because there were many occasions when I really look bad and I regret that because I know now my word is worthless.
First of all I want through these words, kneeling apologize for having forgotten you, sorry to have lived the wrong way all these years, sorry for not knowing how to understand your purpose and forgiveness for not heeding all your warnings.
I long to tell you so many things, let fly from my mouth all fraces coming from my mind, to express you all my feelings, but I do not do it because sometimes I think anything that I declare It may sound like a lie.
Lord God, I wish I could say I'm a mature person who knows how to live, but unfortunately I am into a time in my life when things are hard and to difficult to assimilate and I have not had the courage that I need for to out of this.
I often wonder how to live in the same way that normal people live, how to achieve lower the intensity of the expression of my emotions and everything I do or say, and live in peace and never have problems with anyone.
Sometimes I feel misunderstood but most of the time I feel I do not belong to the world of humans.
I'll say goodbye for now dear God, because I must return to my mortal life, but I promise I'll write again tomorrow.
I going to try to sleep, but first, I had to tell you that I love you, I need you, I adore you and that please never stop loving me as you have done so far despite that I not deserve it.
I LOVE YOU, MY GOD
LETTER TWO TO MY GOD
Good morning my God, my Lord, my love, I am here again as yesterday, writing to you, this second letter.
Before I starting I want to say you with whole my heartedly thank you for the light of a new day, thank you for health, for life, for all allowing me to enjoy to my and my family.
And again I want apologize for all the bad things I have done until today. I have been so wrong in all my life my Lord God, you'd be right if you do not want to forgive.
But deep inside me I have the absolute conviction that if you forgive me because you are my father and love me despite my mistakes.
I need you to know that I still feel very weak but I'm holding on to you to get out of this abyss into which I am.
You're the only person I trust, the only one I can talk and in fact the only one with whom I have spoken over the past three years.
As you know, I have not, real friends, I share my roof with a life partner who thinks only of himself.
I can not talk to my family, it would not just, let they know my hurt, and now life of each is too difficult how I to make his life more difficult; Also, would be worthless, they just fill me reproach and they would say me, I warned you.
Or talk to my kids? , I would never hurt my children, I just want them to keep their mind and heart calm, and never telling them so many horrible things that their mother has been through for her bad decisions.
Last night, when literally I begged you, to open my heart and pluck off of him once and for all that great and misguided love he felt for my husband and you made it, in the same way as you've done everything I have begged you to help ease my troubles. it was the first time that I asked you convinced that it was best for both.
You Know that now if I'll let you help me, now if I'm going to let you to take my hands and take me out of this situation. Maybe it's late, but finally, I understood.
I beg you to forgive me for being so stubborn, for I not open my eyes and ears to the truth despite having it in front of me every day, every hour, every minute, every moment.
And I beg you to give me the strength to not lie, not to look back and to continue with my life for the right track.
I am sick, single, jobless, penniless, subjected to the worst humiliations, all the doors are closed to me now, but I want you to know I am not afraid to start over because you I have to you, my Lord God and is all I need to restart.
I love you more than my life, I just ask you never to leave me, because you know that without you not worth living.
I love my dear father, until tomorrow.
I LOVE YOU MY DEAR FATHER
THREE LETTER TO MY GOD
Good morning dear beautiful God, I am here again to write you, the third letter with the intention continue to fulfill my word. I hope to make the necessary merits so you start believing in me.
From now my letters will be different, I would love you to help me remember my life, to return to the past and understand this so sad present that I'm living in.
The first and only memory of my childhood is when I was about three years, I can not understand how I remember it, if I have forgotten the recent past.
I was standing on a small flat stone that my mother put in the front yard of the main entrance of our big house.
That stone was the floor of what looked like an altar, that my mother lovingly had built with lots of tiny pebbles, polished by herself during more than a week, in her free time between lunch and dinner while my older brothers They were at school and the three smaller we slept nap.
Each year for our birthday, my mother carried us, proud in her arms, well groomed and hairstyles to put us up in his castle and take a picture for posterity.
Although I never liked the pictures and I had such bad habit to make tremendous tantrums for do not allow that you to take it, that day I loved the idea because I was the center of attention for a moment and felt bigger than all my brothers.
The next thing I remember is when I was studying in high school. I do not know because the time between my three and my 15 years faded from my memory.
I always thought I lived things I refuse to recall because I have not worked at all to bring them to the present.
And just talking about this, morning continued with my journey into the past, because today I want to tell you finally I make the decision to leave, yes, you heard right, I'll leave my sentimental companion. Obviously if that is your holy will.
I going to do this because, as I said, in my earlier letters, this time, I will let myself go of your hand.
I think it is best for both, he to rest of my intensity, my jealousy, my cries and I feel that I'm worthless.
I say goodbye for now my God, my love, my life.
Tomorrow I will write again. Thanks for listening to me, my dear father.
I ADORE MY FATHER, PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ME.
LETTER FOUR TO MY GOD
Good afternoon my beautiful dear God, here I am again trying to make everything that I offer you.
First of all, if you so wish, I would really like to continue remembering, doing so is a way to escape for a while my bad present.
As I was saying you yesterday, the next thing that I remember is the day I turned fifteen, it was five months before I finish My high school.
I remember the night before, I was so excited! I expected a beautiful and huge surprise.
Nobody had talked about my birthday, but I figured it was just because they wanted to give me a big party, similar but not the same as my older sister. Although at that time they did many preparations two months before the date. So I thought that my fifteen years would be the most special, because they were all very quietly.
I got up very early, my excitement was so great that I dont slept practically nothing. It was four in the morning, I was awakened from three, but I could not get up because everyone was asleep. So I waited patiently until you hear the sound of water when my mother filled the basin of coffee and put to boil on the stove blue grill that my grandmother gave her when she married my father.
I jumped out of bed, I quickly went downstairs without even washing my face, I sat in the place that since I was a child, I corresponded on the dining table. My chair was the oldest of all, in fact, was not part of the game the new table kitchen, but I never let them change it because it was too comfortable for me. That sounds very strange now my dear God, because since I can remember I never adhere to anything material.
My mother greeted me with a warm kiss on the cheek as usual and I drink my cup of coffee with milk. We sat to gossiping unimportant things. My mother do not mentioned my birthday, but I was expecting a greeting before the party.
I well remember the first thing that my mama did when my brothers and sisters fulfilled years , She sat on his bed a few minutes before they were awake to when they opened their eyes, the first thing they saw was his cake with candles on many colors and they received from her lots of smiles, hugs and kisses.
Anyway, I thought to myself, it's not a birthday any, are my fifteen years and I was very happy. Then I rush to bathe and put on my uniform because it was time to go to school. I wanted the hours will fly. All that morning I was daydreaming. I figured that when I got home after school, Heka my older sister I would be waiting for me behind the door to scold me because it was too late. I force me to lunch in a hurry and take me to the room to give me my new dress and comb my hair in a different way to honor the occasion. She was in charge of the entire protocol at parties at home.
I also imagined that the dress would be of color blue sky, because it's my favorite color, it would be adorned with silver beads, it would be short and close to the body, that my shoes would be white with some shine also like a very beautiful that we had seen together at the mall last month, when we went to the doctor for her annual review and I was took several days begging she give me it.
Such was my deconcentration in classes that I earn a chemistry professor punishment and I stayed relentlessly doing the exercises that I could not complete in classes. The good thing was that Farnacas the brightest student in my classroom stayed to help me finish them.
Well my dear God, I say goodbye for today, I have to go back to my normal life. I love you, I need you and I thank you for keeping my heart beating.
I see you tomorrow my father.
MY GOD I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH
MY LETTER FIVE TO MY GOD
Good evening my dear God, my beloved Father, Jesus mine, my love, today I'm back here, writing for you, the letter number five.
But first let me give you thanks for all the favors received, thanks for giving us health and life to us all your children.
After this short greeting, I going to tell you what happened next. But before we continue reminding, I want to ask a favor, I hope that you never get tired of I bother you much with my things, for I know it is much what I ask daily, among other things, to take care of my children, my mother, my brothers and sisters, the ones who have been part of my life, my boyfriend, my cat and all the people who I love.
Maybe I have requested you this before, I do not remember actually, but I promise you this time, that I need it really. Here I go, I'd obviously if that is your holy will, that to pluck off me, all my defects that accumulate throughout my life, that make me a bad person and does not allow me to be happy, and to make happiness of beings that I love.
For the first time in my life I think I understand what is my real problem and because I have not been able to be happy even though that you have been extraordinarily kind to me.
I always thought being right in everything, not just in the way raised my children, but also in my relationships with the another people.
You sent my children to say me many times, when they constantly reproached the way to educate them and did very hard.
And with almost all members of my family too, when I did see that they disagreed with what I was, either with words or deeds. With my former romantic partners, because I always fight with them for any nonsense and I never could get a real home, despite all my efforts.
And it is only now, after all these years, that I realize that maybe I was the only always was wrong. It is sad to admit and understand that I am only guilty of all my failures.
That's why I beg you, please my dear father, tear out the my entrails all those imperfections, for I begin to really live and carry out fully the mission for which you brought me into this world.
Please forgive me for bothering you so much, for being so blind and so deaf, and I had not been heard before your words.
I love you my Lord God, I say goodbye for today.