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Mad Limericks for the Sports Enthusiast

Updated on January 17, 2016
Jodah profile image

John values the use of humour and enjoys writing and reading limericks and jokes. He is a fan of Monty Python, Mr Bean, Black Books etc.

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This is my third collection of limericks. I have always been interested in most sport, either playing or watching, and these limericks were inspired by that love. I hope they bring a smile, even to those readers who are not normally sports fans. You should still be able to enjoy the funny side.

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Baseball Shortfall

There was a short fellow named Ditcher

Who became a most feared baseball pitcher.

Because of his height,

He filled batsmen with fright.

You never knew where he might hit ya'.

 Ian Thorpe finished in Athens with two gold medals, one silver and one bronze
Ian Thorpe finished in Athens with two gold medals, one silver and one bronze | Source
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Suave Swimmer

A swimmer they called 'The Thorpedo'

Was faster than any torpedo.

Though when he retired

His speedos expired,

And now he just wears a tuxedo.

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Ace of Base

A pretty horse trainer named Grace

Had a horse that she called 'Ace of Base'.

The mare wasn't fast,

It always came last.

So Grace's Ace of Base never placed.

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Hard Yards

A sprightly young fellow named Clint

Ran in the 100 yard sprint.

He won by a yard,

Which was really quite hard,

For he had his left leg in a splint.

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Dennis the Menace

A typical Aussie named Dennis

Just loved to play table tennis.

Though he played the game wrong,

For he couldn't ping pong.

So really, he was just a menace.

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Outdoorsman

A very outdoorsy young gent

Was scolded to quite an extent.

For he never shut doors

Behind him, because,

He must have been born in a tent.

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Vault Assault

A female athlete called Gault

Was the best in the world at pole vault.

She ran up so fast,

The pole snapped at the last.

She accused it of sexual assault.

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What Ball?

A burly young guy named McCall

Whose favourite sport was football.

He ran very fast,

All defenders he passed.

Then found he'd forgotten the ball.

Michael Phelps wins gold.
Michael Phelps wins gold. | Source
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Swimming Lessons

An Olympic Gold winner named Phelps,

To train younger swimmers, he helps.

Though he felt like a fool

When one swam 'cross the pool,

Dog paddling in between yelps.

Kobe vs Howard, Lakers vs Magic
Kobe vs Howard, Lakers vs Magic | Source
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Drunk Dunker

A basketball player named Bryant,

To shun publicity he was defiant.

When he got rolling drunk,

And missed every slam dunk,

Paparazzi became Bryant reliant.

Copyright

*All limericks appearing in this hub are the property of John Hansen © 2014

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    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 12 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Becca, good to hear these brought on some giggles, and Vault Assault..well..yes, it was a bit cheeky..but fun.

    • BeccaHubbardWoods profile image

      Mizzery Chick 12 months ago from Outside your window...

      Several of these made me giggle, but Vault Assault made me laugh very loudly. This was an absolute pleasure to read! So cheeky!

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 18 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Haha Alun, I'll pay that one (though which sport are we talking about the green and gold being trounced in?) :)

      Yeah, I can't imagine why women's track and field is more popular either (wink).

      Thank you for reading and for the great comment.

    • Greensleeves Hubs profile image

      Greensleeves Hubs 18 months ago from Essex, UK

      T'was an Aussie who wrote this and chose

      never to mention your most ancient of foes,

      those 'poms' who both recent and old

      trounced those in the green and the gold.

      Just too jealous of us Brits, I suppose?? :)

      Sorry John - that's the best I could do, without devoting a whole day to it! Seriously, limericks are good fun, and not as easy as one imagines to write, so well done. But I must say I also just love that question in the picture: 'Why is women's track and field more popular (with men) than women's weight lifting?' Just can't imagine :) Alun

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 19 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Swalia, glad you found these limericks funny. I appreciate you reading this hub.

    • swalia profile image

      Shaloo Walia 19 months ago

      Quite funny! Enjoyed reading them.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey Lady Fiddler, thanks for reading. Great that you love the "outdoorsman". Different people seem to have different favourites which is good. Bless you.

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 2 years ago from On planet Earth

      Hey Jodah i like this one

      Outdoorsman

      A very outdoorsy young gent

      Was scolded to quite an extent.

      For he never shut doors

      Behind him, because,

      He must have been born in a ten

      he he he

      ~~ I hope you have a bless day~~

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading Vellur, glad you enjoyed.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 2 years ago from Dubai

      Great limericks enjoyed reading!!

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi chef, thanks for reading and for your valued comment. I appreciate your advice re the 8&5 syllable tradition too. Glad they gave you a laugh.

    • chef-de-jour profile image

      Andrew Spacey 2 years ago from Near Huddersfield, West Yorkshire,UK

      Jodah, a great sporty package of Learmericks! Like the speedos expiring - nice flow to that one- and the controversial pole vault scenario is interesting! The baseball rhymes are clever and I think my numero uno would be the sprinter.

      I think we cleared up the technicalities re syllables and what not didn't we? I'm happy with a limerick that doesn't necessarily fit the 8 & 5 syllable tradition but scans well and gives me a laugh. Well done.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you DealForLiving, glad you enjoyed these and hopefully got a laugh.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Audrey, it was encouraging comments and inspiration from other fine poets like you that helped greatly.

    • DealForALiving profile image

      Sam Deal 2 years ago from Earth

      These are terrific limericks!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      Just wanted to say congrats John!!! Well-deserved!

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading Perspycacious and your kind comment.

      Grace's new horse, Toughen Up

      Is going to run in the cup.

      He hasn't won yet

      But is a good bet,

      'Cause she feeds him quick cooking oats.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 3 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      So Grace never placed Ace of Base.

      Clever and well deserving of all the praises

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading Thandi, glad these limericks gave you a laugh, especially McCall.

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 3 years ago from Lagos

      hahahahahahhahah. and MCcall - the footballer - ran past all the defenders and forgot the ball. hehehe. He also should have ran past the goal post, lol.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Haha Ann, thanks for reading. I am sure the Aussie accent would have made them all the more funny.

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      Ann Carr 3 years ago from SW England

      Great limericks, John! I was hearing them all in an Aussie accent!

      Funny and brilliantly formed!

      Ann

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Genna, gla you enjoy my limericks. I'm sure I will be writing more. I don't know what's going on with ads here. I am not getting a pop-up one that floats across the screen. As far as I can work out everyone gets to see different ads depending on their browsing history, but I may be wrong.

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      Genna East 3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Hi John. These are great! I am a devout fan of your limericks. By the way, am I seeing things with the ad that pops up on the screen and floats across it? I thought HP stopped this practice. Just curious.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      What a beautiful poem from a wonderful friend. Thank you so much dear Kim. This means a lot, and I will cherish it always. :)

      thank you for voting up and sharing as always. Love from down Undah.

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      A poet he called himself Jodah

      Was a writer so awesome

      That with each line

      he lit up the page.

      Celebrating his hubs,

      I wrote this little verse

      for there is no othuh

      like Jodah from down undah

      *I hope my smile is lighting up your day

      as your limericks always make me smile

      and I wouldn't have it any other way.

      Per the stars in the sky, Voted up, up, up and Share will I

      : ) Kim

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading Pico. Always good to accumulate new fans.

    • Pico Triano profile image

      John 3 years ago from New Brunswick, Canada

      Great limericks. I'm a fan.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for your kind words teaches. Glad you found these limericks humorous.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 3 years ago

      You have a natural style and quick wit for writing limericks. I had a good read and smile here today.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Haha, thanks Nadine. I hope Robin enjoyed them too. I appreciate the vote up.

      Thanks for reading Kennedi. I had to include that cooking show cartoon, thought it very apt.

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      Kennedi Brown 3 years ago from Richlands, Virginia

      I'd be lying if I said I didn't watch cooking shows like that sometimes. Especially Sandra Lee.

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      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      What an entertaining read! Thanks for those limericks, I read them out loud to Robin in our office. You have my voted Up!

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you so much for reading this hub Carrie. Glad these limericks made you laugh.

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Kept private 3 years ago from Northeast United States

      Cute; :) made me laugh:). I love limericks ). Thanks for sharing

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Morning Ghaelach, thanks for the compliments. I'm really enjoying writing limericks now and glad it's a form of poetry you like to. Please feel free to share this hub anywhere you wish.

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      Ghaelach 3 years ago

      Morning John.

      You know my thoughts on poetry, but when I see a Limerick I just have to have a read it. Think I got addicted to Limericks from following MHatter99. Over the years Martins has come up with some brilliant Limericks.

      What you've come up with here are super and certainly brought a smile to my face on this wet Sunday morning.

      Voted up and if you don't mind I'll be sharing with my friends out there in cyber space.

      Ghaelach

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Yes, I remember that one too ... knick, knack ... give a dog a bone LOL There are so many from childhood that come flooding back into my memory as our sweet mother always recited them to us. It is funny how they will stick in our brains forever, and I do think it has a lot to do with the rhyme and rhythm.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Yes Faith, I think that was an old lady who lived i a shoe. Maybe you were thinking of, "This old man, he played one. He played knick knack...etc." :)

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Or, maybe it was the old woman who lived in a shoe and had so many children, she did not know what to do : )

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      haha that is a great one! Yes, I see. That one reminds me of that poem or maybe it was a limerick from when I was a child about the old man who lived in a shoe.

      Thanks for sharing : )

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Here is a limerick from the father of limericks himself, Edward Lear.

      "There was an Old Man who supposed,

      That the street door was partially closed;

      But some very large rats,

      Ate his coat and his hats,

      While the futile old gentleman dozed." Notice the 4th line has 6 syllables....lol.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      I agree too, dear John. As long as they are creative and bring joy and laughter ... that is all that matters. Keep writing your style and never change!

      I know there are so many rules in writing that I will never comprehend, such as all of the different forms of poetry, and to me, too, as long as they are written from the heart, that makes for the best poetry in my mind.

      Blessings always

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Ok Faith, thanks for that explanation. You are probably correct, in fact most original limericks such as those from Edward Lear usually repeated the first line again as the last as well. To me, as long as lines 1,2 and 5 rhyme, and 3 and 4, and has the right flow, it is a limerick. These may not meet the rules strictly, but most poetry has moved away from hard and fast rules and in most cases I don't think that is a bad thing. Even with Haiku, I read that the amount of syllables used differ in English compared to the Japanese. But hey, I have never been a stickler for rules, and like to push the boundaries...that's how things are improved and developed. If it looks like a chicken, it's a chicken. If it sounds like a limerick, it's a limerick.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      I think what Mhatter may be referring to ... is that, technically, limericks have five lines with the two first lines having 8 syllables, then the next two lines having five syllables, and the last line 8 syllables. I learned this when researching a limerick and writing one on the pattern etc. Having said that, however, no matter what we call them, as long as they bring laughter and are creative, is all that matters. Your short poems certainly are creative and bring much laughter, which is a good thing. I had to learn about Haiku poetry too as I got it wrong the first time I tried it and thankful another hubber pointed it out to me so I could correct it. Then again, there may be different patterns and styles of limericks of which I am not aware.

      Keep up your creative writing and poetry ... your are a gifted writer!

      Blessings

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey Cris, glad you found these limericks fun to read. Thanks for the vote up and share.

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      CrisSp 3 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      I really enjoyed this one! My favorite is the "Drunk Dunker"! :)

      Awesome! Up and sharing.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Flourish. You have a great weekend too.

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      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      These re fun to read, John. Thanks for the laughs. Have a great weekend!

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Great to see a comment from you Martin. You are the king if the limerick, you tell me. Are these good? Thanks for reading.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for reading and your kind comments:

      Alicia

      Audrey

      Peg

      Jamie

      I much appreciate your encouragement.

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 3 years ago from San Francisco

      It's me. are these good?

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      Jamie Lee Hamann 3 years ago from Reno NV

      Well done! Congratulations on some well rhymed limericks, each one holds it's own merit. Love them, keep them coming. Jamie

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      Peg Cole 3 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      Enjoyable and fun. What a great talent you have to go with your wit.

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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      What a fun read this morning John!!

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      Linda Crampton 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      These limericks are very funny, Jodah! I loved them!

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Gypsy, glad these gave you a laugh. Also appreciate your sharing and vote up.

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      Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up. These are great. I'm still chuckling about the cooking show. They are all hilarious. Passing this on.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey Devika, thank you for reading these limericks. I am glad I am always surprising you. I am always trying to keep my writing versatile and trying new things so neither I or my readers are bored. If I can make you smile or laugh, all the better.

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      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      You have such a way of writing that I don't know what to expect from you. Great and hilarious!

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you travmaj. I am glad people find my limericks funny. If I didn't't get such encouraging feedback I would have stopped writing them after my first limerick hub. Glad you enjoyed these.

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      travmaj 3 years ago from australia

      Good fun John loved them all. Packed with humour and so diverse, the pics really compliment the limericks and add even more fun. Thanks for the laughter.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Faith, glad you enjoyed these limericks. Have a great weekend too.

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      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Loved your limericks ... so funny! What a great way to end a long week ... with laughter and creative limericks.

      Up and more and away

      Blessings for a great weekend

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      There is always a demand for more limericks Audrey. I always thought about trying my hand at limericks but thought it would be difficult to make them funny. Keep trying, I'm sure you'll succeed. Blessings back.

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      Audrey Selig 3 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

      Hi Jodah - What great limericks, and I know this is fairly new for you. I love sports, so they really made me laugh

      I tried a few limericks and got everything going pretty well. They weren't very funny, except to one person. I'll probably try again, but you have to think pretty fast. I guess I will leave it to you to be the pro. Sharing. Blessings, Audrey

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for your kind comment and vote up fpherj48. Glad you had fun reading these.

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      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Jodah......So much fun! You are so clever, Jodah. I love these! UP++

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for the kind comment word55, my pleasure to provide some laughs.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for the generous comment Suzanne. Glad I inspired you.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks MsDora, glad you enjoy my limericks.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Ruby. Love your witty poem, it is so true.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you so much Suzette.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Frank, glad you enjoyed these limericks.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading Kevin, even if you don't like sport at least you like limericks.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Shauna, glad to give you a smile at the end of the week.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Glad you enjoyed these Rachael. Thanks for reading.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Eric, have a great weekend.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Randy there has to be a type of poetry that appeals to everyone. If limericks does it for you, that's great. Glad these made you laugh.

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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Bill, glad you enjoyed. You have a good one too.

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      Word 3 years ago from Chicago

      Also that was some clever, poetic writing. I loved it!

      Oh btw, Glad to see that Lebron James went back home to win some championships.

    • word55 profile image

      Word 3 years ago from Chicago

      LOL, I needed the laughs Jodah, Very humorous, Very creative, Thanks good buddy!

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      Suzanne Day 3 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      Hi Jodah, I really enjoyed the presentation of this, and it's given me some inspiration! Funny limericks, funny memes, what more could a poetry hub need? Posted on WTH Google + and voted funny!

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      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Absolutely amazing and amusing. You're really good at this, Jodah.

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      Ruby Jean Fuller 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Your limericks are funny and witty

      Some sports heroes suck, what a pity

      They get paid BIG bucks

      I bet they never shop at Hucks

      Some are offered a million

      Still they ask for a trillion

      I feel like giving them a slap

      I guess that's it, it's a wrap.

      Hee.

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      Suzette Walker 3 years ago from Taos, NM

      Great job on the limericks. You had me LOL!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      Jodah this was off the wall good love the first caption the best

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      The Examiner-1 3 years ago

      Those were great John and I am not even a sports fan but I still laughed.

      :-)

      Kevin

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      Shauna L Bowling 3 years ago from Central Florida

      John, these are amazing. They read so smoothly. Thanx for a fun end to the week!

    • RachaelOhalloran profile image

      Rachael O'Halloran 3 years ago from United States

      What a fun trip through the Wide World of Sports! These were just great in every way, Jodah.

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      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Great Cheery fun friend, thank you

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      Randy Godwin 3 years ago from Southern Georgia

      I don't care for poetry very much, John. However, a good--or bad, depending how you look at things--limerick is worth it's weight in....laughter. :)

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      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Those were great, John! Love them all. Have a wonderful weekend my friend.