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Making American Literature Great Again. Part 1 - Ward No. 6

Updated on June 28, 2017
kallini2010 profile image

Kallini is an amazingly intelligent woman who is easily understood. She is wise, and funny. An entertainer - philosopher at heart.

Source

About the Author

The Author is conveniently secured in the ICU of one of the Greatest Russian Psychiatric Facilities known as "Ward No.6" created by Anton Chekhov.

The Action takes place

in author's mind only

Intake

Doctor: Why is she here?

Intake Specialist: Voluntarily.

Doctor: Symptoms? Diagnosis?

Intake Specialist: She claims that she obsessively writes in her head.

Doctor: If we are going to take in all people who obsessively write...

Intake Specialist: Yes, but the word is that she is good...

Doctor: Good to go, if you ask me.

Intake Specialist

(to himself): I was not asking.

(to the Doctor): If she is good... we lock her in and let her write. Then we can publish and have the money to fund our ...

Doctor: Well, put her on trial then.

Intake Specialist: For how long?

Doctor: Let's play it by the ear. By the way, were there any great writers locked up for good?

Intake Specialist: For good writing? There was one. He called himself Master.

Doctor: Of course, he did. Was he any good?

Intake Specialist: One of the greatest writers of the 20th century. We don't want someone of his caliber slip away, do we?

Doctor: Well, then. I need your reports and her writings daily on my desk no later than 21:00. Is that clear?

Intake Specialist: Yes, sir! (salutes)

Day 1

Notes from the Underground ICU

Characters

1. Trump - Mr. Predisent

2. Aide-de-camp - aka the Right Hand of Mr. Predisent (partially responsible, but mostly irresponsible chap), known by aliases ADC or RHMP.

Brain Storm

Location: undisclosed. Trump's Tower

Aide-de-camp: Sir, Sir... Mr. Predisent!

Trump: What?

Aide-de-camp: We are concerned about speeding up making America...

Trump: What?

Aide-de-camp: People are concerned about...

Trump: What? I already done away with the health problem. Boom! I solved it.

Aide-de-camp: Yes, Mr. Predisent, you did. Now we have to take care of minds. People are concerned about education.

Trump: Who is Education?

Aide-de-camp: Education is our trump card to shut up Liberals.

Trump: How?

Aide-de-camp: Well, you know Liberals - a bunch of overeducated snobs bragging about something vague like culture or other non-sense.

Trump: So?

Aide-de-camp: Liberals and Education are best buddies. Feed them a long, long book, let them read, spell-check, fact-check, discuss and ultimately disagree on all points.

Trump (waking up): They can read my tweets.

(tweeting - Liberals are a bunch of overeducated sniffeeforo...)

Aide-de-camp: Mr. Predisent, wait, don't send...

Trump: Oops! Too late! Let me...

Aide-de-camp: I was saying...

Trump: What?

Great Storm

Countries and Empires Versus Heroes

ADC: I was saying... To make America great...

Trump: Name me ten toppest and greatest countries in the world.

ADC: China...

Trump: Wrong!

ADC: Russia...

Trump: Wrong!

ADC: France...

Trump: Wrong!

ADC (thinking slowly): Mr. Predisent, greater than countries were Empires. Which one do you want?

Trump: Get me The Greatest and I'll make American Empire greater than that.

ADC: How about Roman Empire?

Trump: What are they famous for?

ADC: Cruelty and crucifixion of Christ. That and falling apart.

Trump: I know. How about ... How? What makes an Empire great in the eyes...?

ADC: Mmm, it depends on the eyes. Let's ask Liberals. If they are so smart, let them tell us. Please tweet the following:

Trump (tweeting): We are going to make America greater than the Greatest and Bestest Empire ever ... the Roman Expire.

Trump: Now what?

ADC: Now we wait.

Trump: I wait for nobody. So...

ADC: We wait for fake news. If they agree, great, we hit the jackpot, if they disagree, they will tell us what they think they "know" about the Greatest Empires of the world.

Trump: Now what?

ADC: Now we wait.

Trump: Boooring! Let's tweet.

ADC: I think I know a better solution.

Trump: There are no better solutions than tweeing.

ADC: Ok, the next best thing is we have elections.

Trump: What?

ADC: Let people decide what Empire was the greatest.

Trump: How?

ADC: We'll make the best and greatest election - we will make a poll.

Trump: A pool?

Trump (tweeting): We are making a totally cool pool of people...

ADC: How many options do you want to give people?

Trump: One.

ADC: That One Liberals won't like. Let's make... mmm....

Trump: The longest list you...

ADC: Mr. Predisent, pick a number.

Trump: Seven.

ADC: Right.

What was the Greatest Empire of all times?

See results
Source
Source

Now What?

Trump: Have what's-their-name decided yet?

ADC: Liberals? They disagreed. They blabbered something about cultures, sources, historical inaccuracies and controversies. The frameworks, the perspectives...

Trump: And?

ADC: Well, forget about countries and empires. People remember heroes. Lets make you great again. Leave a legacy. Write a book.

Trump (tweeting): I am going to make myself great...

[sent mid-sentence]

Trump: Wait, a book like my tweets?

ADC: No, a book book. A long book. The greatest book ever...

Trump: You are not suggesting I write it personally?

ADC: Of course, not.

Trump: Good. Very good. Make it epic fiction. The epickest fiction was ever written.

ADC: How about "War and Peace"?

Trump: Confusing. Was it about war or was it about peace?

ADC: Hard to say, the author himself said it was not a novel.

Trump: Who is the author?

ADC: Leo Tolstoy.

Trump: Russian?

ADC: Supposedly.

Trump: I have nothing to do with...

ADC: ...Russia. Yes, sir!

Trump: Get me the firstest and the greatest epic ever.

ADC: It'll be Homer.

Trump: What did he write?

ADC: His first epic was about a beautiful woman...

Trump: Good. A Eastern European?

ADC: You can say that. A beautiful unfaithful woman who was the cause of a ten-year long war...

Trump: Did they build any walls?

ADC: They built horses, but destroyed walls.

Trump: I don't see myself on a horse. I have poor balance. Horses have a trust issue with me. No, no horses. Next?

ADC: The second greatest epic (somewhat a sequel) - a story of a hero traveling for ten years to come home to his beautiful faithful wife and a son...

Trump: Good. Sounds good. Make it happen. What's the name of that masterpiece? Better be good.

ADC: Sir, "Odyssey", sir.

Trump: Make it "Trumpessy". Who's the wife?

ADC: Penelope, Sir.

Trump: Penelope.... Penelope... Penelope... Penelope Cruz? Penelope Trump?

ADC: Sir, how about "Melanope"?

Trump: Good, sounds good. Who is the son?

ADC: Telemachus, Sir.

Trump: Make him Telemeric. Who's going to write "Trumpessy"?

ADC: A bunch of locked-up writers under the pen name "Trumper".

Trump: Good, Boom. Problem solved. Write. Write me a longest epic there was. An epic that no Liberal can finish in his lifetime. Boom.

Trump (tweeting): Totally cool. I'm totally cool. I'm all locked up to write a trismessy about an eastern woman... traveling with her son on a horse for ten years...




© 2017 kallini2010

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    • kallini2010 profile image
      Author

      kallini2010 4 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Thank you, Jodah. Well, as long as it makes you laugh - this "literature" is doing well. I don't really have that much interest in Trump and I doubt he'll become a lead character. Maybe tucking him behind some golden curtain would be the best idea. If you managed "Iliad" and "Odyssey", "War and Peace" shouldn't be a problem. As far as what Tolstoy should have done... whatever writer wants, writer writes. But I agree completely and wholeheartedly - if the cut one third of it, the book would have been better.

      I keep recommending everyone who is willing to listen (or otherwise) to watch "War and Peace" made by Italians (with the international cast) in 2007.

      Maybe one day you will.

      In feeble defense of Tolstoy, he knew what he was doing. I wish I could say the same about me.

      However, I found one story by Tolstoy you most likely have not heard about (I haven't) and I intend to make it part of Great American Literature. No promises, though.

      Thank you very much for reading!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 4 months ago from Queensland Australia

      This was really well done (says I after reading part two first). I have actually read Homer's Odyssey, and Iliad..and I like Tolstoy..well his short stories. I am not brave enough to tackle War and Peace ( he should have made it two books..Part One..War, and Part Two.. Peace, then more people may have read it). Trump has already proved to be a great subject for satirists to write about. Great job.

    • kallini2010 profile image
      Author

      kallini2010 4 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Hello, Flourish! Thanks for the compliments.

      It's clear as day the man is not all up there - just look at his face. Some dictators looked terrifying, ferocious, intimidating, but I cannot recollect a great leader with a stupid face. People are not psychologists (pity, we need some enlightenment in that area, more than knowledge of literature), but we rely on our guts when we judge. I cannot stand his look - it's what my son calls "cringy". It's not a face one can trust or admire.

      There is another face, currently in everybody's face - Vladimir Putin - he has a repulsive face reeking of controlled depravity. Things are not right.

      As I have mentioned to Martie, this literary "something" happened because I talked to Mike about Mongols. I really had no intention of writing about Russian Literature or any Literature. Trump never read a book and I read too many and look where I am and where he is.

      You see the problem?

      If a whip strikes again (I mean, a whim), I might continue writing. If you want to laugh and it's hilarious - this guy(s) take on Literature

      Odyssey:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnjcoCiIGmg

      Faust (I found it much funnier):

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIY6xO7A7Qw

      I hope you have a good laugh!

      P.S. For your mental health, stay away from books!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 4 months ago from USA

      What a brilliant sense of humor you have! It's only appropriate that the writer be Russian and the subject Trump. I'm not sure the man has ever read a book cover to cover. We know he had ghost writers for those books he penned. There was a recent study that you probably heard of that indicated psychologists suspect he is showing signs of cognitive impairment and that this is evidenced in his rash decisions, suspicion, and language. Too many Americans, however, still see him as the greatest and bestest.

    • kallini2010 profile image
      Author

      kallini2010 4 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Martie, thanks for the comment! I can't remember much of literature I read either, Russian or otherwise. Sometimes I can't even remember whether I read this or that at all.

      As long as you smiled, I haven't wasted my time yesterday. I wrote in on a whim, really. So far, I have no incentive to write the Part No. Next, if I have only two to three readers.

      I assume HP have an issue with it, since it's not yet approved and, if they do, I certainly am not going to put a fight.

      The whole thing happened because I talked to Mike, gave him a dozen suggestions and made a joke. He said "You write it." So, it's totally, like, his fault.

      I made the author insane (the only biographical detail) just to have all justifications and excuses in the world.

      Your smiles are my reward.

      Take care,

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 months ago from South Africa

      I love this! The videos, too, were extremely interesting. The humor between and in the lines kept me smiling. Svetlana, I look forward to read how you are going to make American literature great again.

      I have read some Russian short stories, and biographies of Russian musicians, but can't remember even one of them now. Somebody has to refresh my memory.

      I look forward to Part 2.

    • kallini2010 profile image
      Author

      kallini2010 4 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      True, lists are always different, and if by "doing poorly" you meant "ignore" then you are not alone.

      The problem with Tolstoy in general and "War and Peace" in particular - that's it's too damn long. That's why a few months back I recommended you a film adaptation made by Italians - a spectacular treat. It's the film that made me read the book again (and I did not make through one third).

      Anton Chekhov is everything Tolstoy is not. Outside Russia, Chekhov is mostly known for his gloomy plays (which I never either understood or liked). But Chekhov is a master of short prose, funny, sad, and true.

      This is a short story that reminded me of you (save the ending - I don't think that kind of finale could have happen to you). But again what do I know?

      [you don't have to listen. It's not an imposition, it's a suggestion only].

      "Champagne":

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfGAIEaU1M0

      P.S. Though after this, you would be able to say, "Chekhov? I know Chekhov. I've read some of his work."

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Svetlana - I admit, that I read a lot, but I did not read deep. Tolstoy was not on my list. All those list people produce, the '100 Books You Must Read,' I usually do poorly. And those list are never the same.

      When I was a kid, we were taken to a 'Ward-6.' There was a group of people sitting in a semi-circle and having a discussion. It was a long time before I heard another conversation that was so intense or interesting.

      I wish you well on your journey to Make American Literature Great Again.

    • kallini2010 profile image
      Author

      kallini2010 4 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Boy, that was fast! Thank you, Mike, for your comment. I'm sure books will be written about Trump - what happened, how could it possibly happen, the reasons of its happening...

      But no matter how educated or over-educated writers are, the Trump epic is unlikely to rival Homer.

      I doubt non-Russian readers (provided there are any) will get literary references.

      The gist of "Ward No. 6" - the doctor overseeing the psychiatric asylum (it's just a part of his job) comes to the conclusion that the only normal people are those locked-up for good (back then it was a "life sentence"). He visits and talks to the patients and ends up being locked up himself. He cannot prove (no matter how hard he tries) that there is nothing wrong with him. Once labeled and locked, there is no way back.

      "Master" is a reference to "Master and Margarita" by Mikhail Bulgakov.

      In Russia, these are common references even though most people did not read either. Just like "War and Peace" - few actually read it.

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Svetlana - You certainly have your characters well defined. I can see the humor flowing throughout this epic journey that will be chronicled in Ward No. 6. One good thing about this, is that there is plenty of material to shift through. It is appropriate that the writer is Russian, as so much else about the first few months is Russian and Russian adjacent.

      Yes, it looks like he took care of healthcare. And education is being torn down to be recreated in his image.