Making American Literature Great Again. Part 1 - Ward No. 6
About the Author
The Author is conveniently secured in the ICU of one of the Greatest Russian Psychiatric Facilities known as "Ward No.6" created by Anton Chekhov.
The Action takes place
in author's mind only
Doctor: Why is she here?
Intake Specialist: Voluntarily.
Doctor: Symptoms? Diagnosis?
Intake Specialist: She claims that she obsessively writes in her head.
Doctor: If we are going to take in all people who obsessively write...
Intake Specialist: Yes, but the word is that she is good...
Doctor: Good to go, if you ask me.
(to himself): I was not asking.
(to the Doctor): If she is good... we lock her in and let her write. Then we can publish and have the money to fund our ...
Doctor: Well, put her on trial then.
Intake Specialist: For how long?
Doctor: Let's play it by the ear. By the way, were there any great writers locked up for good?
Intake Specialist: For good writing? There was one. He called himself Master.
Doctor: Of course, he did. Was he any good?
Intake Specialist: One of the greatest writers of the 20th century. We don't want someone of his caliber slip away, do we?
Doctor: Well, then. I need your reports and her writings daily on my desk no later than 21:00. Is that clear?
Intake Specialist: Yes, sir! (salutes)
Notes from the Underground ICU
1. Trump - Mr. Predisent
2. Aide-de-camp - aka the Right Hand of Mr. Predisent (partially responsible, but mostly irresponsible chap), known by aliases ADC or RHMP.
Location: undisclosed. Trump's Tower
Aide-de-camp: Sir, Sir... Mr. Predisent!
Aide-de-camp: We are concerned about speeding up making America...
Aide-de-camp: People are concerned about...
Trump: What? I already done away with the health problem. Boom! I solved it.
Aide-de-camp: Yes, Mr. Predisent, you did. Now we have to take care of minds. People are concerned about education.
Trump: Who is Education?
Aide-de-camp: Education is our trump card to shut up Liberals.
Aide-de-camp: Well, you know Liberals - a bunch of overeducated snobs bragging about something vague like culture or other non-sense.
Aide-de-camp: Liberals and Education are best buddies. Feed them a long, long book, let them read, spell-check, fact-check, discuss and ultimately disagree on all points.
Trump (waking up): They can read my tweets.
(tweeting - Liberals are a bunch of overeducated sniffeeforo...)
Aide-de-camp: Mr. Predisent, wait, don't send...
Trump: Oops! Too late! Let me...
Aide-de-camp: I was saying...
Countries and Empires Versus Heroes
ADC: I was saying... To make America great...
Trump: Name me ten toppest and greatest countries in the world.
ADC (thinking slowly): Mr. Predisent, greater than countries were Empires. Which one do you want?
Trump: Get me The Greatest and I'll make American Empire greater than that.
ADC: How about Roman Empire?
Trump: What are they famous for?
ADC: Cruelty and crucifixion of Christ. That and falling apart.
Trump: I know. How about ... How? What makes an Empire great in the eyes...?
ADC: Mmm, it depends on the eyes. Let's ask Liberals. If they are so smart, let them tell us. Please tweet the following:
Trump (tweeting): We are going to make America greater than the Greatest and Bestest Empire ever ... the Roman Expire.
Trump: Now what?
ADC: Now we wait.
Trump: I wait for nobody. So...
ADC: We wait for fake news. If they agree, great, we hit the jackpot, if they disagree, they will tell us what they think they "know" about the Greatest Empires of the world.
Trump: Now what?
ADC: Now we wait.
Trump: Boooring! Let's tweet.
ADC: I think I know a better solution.
Trump: There are no better solutions than tweeing.
ADC: Ok, the next best thing is we have elections.
ADC: Let people decide what Empire was the greatest.
ADC: We'll make the best and greatest election - we will make a poll.
Trump: A pool?
Trump (tweeting): We are making a totally cool pool of people...
ADC: How many options do you want to give people?
ADC: That One Liberals won't like. Let's make... mmm....
Trump: The longest list you...
ADC: Mr. Predisent, pick a number.
What was the Greatest Empire of all times?
Trump: Have what's-their-name decided yet?
ADC: Liberals? They disagreed. They blabbered something about cultures, sources, historical inaccuracies and controversies. The frameworks, the perspectives...
ADC: Well, forget about countries and empires. People remember heroes. Lets make you great again. Leave a legacy. Write a book.
Trump (tweeting): I am going to make myself great...
Trump: Wait, a book like my tweets?
ADC: No, a book book. A long book. The greatest book ever...
Trump: You are not suggesting I write it personally?
ADC: Of course, not.
Trump: Good. Very good. Make it epic fiction. The epickest fiction was ever written.
ADC: How about "War and Peace"?
Trump: Confusing. Was it about war or was it about peace?
ADC: Hard to say, the author himself said it was not a novel.
Trump: Who is the author?
ADC: Leo Tolstoy.
Trump: I have nothing to do with...
ADC: ...Russia. Yes, sir!
Trump: Get me the firstest and the greatest epic ever.
ADC: It'll be Homer.
Trump: What did he write?
ADC: His first epic was about a beautiful woman...
Trump: Good. A Eastern European?
ADC: You can say that. A beautiful unfaithful woman who was the cause of a ten-year long war...
Trump: Did they build any walls?
ADC: They built horses, but destroyed walls.
Trump: I don't see myself on a horse. I have poor balance. Horses have a trust issue with me. No, no horses. Next?
ADC: The second greatest epic (somewhat a sequel) - a story of a hero traveling for ten years to come home to his beautiful faithful wife and a son...
Trump: Good. Sounds good. Make it happen. What's the name of that masterpiece? Better be good.
ADC: Sir, "Odyssey", sir.
Trump: Make it "Trumpessy". Who's the wife?
ADC: Penelope, Sir.
Trump: Penelope.... Penelope... Penelope... Penelope Cruz? Penelope Trump?
ADC: Sir, how about "Melanope"?
Trump: Good, sounds good. Who is the son?
ADC: Telemachus, Sir.
Trump: Make him Telemeric. Who's going to write "Trumpessy"?
ADC: A bunch of locked-up writers under the pen name "Trumper".
Trump: Good, Boom. Problem solved. Write. Write me a longest epic there was. An epic that no Liberal can finish in his lifetime. Boom.
Trump (tweeting): Totally cool. I'm totally cool. I'm all locked up to write a trismessy about an eastern woman... traveling with her son on a horse for ten years...
What Happens Next
- Making American Literature Great Again. Part 2 - Fifty Shades of Greek
Literary nightmares of a beautiful misguided over-educated mind of a former patient of one of the Greatest Russian Psychiatric Asylums "Ward No. 6" (created by Anton Chekhov).
© 2017 kallini2010