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Making American Literature Great Again. Part 2 - Fifty Shades of Greek

Updated on January 12, 2018

About the Book

Aide-de-Camp (ADC): Well, Mr. Predisent... about the book..

Trump: What?

ADC: We have to decide on a type of boat and a crew.

Trump: Simple. A boat made out of pure solid gold.

ADC: Mr. Predisent, Greek boats were made out of pure solid wood.

Trump: Wood is out of style. Gold. Make it gold.

ADC: Would you rather sink in the first chapter?

Trump: I'm unsinkable. You know why?

ADC: Because you're hollow inside.


tweeting "I'm hooloo..." (sends midsentence)

Trump: Where was I?

ADC: We'll paint the ship with gold paint and leave design to the writers.

Trump: Great choice. What do they know about ship design?

ADC: Who cares? They write. They make up. They write make-believe.

Trump (tweeing): Cool wood is made out of pure made-up gold. Nobody will make believe the boat I write.

The Boat

The Boat

Trump: So what kind of boat?

ADC: It's a row boat with sails.

Trump: A warship?

ADC: We can get you a warship. In Ancient Greece they had triremes, but then you need a huge crew - up to two hundred men to power... Get a normal ship. Have fun.

Trump: A normal ship? Get me one from the US Navy.

ADC: That'll be a battleship again, Sir, only bigger. Too much trouble for exploring the Mediterranean sea.

Trump: Fine, forget the Navy. How about flying machines?

ADC: What flying machines? Drones? Airplanes?

Trump: Right, planes. Get me the Air France thing and something to carry it on.

ADC: You mean the Air Force? What thing? An aircraft carrier? Are you going to bomb Mount Olympus?

Trump: If need will be. You are sending me on a ten-year-long campaign...

ADC: Journey, Sir, journey. If you want a military campaign, we need to write "Iliad". Sorry, "Trumpiad".

Trump: Write both - "Trumpiad" and "Trumpessy".


(jumping up with joy):

Oh, I just got a tweet. Oh, the good people of America!


Mr. Predisent, US Navy have a number of idle frigates, cruisers, patrol ships, destroyers...

Trump: Yes! Get me a destroyer! The best destroyer there...

ADC (giving up): I think battleship "Potemkin" is up for grabs. Any particular wishes...

Trump: Procure golden curtains and... eh...

ADC: Do you mean sails?

Trump: That too. Golden sails and curtains to match.

ADC: Excellent idea, Mr. Predisent. Did you think about the crew?


The Crew

Trump: No, but ...

ADC: Golden uniform, I suppose?

Trump: No, are you out of your mind? Blue. The uniform is blue. They are so handsome in whatever they wear.

ADC: I'm glad that's out of the way. How many of those blue men do you need?

Trump: As many as you can get.

ADC: I suggest fifty men.

Trump: Why men?

ADC: They are better at rowing and rowing a destroyer made out pure solid gold is a tall order.

Trump: An order is an order. Have you no faith in our Navy?

ADC: No. Navy is not a problem. I'm sure there will be no shortage of volunteers for the job.

Trump: I don't like to sail with fifty men.

ADC: Women then? Feminists and Liberals would rejoice.

Trump: I cannot let it happen. Men. One woman. Get me only one woman.

ADC: Why?

Trump: What are you? Five?

ADC: I'm more or less six, not that I'm running around with a measuring tape... but it's not that. Having a woman on board of a destroyer powered by fifty young high on testosterone men... No. This is a very bad idea.

Trump: Why? Nothing is going to happen.

ADC: I've heard that before.

Trump: Get me a woman. End of story.

ADC: I'll get you a woman by the end of the story, but until then men will do.

Trump: What they'll do?

ADC: Nothing. Nothing is going to happen.

Trump tweeting:

"Totally cool. We going Greek fifty high men in a shade of a battleship Poo..."

ADC: "Mr. Predisent, we are going to GREECE, to GREECE, not Greeeeeek..."

Trump: See? They are already tweeting back - second chapter of "Trumpessy" -

will be called "50 Shades of Greek".

What's with Shades?

Trump: I don't get it.

ADC: Who does? Just make sure every crew member knows what he agrees to. You have to be able to rely on your team. Because you'll lose most of them in your adventures.

Trump: I know what I need. I need loyalty. Absolute loyalty.

ADC: Put it in a contract. Something like "It will be the greatest adventure in your life, but survival is not guaranteed."

Trump: Tempting. What about the ropes, the bondage...

ADC: What bondage? Bonding?

Trump: Bonding. What's his name? James Bonding. The captain.

ADC: Fine, get James Bonding, the Captain, whoever he is. Think about your crew, your men.

Trump: Right. What's going to happen to them?

ADC: Who knows? Depends on the writer. Whatever writer wants, writer writes.

Trump: Yes, but I'm the writer.

ADC: Right.

(to himself): We all know you are not the writer, you are the curtain.

(to Trump): If they are lucky, they survive. They have to outsmart Odysseus. Sorry, I mean - they have to outsmart Trumpysseus. Sorry, I mean - they have to outsmart you..

Trump: Make up your bloody mind. Nobody can outsmart me...


(to himself): Pretty much everybody can outsmart you... Hmm, but what about the sailors? What a dilemma. Do we need sailors that will perish or sailors who'll survive? Let them live or let them die?

(to Trump): Yes, Sir, Nobody can outsmart you. The whole "Odyssey" would not have happened if not for a certain Nobody and a well-connected one-eyed super-duper-megasized madman.

Trump: Who's that? A Liberal?

ADC: A guy you don't want to mess with.

Did You Read "Odyssey"?

ADC: Did you read "Odyssey"?

Trump: Do I look like an idiot?

ADC: Well, good point. Well, take the next best thing - "Odyssey to Go". Enjoy!

Did you like "Odyssey to Go"?

See results

Ward No. 6

The Writing Barracks

The Writer

Whatever Writer Wants, Writer Writes

That's a Relief

I have to find Trump a woman and a US Navy Destroyer made out of pure solid gold, find fifty men willing to go Greek, golden curtains, golden sails... Yes, almost forgot. Write the contract for each screw member... On the other hand, screw these requirements. Who is writing the story? The lead character or a writer? My story, my ship, my men... He won't notice anything except the absence of the presence of a woman... So, the woman... the woman... where can I find a clever beautiful woman?

Cherchez la Femme Fatale

Look for the woman


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    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 7 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Thanks, Martie, for reading. As long as it makes you smile.

      I'm surprised that "I'm unsinkable because I'm hollow" is considered to be the funniest line.

      My personal favourite:

      - Did you read "Odyssey"?

      - Do I look like an idiot?


      As long as it makes me laugh - I need some buoyancy in my life.

      Yes, I found a woman. She's not devilish, but surprisingly smart and wise. I have always loved her. Though Trump will be pissed.

      Thanks for reading!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 months ago from South Africa

      Trump: I'm unsinkable. You know why?

      ADC: Because you're hollow inside.


      I can see this comedy on a TV screen.

      Still laughing about "Odyssey to Go". So funny!

      Mr. Predisent reminds me of His Lordshit, the abusive husband. I hope you find a devil of a woman who can give him all his hell.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 7 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Thank you, Mike, for reading. The Argonauts went to get the Golden Fleece and I checked wikipedia - all crew members are listed. Way too much work for me. Yes, the rule of the Golden Fleecer and his Trumponauts gives us plenty of material, but I, sort of, intend to keep Trump on the back burner. There is no way I can keep up with him.

      I like old and mature literature that stood the test of time.

      So, all I can say - seasons come and seasons go - Trump like all before him shall pass, but I found a woman who is going to stay. To outlive Trump and all of us.

      Thanks for reading.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 7 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Jodah, don't worry about being mixed up - it's not going to get any better than this with the writer being out of her mind and all. Out-of-mindedness is the only constant in this story.

      Thanks for reading!

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 7 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello – At some point I read the Odyssey, or maybe the Iliad, it was so long ago. The golden fleeces, comes to mind. The golden fleece is making a comeback. One thing for sure, is that the Golden Fleecer has made it to the top. Madness reigns throughout the land. For writers the material seems endless.

      A golden yacht with a golden admiral and his golden boys. People will draw their own conclusions. A great Odyssey, a rewriting and updating of the Trojan™ Wars. So you are set, you have Achilles and you have the heel.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 7 months ago from Queensland Australia

      This was hilarious, Kallini, but now I have to go read part one. I have it all kinda mixed up :)

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 7 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      That was fast! Thank you, Flourish. To read Odyssey yourself is a tall order. That's why I loved "Literature to Go" team. They are so funny and yet quickly summarize all you have to know.

      I read "Odyssey" so long ago that I no longer believe I actually did (Oh, the old good No TV, No Internet Times!)

      It's not an easy reading.

      (We did not have Odyssey in school program, but we had "Crime and Punishment" by reading and "You Can Kill with it" - "War and Peace."

      You are supposed to hear it, not read and that makes all the difference. People then had all the time for long stories not to say they could not read at all.

      It also depends on the performer.

      I liked Ian MacKellan's reading.

      I don't know how this "Trumpessy" (Trump-mess-y) will turn out and whether it'll move past two chapters.

      I suppose it will go on as long as it makes me laugh.

      I'm really glad it makes you laugh too.

      Take care,

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 7 months ago from USA

      I like your humor. Hollow inside ... absolutely. I look forward to you next installment! Odyssey gave me royal headaches in high school. I was much more of an American lit girl.