Male Muse Wanted Immediately
I’m finding little time to sit and be creative lately, and when I do finally sit at my desk and start writing, I’m not able to produce anything that I truly like. So I tried calling out for any of the 10 Muses to please come and muse me. None of them showed up. I've pleaded and wailed and begged with my heart full of anguish and despair, yet none of them appeared. I've thrashed in my bed for countless sleepless nights crying for them to come to me. Nada.
Oh well. Someone else must be hogging them, and I have my suspicions about which hubbers are hogging the muses. But that’s fine. Who needs a female nymph muse? Not me. Who says a man can’t be a muse? Now that would be a very interesting twist. So I’m putting out an advertisement to recruit male muses. I’m sure they’re out there just waiting to be called upon. Sorry ladies, I think we need to give guys a chance to muse, and I'd love to be the one who starts the new muse revolution. What follows are the needed qualifications, sample interview questions, and basically what I will expect from my new male muse.
- You must have muse-like qualities: an ethereal air of divine superiority with a touch of softness, high intelligence, and your clothing should be flowing and sparse revealing most of your assets. The outfit of choice will be gladiator sandals and a loin cloth. Since an ethereal air is difficult for a human to achieve, I will also consider a candidate who simply amuses me.
- You should be able to produce a family tree showing some connection to Apollo or Zeus. If you cannot produce such family genealogy, then having a body that looks like Apollo or Zeus will be sufficient.
- You must be able to inspire me. You may do this through humor, dance, music, poetry, letting me copy your writing or by looking like a Greek God. A little Greek God dancing would be quite inspirational.
- Dragon slaying experience is preferred but not required. Simply looking like you have dragon slaying ability is very good. A willingness to play dragon slaying games is even better as long as you remember that I am always the slayer and you are always the dragon.
- At least 2 years experience in musing or amusement is required.
- You must be willing to do some cooking and light housework. Hey, I can’t do those things and write too. I’m an artist. Frankly, if you can’t cook and clean while musing me, then you needn’t apply. Please take immediate note that I am most easily mused by roast beef and mashed potatoes.
Send or post your resume here along with a list of references immediately. After I review all the resumes, I will start the interview process where you will be expected to answer some very common interview questions, such as:
- What makes you think you would be a good muse for me?
- When was the last time you mused for someone?
- Can you muse 24/7? Why or why not?
- Have you ever been fired from musing?
- Can you bake a chocolate cake?
- Can you throw lightning bolts like Zeus? If so, would you be willing to throw lightning bolts at my adversaries?
- Can you get those nasty coffee stains out of clothing in the laundry pile?
After all the candidates have been interviewed, I will choose 5 people to proceed forth with the loin cloth competition. I advise you to come prepared and to be well oiled. Tardiness will not be acceptable and will result in your immediate dismissal...unless you look like Apollo or Zeus or find some other way to amuse me into forgiving you. Suggesting some dragon slayer role-playing would be highly advisable if you are tardy.
Your compensation will be the internal gratification you receive by inspiring me to produce large volumes of written material that will be loved and adored by everyone. Plus you will go down in history as the first male muse to successfully inspire a talentless aging writer to greatness.
Of course, you will be given a proper muse name, like Harmonicas or Acidophilus, and accommodations will be made for you in my dungeon…I mean basement. We will have a lovely time with me writing and you musing and cleaning and musing and cooking and musing some more.
Now make haste! Brush up on your musing skills and prepare to inspire me to hire you!