ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

McDeaths

Updated on June 26, 2011
A Big Death Burger
A Big Death Burger

McDeaths; the tale of a mad burger king’s empire or A Fable for the Dinner Table


In thunderstorm restaurant owners, the McDeath brothers met with a slick conman called Ali Gater and hatched a plot to take over the fast food world. Gater had a vision of a world where everyone ate nothing but burgers made and sold by him and the McDeath brothers. Furthermore he told the McDeaths he had a plan to ensure their burgers would taste the same whether made by a clean-living Mormon in Utah or a syphilitic junkie in Panama.


The trio headed off to the crossroads to enter into a pact with the devil to raise the necessary money for their evil plan. While down at the crossroads they ran into a young blues singer who was also seeking assistance from Beelzebub to further his dreams.


The young blues singer was hungry and poor like most musicians and the hamburger makers saw a chance to do some early market research. They served him one of their new prototype hamburgers but unfortunately he died a short time afterwards and the coroner’s found his cause of death to be poisoning.


Fortunately for the burger meisters, the young man had not told anybody of his burger meal because the devil had warned him if anyone blabbed about what went on at the meeting their deal was off and they would die in agony, which was ironic because that’s exactly how he did die.


The fast foodies were also lucky young Robert was a bit of a ‘man about town’ if you get my drift and his successes with the fairer sex had earned him an entire army of enemies of the lethal kind, so if the cops had ever been bothered to look into the suspicious death of this young black man they would have found dozens of people with a motive to kill him, but not ironically those who actually did so.


Following their meeting the burger Kings had begun putting their ill-gotten gains to work developing much nastier versions of the bland but deadly fast food they had tested on the unfortunate young bluesman. This didn’t stop them initially crapping themselves however and returning to the crossroads for some more assistance from their dastardly benefactor.


When they arrived at the crossroads he had a group of half-wits with vacant expressions wearing corporate uniforms and flipping disgusting grey lumps of grunge in the shape of burger patties.


Beelzebub explained to the worried burger barons that he would keep their names out of any investigation that might arise in return for them making him sole supplier of ingredients for their proposed chain of stores. And since this was a subsequent clause in their contract, he instigated another change in his own favour; namely every time they placed an order he expected it be bigger than the last one or there would be he would back an opponent to open alongside an established McDeaths outlet.


The McDeaths and Gater agreed to the deal and to this day McDeaths still purchase their ingredients from the devil. The brothers fell out with Gater in the early sixties because he had struck an extra special deal with Beelzebub in which he got an extra slice of every order McDeaths placed with the infernal one. As a result he wanted the chain to expand rapidly to increase his income, while the McDeaths (who had no such incentive) were happy to stop at 50 stores. So he took a loan out with the red-suited one and bought the entire operation from the McDeaths.


Eventually the scent of obscene amounts of money began to affect Gater’s thinking and some say the stress of having the blues singer’s demise on his conscience caused him to become dangerously paranoid. He began prefacing the names of all his menu items with ‘Mc’ and by the time he passed away in the 1980s the devil was prospering and McDeaths Restaurants were plying their sinister trade all over the world.


The rest is history and the original McDeath brothers are now also McDead.



Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)