ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Melancholy Mood

Updated on October 12, 2010

Downtown home

Mantle placed in downtown home in Kansas, bought at first! and I can't even believe how LITTLE I paid for this beauty!  We put in place of the ugly '70's travesty former owners had done!
Mantle placed in downtown home in Kansas, bought at first! and I can't even believe how LITTLE I paid for this beauty! We put in place of the ugly '70's travesty former owners had done!
Downtown home
Downtown home
Country home
Country home
The long road  home driveway
The long road home driveway

Feelings; thinking about things

I spent a little over a week recently visiting my "past life," my hometown. I've been away a little over 3 1/2 years now, and make every effort to return 3 or 4 times a year. During these periods, I oversee my properties (there are two, both of which are leased), and allow myself to be tourist in my hometown. There have been so many changes, so much is different; little has remained the same. I must admit, though, that I really like the changes. Little, 'one horse town,' Napa has become something of a mini metropolis, complete with a large selection of diverse restaurants offering tasty cuisine, many shops with items not available in most small town venues, and theatre, live performances and so much more. I am delighted with this as I explore, donning walking shoes for my nightly trek, feeling new and alive among the crowd while emersing myself in the sights, sounds and smells of my transformed home. These evening strolls are always something I look so forward to; being alone and yet, one of many who, no doubt, are feeling the same as I.

For some reason, traveling to my past, always brings up emotions I haven't felt in so long. I guess this is to be expected. Even though it is very different now, there are still vestages of my former life caught just out of sight, an instant of recognition; a familiar sound; sight, stirs long slumbering waves of "...ahhhh, yes!"

I often tell people that I've lived many lifetimes. So varied are my experiences, so different the places I have lived. Mine has been a life of exploration. I've lived in San Francisco, working downtown in the main business district, Kearny St. I spent years in the East Bay Area, living and learning in Berkeley, Ca. I've called Colorado home, Oregon, Washington State and now, Kansas. I spent most of my time in N. California, in the Napa Valley; St. Helena and Napa. I managed a Victorian home in downtown Napa where my small studio apartment was and, at the same time, rented a cabin in the woods above St. Helena, on a section of land, for a decade. I owned a home in Downieville, Ca. for 12 years while also living in my own home in the southern end of the Napa Valley. Most recently, I bought another home in Napa, in the rejuvenated, 'gentrified' section of "Old Town," which my friend and I completely renovated, returning it to it's former turn of the century grandeur. High ceilings, beautiful woodwork, hardwood flooring, Wedgewood stove, huge clawfoot tub and pedestal sink are only part of what makes this home so lovely. The windows, all sash, work easily and the structure is great; all redwood! This is where I stay when in Napa. I languish in the beauty around me, the fantasy of years past, the richness of what it must have been like when this home was new.

And now, SE Kansas where I have a 10 acre animal rescue sanctuary and an in town, beautiful, fabulous 1885 3 story home. With a 'mini' grand staircase, 3 sets of pocket doors, a grand fireplace mantle, immaculate crown moulding and parquet dining room floor, this house is fantastic. As with the Napa home, we returned this one to it's former glory, exposing two of the pocket doors which had been removed by former owners, opened up walls which had been sheet rocked closed and we turned a laundry room (probably once a pantry) into a walk through bar which is an excellent addition as we host many partys for our friends.

My friend, Al, once told me, "Kathy, you mostly live in a mental world you've created, matching your surroundings to that world....I think you are happier there than in the present, such as it is...."

He's right! I do live mostly in my mind; picking and choosing what feels best makes me happy and content. My homes reflect this. And, I've discovered that I am in love with the past; a past I never experienced at least, not that I am aware of.  Antique, vintage and 'turn of the century' decor is most attractive to me. The gentile manner in which people related, courtesy and defined roles, in an idealistic fantasy, resonate with me. Almost like a dance in which people knew the steps and follow the pattern; past modes of behavior appeal greatly to me.

This hub is going to go all over the place. So many thoughts come while I write, and I feel the need to write so, please bear with me as I let the thoughts flow. I'll probably have to write several pieces in order to relate all that is rapidly firing in my mind....if for no other reason than to keep readers interested and not thinking; "she's off her rocker!!"

I yearn for a simpler time. Recently, a good friend of around my age sent an email about what it was like when we were kids. (It's coming your way, EMan)  This touched me deeply and sent my thoughts soaring. A simple, gentle, innocence which is being lost to younger ones, and is all but forgotten to us as time passes. Probably, I am just caught up in the same process we all go through at this stage in life; wondering, remembering, musing....'what if!' and 'wasn't that great!?' "The road not taken" comes to mind.

But, I wouldn't change a thing. Even the hurtful times. Not even the painful, disappointing moments. As I look back, these effect me no more except that I learned a great deal having gone through sadness, loss and sorrow. Recalling these times, I now understand more clearly and am less subject to the negative feelings. And then there are all the amazing experiences I've had! Riding freight trains with my sweetheart, traveling up and down the west coast w/2 good friends, open to anything which came our way, traveling extensively, daring myself into positions of respect and authority such as being 'executive chef' in one of Napa's early favorite restaurants, excelling in Chinese cuisine with a famous chef, being part of a large international bank's first electronic overseas banking processes, correspondent, activities planner, office manager, editor and photographer for one of the largest Animal Rights Organizations in the world, hospitality and sales manager for one of Napa Valley's most well known and respected wineries...and so much more. I've been a job hopper but only because, once I'd grown used to and felt I had learned all I could, I wanted to try something else; another challenge.

I'm going to publish this now...I'll add more later.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Jermajesty 3 years ago

      Good to find an expert who knows what he's tanlikg about!

    • profile image

      Anapaula 3 years ago

      I carry on listening to the neswcast lecture about getting free online grant applications so I have been looking around for the most excellent site to get one. Could you advise me please, where could i find some?

    • profile image

      Dragon 3 years ago

      The truth just shines thguorh your post

    • Lucky Cats profile image

      Kathy 6 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Alastar....thank you. Yes, I do prefer the world in my imagination more often than not. A life of my own device. When I can.

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 6 years ago from North Carolina

      AAs correct. Lucky you have a work resume anyone should be proud of and all your hubber friends are glad you did publish and yes we do live in the world we create...sometimes.

    • Lucky Cats profile image

      Kathy 6 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Hi Augustine. You are too kind. I really appreciate your comment but, this one is all over the place...I was in such a 'mood' that day; wondering about EVERYTHING and trying to sort it all out and then, foolish me, I put in writing and then...and then...oh, more foolish me, I published it! Should have stayed in my 'diary.' (Except, I don't have one!) Thank you for your visit and aupport.

    • A.A. Zavala profile image

      Augustine A Zavala 6 years ago from Texas

      Off your rocker? Impossible. Such an interesting life and background. I agree, all times in our lives, both happy and sorrowful, help forge who we are. We need to experience both, and hopefully survive to become funtional members of society. Some of us become writers, some muses. Thank you for sharing.

    • Lucky Cats profile image

      Kathy 7 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Cheeky girl!!! Thank you! What a nice comment. I really appreciate it!

    • Cheeky Girl profile image

      Cassandra Mantis 7 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

      Wow, heavy duty great writer talent, I loved the wrting. You are someone I could just read all day long! :)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 7 years ago

      ..thank you Amy - she beat me to it - yes you personify beauty and brains - and somebody who is savvy and smart should give you your own lifestyle magazine to edit on the subject of impeccable good taste!

    • Lucky Cats profile image

      Kathy 7 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Lorlie...we share similar stomping grounds and things we feel are important! I lived in St. Helena from 1876 to 1984....up in the woods off Howell Mountain Road. Worked at Guigni's one summer and was chef for Maggi Gin for several years. Thank you for the nice words.

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 7 years ago from Bishop, Ca

      Lovely! I am also in love with the Bay Area, Lucky Cats, especially St. Helena-I have an extensive history there and cherish memories that lift me up when I am feeling crushed by life's blows.

      I'm also a great fan of Kansas City, St.Joseph, Mo., and Wapello, Iowa. Enjoy your creatures, L.C.!!

      I enjoyed this Hub tremendously!

    • Lucky Cats profile image

      Kathy 7 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      JY and Amy, thank you so much for your kind comments. Isn't this life something? I'm looking for a better word than "something" but, can't come up w/it. I look forward to your kitty adventure, Amy. I surely have been through some harrowing times because of loving these small creatures. Bless you for caring; it is evident that you do. And JY, though I don't comment on your works as much as I'd like to...I thoroughly enjoy your many and varied offerings. Thank you both!!!

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      You personify beauty and brains. This picturesque adventure creates such vivid descriptions, I feel I'm walking through this town myself. You have inspired me to write about my "kitty adventure", but it is very sad and I have to treat it more carefully than those that did not. Thank you for sharing your memories and what is to come in such a beautiful way.

    • JY3502 profile image

      John Young 7 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      I've also been to and lived in many different places. But you seem to have done a lot more in each place you were at. I'm jealous! LOL