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Men...Love? Ugh!

Updated on June 18, 2013

What on Earth’s the matter with you?

There’s so much drama in all you do.

Funny though; you say it’s me

Who brings the drama eagerly.

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Besides, it’s so not worth the fight.

Though I must admit it’s hard

When you play the ‘victim’ card.

Everything I say is wrong

You go on and on all night long

Even when the words are fine

You twist and turn them, redefine!

That’s okay, make them mean;

Something dirty when they were clean.

And; boo hoo hoo; you’re so great.

How could I possibly relate?

You’re wonderful, yes you are.

You really set quite a bar.

And me, I just cannot reach

Perhaps it’s something you can teach?

After all, you broke the mold

And what high standards you do hold.

As you should, it’s only fair

Less than perfect, you wouldn’t dare!

Oooh, you poor little boy thing

I should treat you like a king!

I know, I know, I’m so bad to you

There’s so much more that I should do.

I’m not sure if I can find the time

But least I can do is throw you a dime.

What?… He just stops and stares.

A dime! Now call someone who cares!

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    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      samowhamo,

      Aww, I'm so happy to hear that your mother was good to you despite what she was going through. I can understand where your resentment would come from, but I'm happy to see that you've learned there is so much more to it and that we all have our struggles. I was raised in a very rocky home myself. Three of my father's brothers all divorced in the same year and my mother and father were probably the ones who should've, but never did. We definitely had some dysfunctional kind of life. I also had my moments of resentment, but I am more understanding and forgiving of them now.

      I love the story behind your nom de plume; how cute! Funny too!

      Cat

    • samowhamo profile image

      samowhamo 4 years ago

      Thank you Cat. My mom and dad always fought and argued with each other but she was still a good mother to me. I use to hate her when I learned of her addiction but I don't anymore because now I am learning that its not her its the drugs influencing what she does (on a side note in one of your comments you said (samowhamo what a name) in case you are interested its a name my mom and dad use to call me when I was a lot younger they still do every now and than to tease me. They would say Sam-O-Whamo turn around and see his butt crack-o.)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      samowhamo,

      You're right... not all men are like that and there are plenty of women with their own problems too. To love and be loved is the best feeling in the world, I'm not sure I understand why people would want it any other way? Seems simple, doesn't it?

      I'm sorry to hear about your mother's addiction... I hope you were able to still enjoy a happy childhood and walked away unscathed. I hope things turned out better for her too.

      Thanks so much for the visit and sharing with me!

      Cat

    • samowhamo profile image

      samowhamo 4 years ago

      Well its a good thing not all men are like that and some men and women are in good relationships with each other. I cant say the same for my parents though they divorced because of my moms drug addiction.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Anumaha,

      Well, thank you... again! I can't help but to pick on the guys sometimes, look what they put us through! lol (Trust me, I've got enough 'material' to write 100 of these, lol)

      I'll swing by your way after I get up in a few hours and check our your pages!

      Thanks again!

      Cat

    • Anumaha profile image

      Anupama 4 years ago from Nepal

      cat,

      No, you don't sound heartless. You sound all wise and fun lol. I relate with your expressions on the poem ;)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Anumaha,

      Aw, thanks! I know, it might sound like I’m heartless…lol, I’m not, but I have definitely been here before and it’s not pretty, but the hub is all in good fun… just gotta laugh sometimes!

      Thanks so much for stopping by and for the compliments!

      Cat

    • Anumaha profile image

      Anupama 4 years ago from Nepal

      hahaha...AWESOME poem. This poem really screams my heart out :P

      BOW DOWN to this line: :D

      "Oooh, you poor little boy thing

      I should treat you like a king!

      I know, I know, I’m so bad to you

      There’s so much more that I should do.

      I’m not sure if I can find the time

      But least I can do is throw you a dime."

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      W1totalk,

      Well, thank you very much! I really do care, sometimes you just throw your hands up, you know?

      Thanks again!

      Cat

    • W1totalk profile image

      W1totalk 4 years ago

      Great writing. Honest. Good. Truth.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Okay... that's it... the dog can wait. I'm coming over! :D lol

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

      Thanks Cat~and I'll be hanging around your hub too. Have a great evening. P.S.~it is great to meet people that 'get' you. It just makes you feel good and not alone :-)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Minnetonka Twin,

      Aww, thank you! Honestly... I don't know how you became one of my hubbers that slipped through the cracks to the wayside, but I'm going to be sure to keep you right up at the top now. It's so nice to feel like someone 'gets' you every now and then, you know? I have very much appreciated everything you've said to me today and yesterday and you've certainly made my days! I'm honored to be a pea in the pod with you!

      I will definitely be around your way much more :D

      Until then.... smile

      Cat

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

      Aww, what a nice hug Cat and here's one right back at you as Ellen DeGeneres would say. I got a kick out of the comment about Colin provoking that behavior. He does have a way with us hub gals. Hope your having a great day my friend. BTW~I reread your bio here and what came to mind was that we are 'kindred spirits' or 'two peas in a pod.' We are so much alike Cat. Yes, I mean we are two awesome chicks! LOL

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Minnetonka Twin,

      Oh... I'm laughing from my belly now, but almost a little embarrassed. I just went back up and reread the comments between Colin and I... wow, I really just say what's on my mind I guess! Colin has a way of provoking that kind of behavior though! :D

      Thank you so much... I have been blessed by three of your visits today! ...and I'm more than happy you can appreciate the goofy side of me as well.

      Thanks a bunch!!! I have to give you a hug now!

      Cat

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

      I was laughing at this hilarious illustration of annoyances in relationships. Very good tongue and cheek poem my Cat friend. As if I wasn't laughing hard enough, then I scroll down and read Colin's comment and your comment back. This is living and what a way to start the day. Good ole Belly laughter. Thanks for making my day Cat. You rock girl!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      CloudExplorer,

      Ha ha ha... 4 thumbs is a first Mike! Thanks! I really appreciate your compliments. :D

      Yes, it's easy to see the ebbs and flows of our most intimate relationships because there is so much involved... but it is not hard for me to love my neighbor, just simply... no strings attached and I'm sorry that others don't feel the same.

      I saw that you were from New York... though I think you're in the happenin' area... lol, I'm Upstate... we could do lunch sometime! :D

      Thanks a million, I really appreciate it... and yes, I'm sure the ladies could have plenty of their own poems :D

      Cat

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      Mike Pugh 4 years ago from New York City

      4 thumbs up my good friend Cat, wow your poetic vice beholds a mighty gripping force, and I love the way you play with words, thoughts, and feelings about life and earthly connections amongst others.

      I just got from reading your profile and its true to life what you feel about humanity and all I feel much of the same, as you getting to learn about me. I never knew you were from New York and we must be neighbors, I'm a fellow New Yorker too.

      Awesome poem here, men are funny just as ladies can be as well :)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      wildove5,

      Oh my goodness; that was such a cute story... lol. Paying your brother $5.00 to keep quite? Ha ha! Class rings... going steady... ah, how times have changed :-( Gee, you walked me down memory lane! Your father, how cute that was! If only I wouldn't have hid my boyfriends from my strict father, maybe he could've offered me some insight! lol...

      Thanks girl!

      Cat

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      wildove5 4 years ago from Cumberland, R.I.

      I remember my first real date, the one where the guy comes to your house and picks you up in his own car. Oh I was so excited! Except my parents made me take my little brother along as a chaperone,,, ( we paid him 5 bucks to keep quiet about the kissing and it worked! ) Anyways, this boy turned out to be a total looser. Consistently playing games of hide and seek with my heart. When I finally had enough and I told him to come pick up his school ring; which back then meant we were going steady, my father tossed me a dime as I was heading out the door to meet him at the curb. I turned to my father with a confused look on my face and asked him what the dime was for. My father said "throw it to him and tell him to call you when he grows up." I skipped out of the house with a huge smile planted on my face and did exactly that! It felt so good. My dad taught me a valuable lesson that night so long ago. Don't take shit from no one! No matter how dreamy he is!! lol Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Anna,

      Ha ha ha! Yes, maybe I'll strut around in my wedding Chucks :D lol...

      Okay... I'm not really that bad, ha ha... there is quite a difference in walkability between stilettos and converses... lol

    • Anna Haven profile image

      Anna Haven 4 years ago from Scotland

      Very welcome. You can strut off in your Converses then :) Anna

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Anna Haven,

      Oh how nice it is to see you on my humble little page! Thank you so very much!

      Ha… me in stilettos; I’d be sure to hurt someone, if not myself! :D

      Thank you so much!

      Cat

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Au fait,

      Oh you had me laughing! I had to read that first remark a couple times… ha ha ha!

      Wel,l let me tell you how flattered I am! (That was it… I just said it ;-)

      Oh, Au fait, fortunately I’m not currently living in drama, but as far as everything leading up to this point; drama has seemed to have come with it. I don’t miss it either and I’d like to keep it that way. You… you can kill ‘em with intelligence; I wouldn’t dare either… ha ha.

      Thanks Au fait, you’re awesome!

      Cat

    • Anna Haven profile image

      Anna Haven 4 years ago from Scotland

      Very nicely done.

      Feisty and funny; whilst walking those stilettos straight out of the door to a better place.

      Great rhyming couplets and I liked the path being laid to empowerment.

      Go girl :)

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 4 years ago from North Texas

      What doesn't kill me had better start running . . .

      You are so good at rhyming and you have such a great vocabulary at your disposal. Someday I will be able to say I once knew the great Cat!

      Must say, I don't miss the drama (relationships).

      Excellent as I have come to expect from you. Voted up, awesome, and will share!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Sweet James,

      It took me a long time to realize that being treated poorly is often not because of shortcomings of the poorly-treated but rather shortcomings of the one treating poorly. What does not kill us makes us stronger and thank goodness not all men are the same.... or women for that matter.

      Thanks Gentle Wolf

      Cat

    • Romeos Quill profile image

      Romeos Quill 4 years ago from Lincolnshire, England

      @James Wolve. You're right;some men ain't worth it.That's why she chose me.

      Have a nice day! :)

      R.Q.

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      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Cutest Cat,

      How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a punching bag ?Some men are not just worth it!

      Voted up

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Poetic Fool,

      Thank you so much, I'm honored. I was writing more from the past then my present, but as I started to put myself back there; the poem wrote itself! Thanks again for stopping by!

      Cat

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      Poetic Fool 4 years ago

      Hi, Cat! Another poem of yours that strikes home with me. This could have been written about someone that I know, it fits to a tee. If fact, it raised the frustration level in me by rekindling those old feelings. You know you've done a great job when your words can do that. Thanks for sharing!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Lurana,

      You are so right! I wrote this with an angry laughter :D I am no stranger to this moment and it is probably one of the most frustrating parts of a relationship.

      I'm so amazed you referenced FYC... I haven't heard this song in a long while, but I remember as a kid, I was fascinated by it. Thank you!

      Cat

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      Lurana Brown 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

      You portrayed it in a lighthearted way but the disconnect is miserable in the moment. I've had those kinds of conversations and they can be crazy! Great FYC song too, I love them. ~Lurana

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Alex,

      You're so sweet... I'm going to take all that as a compliment, but I believe you might give me too much credit :D ... I do have much respect for most people; life's so much more peaceful that way ;-)

      Thanks for coming by Alex!

      Cat

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      Alex Munkachy 4 years ago from Honolulu, Hawaii

      Cat, I liked the sarcasm and the sass in this one. I get the idea that even though your guy may annoy you and you want to tell him off, it's obvious that you also respect him and look up to him in certain ways. My guess is that you've both got your claws in each other, and you both probably secretly like it that way ;) Write on,

      Alex

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Monk... horseback; they both have their attractive qualities :D

      Your home brew huh? Something tells me you and I talking over some home brew would be one heck of a meeting of the minds :D

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 4 years ago

      How about some of my home brew Cat , I ahh, can't do the monk thing but , hey we could have a blast ! It would be fun to share with you , you're an angel !

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Woah! It's scary how you snook right in there :D

      Seriously... I've had a very similar thing happen to me before. Get the balls, you know.. those ones you gave me credit for having, to do something 'out there' and then some dip has a confused look on their face, says something stupid and returns to watching "The Simpsons" ha ha ha

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Ha ha! ... yes, and I was also typing a response to your new lady love while you were! ... I'll have to see how she pans out; could definitely be a new, interesting addition :D

      Yeah, I guess I can picture guys in brown robes with funny haircuts drinking ale... now that I think about it. Unless you telepathically sent me the image :D

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Thanks Cat for doing that - but if I found you in that vulnerable (dis)position when I came home I would skip dinner and just head for dessert, lol

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      funny my dear Cat - great minds think alike - I was just going to write

      "right up your abbey" lol and it's true I've had imported beer from Belgium where they brew it in a monastery

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Lady LLD? You mean, right up my abbey? I'm on my way! :D

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      oh yeah, monks make abbey beer all of the time -that much is true.

      Cat? Could you do me a favor and check out Lady LLD - I would like her to get some more followers and I think her writing style may be right up your alley - I commented on her housework hub, lol

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      A man of the cloth you say? What is this new path of yours? (Uh... is beer allowed in the abbey?)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      yes Cat .... 'fraid so ..... I am a man of the cloth now and I make beer in the abbey and try not to get any on my robe.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Colin… is that you? I almost didn’t recognize you.

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Thank you Kim! No, it is not always the ladies :D

      Thanks again for stopping and the vote!

      Best Always,

      Cat

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      epigramman 4 years ago

      Now I hope my return here and my 'generic' comment will not offend anyone - yes it's the new Epi , so here goes:

      Nice. Thank you for sharing (he said stiffly)

      Have a good day.

      Mister C

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 4 years ago from North Carolina

      Cat,

      So nice to see a woman point out that men can be real drama kings!

      VOTED UP!

      Best Always,

      Kim

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      PoeticPhilosophy,

      Oh, I'm so sorry; I didn't see you up there! Thank you so very much... that's about how I felt writing it :D

      Thanks so much for stopping and commenting!

      Cat

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      suzettenaples,

      Thank you! I like speaking about matters like this because I know many can relate. If I can find a way to do it without offending men and admitting that women are guilty of the same; then I'll be satisfied :-)

      Thank you so much for stopping and the wonderful compliments!

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 4 years ago from Taos, NM

      This poem is great. There are some drama king divas (os) out there - I can so relate to this poem. Your rhyme schemes are great. Thanks for an entertaining and truthful poem!

    • PoeticPhilosophy profile image

      PoeticPhilosophy 4 years ago from Canada

      Awesome, the whole thing a was awesome then I read the end and it made me laugh.

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Theater girl,

      Ohhh, I'm so happy to hear that... you know; it really isn't that heard of anymore. It seems there are so many broken-hearted running around, lovers scorned and unhappy relationships. It's nice to see them actually exist and I'm so very happy that you have that.

      Thank you girly!

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      Jennifer 4 years ago from New Jersey

      Thanks Cat, and yes, rest assured, that although it took many years of stumbling, I have found true love ;) you enjoy too! ;)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Theater girl,

      Aw... that kind of makes me sad. You know what? Something tells me you're just such a sweetheart that when you start getting neglected you're apt to be too forgiving... well, in the past anyway and I'm glad you've gotten past those days. Hoping you have or will find a true love that appreciates you for everything you are and all that you deserve!

      Don't even talk me to me about the rhyme! :D

      You never sound like a greeting card... Hallmark ain't got nothin' on you!

      Thanks girl!!!

      Wishing you the best today, tomorrow and always!

      Cat

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Faith Reaper,

      My dear sweet and beautiful friend; you made me laugh with your spunky comments! I didn't know you had it in you... I guess you are the woman with it all :-) I can't take it anymore... there are two hubs in particular that I've been dying to get to of yours and now that you've got me going... I'm trucking over there!

      Thank you so much... you are such a treat and a joy!

      Hugs and love, Cat

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      Jennifer 4 years ago from New Jersey

      Cat, we have so all been here! I finally stopped falling for people that liked themselves more than they liked me! Great piece, and I envy how you use rhyme. I fear I always sound like a greeting card !

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      Yay, Cat!!! Send him walking and you were generous with the dime, as his thumb would do! :)

      You are far too intelligent, beautiful and strong to even give such a "man" the time of day! He is in for a big fall this one, as when there is that much pride and arrogance, that big fall is only minutes away!

      Woo hoo, beautiful lady . . . you know what's what!

      Voted up +++ and sharing

      Hugs and love, Faith Reaper

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Leslie,

      Ha ha ha... there is nothing I can tell you that you don't already know... that's why most of the world worships you and the rest are scared to death! lol!

      Ignorance... yes, it is the path I often seek, but unfortunately cannot seem to find :D

      You're a doll and I love ya!!!

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 4 years ago

      OMG..can you say textbook narcissist - sadly - i know i CAN! Highly entertaining, highly draining as you are clearly aware of! LOVED this - you are brilliant and almost TOO in touch with human nature! Sometimes - ignorance IS bliss..

      When and if you ever find any - please send my way! lol

      sharing, pinning, loving!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      dreamseeker2,

      Thanks girly! I definitely know my fair share… but one might suggest I’m just a good ‘button pusher’ lol! Sisters?!! Lucky you… maybe that’s my problem… I grew up with boys… I know their secrets :D

      Thanks again!!!

      Cat

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Kathryn,

      Yes, yes they can… but so can Cat’s! lol… I have to be fair, especially before I create any drama and offend any of my beloved man friends :D

      Some people don’t like sarcasm… but I’m immature and it works for me :D lol… Just because I’m a grown up doesn’t mean I have to grow up! :D …it’s all in good fun!

      Thanks again Kathryn,

      Cat

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Eric,

      I have played on this playground more than once and because you are so gracious with your honesty then I too will admit that I have been on both sides of this myself. Sometimes that bumpy path we take to the paved road is much needed! Thanks Eric, you are a dear friend.

      Cat

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Billy,

      All in good fun :D Not every man is so bad, just a lot of them aren’t so good. No… kidding, kidding! I am a lover of all people. But I’ve definitely visited this place before, thank goodness I’m feisty and can hold my own :D

      Thank you for always riding the roller coaster that is Cat! Hugs to you!

      Cat

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Man of Strength,

      Something told me you’d ‘get’ this one :-)

      There are no Prince Charmings, there are no Kens and there are no Barbies… we just need to figure out how to love the next best thing ;-)

      Thanks friend! :D

      Cat

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      You are the best Ed… I’m waiting for you to write the book on love and then all will have all the answers to life’s mysteries! … and you are the best!

      Big hugs,

      Cat

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Well golly gee Colin… if that ain’t a heck of a response! :D I am honored, however, that I was able to make you laugh to the point of soiling yourself; sorry by the way, let’s just hope they’re disposable ;-)

      Yes, I remember reading somewhere not to use titles that sound like they should be in a magazine or any other literature, but Google-geared… eh, screw ‘em!

      Ah, there’r plenty of good guys out there and you’re one of them and we both know women have their problems too! I guess these things tend to happen in the name of love :D

      A whole song for me? Wit, intelligence and ability to seek out the fookin’ truth? Wow, I shall consider myself a lucky girl to receive such praises from a man with more talent in his pen than I could ever compare!

      Oh… you mean those remotes are detachable and not permanent appendages?

      Did Joan of Arc happen to sit at the table for the Last Supper? Lol :D

      Thank you for complimenting my balls; it’s not every day I hear that and it’s nice to know somebody noticed :D Ha ha ha!

      Is that why people frequently say… ‘You have some nerve!’? Ha ha ha… So I guess from now on I can start replying ‘Thank you so very much!’

      You don’t want to see what I can do on the dance floor… I think I might hurt people :D lol

      You’d certainly never let a woman starve would you!? :D

      Ha ha… if only I were around to stop the ship from sinking ;-) … then we’d be out a heck of a movie and a great song! (Oh and Colin… don’t tell anyone I told you but if you watch the movie on tape or dvd… you can see a boobie… yes, that’s right :-)

      Thank you Colin, you’re a sweetheart and you certainly know how to lift a girl up! You are a very dear friend!

      Big hugs and lots of love to you and your fluffy little chittty chats!

      Your Cat

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      shanmarie,

      Hey… I was tired and yes, it does work for me… unless of course you want to elaborate? :D

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      dreamseeker2 4 years ago

      LOL! I love this one, Cat!! So true of most men, isn't it?? Great poem and thoughts. Perfect rhymes too! I need to share this with my sisters. Thanks for sharing it with us! AWESOME!! ; )

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 4 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      Oh, some men can be so dramatic! I love your last line, "A dime! Now call someone who cares!" I can really see some men becoming so confused that someone would throw them a dime. Haha. This poem is just dripping with sarcasm, and I love it!

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Oh how this used to be me. Best thing I ever did was throw away the drama. And it surely did take a good woman to help me do it. Wish I would have read this when I was 16.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Well shoot.....could we just pretend I'm not a man and we'll be friends anyway??? :)

      Sending you a hug....I think you might need one.

      bill

    • Man of Strength profile image

      Man of Strength 4 years ago from Orlando, Fl

      Hi Cat,

      That was funny and oh so relatable. Unless you're Prince Charming or Ken from Barbie, I think every man has been taken down a peg or two at least once in his life.

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      ahorseback 4 years ago

      What is this tug of war between lovers , this abyss of lonliness ? And why ?.....Not fair ,...................... huggs ! Your the best !...Ed

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      epigramman 4 years ago

      Oh this is so funny Cat and oh so true that I laughed so hard and peed into my old man diapers, seriously.

      And it's a title to die for - you come up with the greatest titles of all time.

      Yes yes yes I agree - men are vastly and justly overrated creatures - hard to figure out too, lol, and behind every great man is a better woman, duh!!!

      That's why the band HOT CHOCOLATE wrote a song about you Cat - OH YOU SEXY THING, lol, 'cos you are the sexiest woman alive courtesy of your wit and your intelligence and your ability to seek out the fookin' truth, man!!!!!!! lol lol

      So without further adieu you will receive a brand new world premiere EPI-MAN TOP TEN:

      Top ten things a man must do in order to win Cat's heart:

      (in no particular order)

      10. Put down that fookin' remote control guys

      9. When she is talkin' to ya , stop everything you're doing and look her straight in the eyes

      8. Personally when I look into Cat's deep baby blue eyes I spell four letters - L - O - V - E !!!!

      7. When Joan of Arc was burning at the stake and making one last call on her cellphone, who the fook do you think she was talking to? Well it was Cat of course and she was passing Cat the torch to take over and LEAD THE FOOKIN' CHARGE!!!!!!!

      6. Cat makes more wardrobe changes than LADY GAGA and CHER put together and the only other human being that can out-Cat the Cat is LIBERACE.

      5. But back to silly men.

      listen up guys:

      CAT'S GOT MORE BALLS THAN HOWARD STERN

      CAT'S GOT MORE TALK SHOW SAVVY THAN OPRAH WINFREY

      CAT'S GOT MORE NERVE AND AUDACITY THAN HILARY CLINTON

      CAT'S GOT MORE MOVES THAN USHER AND BEYONCE ON THE DANCE FLOOR.

      4. Always treat Cat like the 'true lady' that she is and when you're at it - always treat ALL WOMEN like the ladies they are ....

      3. If you want to make Cat purrrrrr with delight - make her breakfast in bed, prepare her a champagne with orange juice brunch and a fancy omlette, seduce her with dinner at eight and don't forget the Death by Chocolate all dessert midnight buffet

      2. Guys guys guys - Cat is so fookin' hot that she could have melted all of the icebergs before the Titanic got there, trust me on that one.

      1. And on a personal note Cat can always CURE MY BLUES, MEND MY WOES, and PUT A WIDE SMILE ON MY FACE - is this a woman a goddess or what - and she can write like FIVE WINDS ALL BLOWING AT ONCE!!!!!

      lake erie time 6:57am

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      shanmarie 4 years ago

      Well, that's not exactly what I meant, but. . .hey. . . if it works for you.

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Phillydreamer,

      Hey, I had to... I'm a bipolar lover who gets bipolar lovin'. Loved today, scorned tomorrow ;-)

      I'd never throw you a dime... wouldn't do much good anyway; you seen any payphones lately? lol

      Thanks for stopping!

      Cat

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      Jose Velasquez 4 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Hey I'm not sure I appreciate this kick him to the curve theme, and don't you dare throw me a dime. LOL

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Shan,

      Ha ha... Hey, I like that... there is 'NO' victim... all's fair in love and war! Yes, go to bed my sleepyhead! :D

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      shanmarie 4 years ago

      My computer closed the FB page out and then you weren't there any longer. Yeah....I need to go to bed or else be singin' your tune. Nothin' more a pain in the ass than a man pullin' out the victim card when both parties know dang well there is no victim . . .YET. hehehe oooh I must be in a 'mood' myself. hahahaha time to hush up and go to bed now.

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      shan,

      I didn't know you were still up?!? Ah, yes... let it all out... just let it all out! :D I'm feeling better now :-)

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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      writinglover,

      Ha ha ha... maybe I should have a clip from Shrek 2 in here? lol... I'm honored you came over before bed... let's just hope you dream of something better than this! :D

      Thanks super awesome lady!

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      shanmarie 4 years ago

      Preach it, sista!!!!!

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      Jennifer 4 years ago from Lost...In Video Games

      I couldn't go to bed without reading this first. Men can be such drama kings, can't they (courtesy of "Shrek 2")? I often wonder who makes more drama. Anywho, I voted this up awesome!