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Misnomers Hurt My Ears

Updated on April 28, 2017
See how many flaus you can find
See how many flaus you can find

I'm a sending a little "affidavid" out to you all, and no,

I don't have sickness to expect, "Old-Timer's Disease".

I "aks" my lawyer, a former"athalete", about the case,

Who is wrong, just singing a song, out just to "apeas".

He told me it was not any my "bidness", not worry a bit,

And to thank "the blessing in the skies".not to have a fit.

It seemed that I was a likely "canidate", for I must admit.

A "Kard shark" trick, to "despies". makes me "wanna" spit.

I'm plum tickeled...
I'm plum tickeled...

Said seems that I might have "car pool tunnel sindrum",

I'll just have to check it all out in my "chesters drawers".

"Expecialy" the special "broshure" about that "rumatise",

Got to "void" old lemon drops, gives you the "sauwers".

Oh look, there's my "fedral"tax forms, saved from last year,

Filled them out in "Febuary", all about the old "fisical" year.

For all "intensive purposes", I needed a "Heiniken Manuver",

"irregadless", what they say, got choked on my warm beer.

Whuts up..
Whuts up..

There's a piece of "jewlery", I been a saving for a long time,

Glad I found this little "ol" ring, it's "jist" worth "bout" a dime.

Now, "whut" else do I see.. there's the "leash" to my house,

A while since looking, "Help, I'm being "tacked" by a mouse!"

Never "no" "whut" "mite" happen, got to pay "clost" "attenshun"

No matter how old you "git", old age causes a lot of "suspishun".

Don't "hafta" jump a mile, catch more than a hundred "skeeters",

Always a bird "gonna" tell on you, those "raskals", little tweeters.

Actually I am quite successful in my control of all pronunciation and of the English language..ribbit..
Actually I am quite successful in my control of all pronunciation and of the English language..ribbit..

List of corrected words: affidavit, Aultimer's Disease, asked, athlete, appease, business, "A blessing in disguise", candidate, card shark despise, want to, Corporal tunnel syndrome, chest of drawers, especially, brochure, Rheumatism, avoid, sauer, federal, February, fiscal, "intents and purposes", Heimlich Maneuver, regardless, jewelry, old, just, about, what, lease, attacked, know, what, might, close, attention, get, suspicion, have, to, mosquitoes, gonna (may be used, or going to) rascals...thanks for your patients, oops..patience.


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    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 8 months ago from United States

      Yep, it does kinda ring true that the best language is one we can all identify with. Many blessings my friend. whonu

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 8 months ago from Central Florida

      Ha ha! Some folks really do make amessa our language, huh whonu? Think I'll go fine me a realator, see ifn I kin buy me a house. :-)

    • profile image

      Tamara Moore 10 months ago

      My tongue became pleasantly twisted into a pretzel with your marvelous poem...Thank you for sharing you brilliant creativity with us! It is a joy!



    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 10 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      WOW applause on this one. A job really well done. I can say one thing though as I read it through carefully for the second time I am glad no one has asked me to read it aloud since it must be read correctly to be really expressive. I too often start writing and if my thoughts run faster than my fingers can type it is amazing to see what I have come up with afterwards.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 10 months ago from Dubai

      Many things to learn from this piece of writing. A great way to learn.

    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 10 months ago from United States

      Eric, I hope you tell your son that this is not the way you are supposed to read and pronounce some words. Many blessings to you and family my friend. whonu

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 10 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Really cool. This one looks like it took a lot of hard work. I think I will get my son to read it with me.

    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 10 months ago from United States

      If you have the patience and internak foritude to read this whole thing, you might just larn a thing a two.