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Mistress Confessions Part VI: A Man Never Forgets

Updated on December 2, 2016
Love of souls by A. Andrew Gonzalez
Love of souls by A. Andrew Gonzalez

Mistress: One Man's Definition


The "significant other" or "love interest" of a married man. I don't believe that a physical exchange is required. She is either the "soul mate" you found too late to marry or the one you didn't know you had. And in your haste, pain, confusion innocence or ignorance... you substituted her with another.

- A.C. Williams

I had intended to continue this series in progression, with Chapter VI of my book. However, my "significant other" recently brought a much needed point to my attention: A Man Never Forgets

Here we go ladies...yes, I know a man will claim that he can't even manage to remember to take out the garbage. When you question him about his past relationships or feelings - he has no recollection of even having a romantic past or of knowing any other woman but you...or/and his wife, if that be the case.

It's a lie. If you don't believe me - ask him about that fishing trip he took with his buddies ten years ago. You'll regret it!

Now, this is not to say that you should (or even have the "right" to) "push" or pressure him for more information than he claims "not" to remember - that would only piss him off.

Men, unlike women, find no comfort or "release" in revisiting past relationships. Especially if the relationship was important to him and failed for whatever reason. When it hurts....when it really hurts - men shut down. Yeah, yeah...this is the part where you say - "but I tell him about my past relationships. So that we can learn from our mistakes."

Yeah, well, I bet you don't tell him about "the one that got away". You see, that one was "The One". You know "the one" that you secretly hope will come back into your life - or maybe not - because you wouldn't know what in the hell to do if he did. Since you've "moved on" and all.

We all know that life isn't fair - it hurts - it's hard - and it's a bitch! I don't care who you are or how much money you have...we all have a story to tell that rips us apart every time we "go there". Men have those stories too.

And for those women who feel as though you were left behind or that he has forgotten about you...don't you believe it for a second. If he loved you, and I mean truly loved you (now that you are older you should know) and the two of you are apart because of your inexperience at the time, or his family or yours didn't approve, or you just didn't have the strength to endure. It doesn't mean that it wasn't real.

I will share this with you - my significant other - my "soul mate" has loved me for over 20 years now and I have loved him. We were young and we were weak - we could not stand up to family. We both respected our families and even though the disapproval was one-sided - we (both of us) thought that perhaps they saw something that we could not.

What they saw was "love" - and sometimes when people see real love - it takes them back to something that they either lost...or never had. Every day...every year since we have been apart - we have had to make an effort to stay apart. There is marriage, there are children, there are people that we both love and care about, who we have no right or desire to hurt because of our mistake. Every year, every day hurts.

But it is he who has says that we have been poisoned or cursed. (Tristan & Iseult - the book not the movie).

And for those of you who judge (as I know you must - because that is what you do) please know that there is a difference, albeit a fine line, between love and obsession. There is something deeper that both he and I wish we never knew or felt. If you do believe in a higher power - then the idea of one soul being torn apart is not unfounded and I would not wish our feelings of in-completion on a dog.

This segment of Mistress is from BOTH sides - I am writing today from me and mine...a man's love can be as real and as hard as a woman's. And there have been days when we have both wished we could either honestly let it go...or die.

But that would be too much drama.

Here is our curse...if only I could love God as much as I do salvation would be assured. - khalid



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      Lioness30 5 years ago


      Im just finding these hubs, and feel so nuch comfort that I was not the only one to believe this.

      I often wondered if he would forget about me. But in my heart, I don't think he will. He is human. He loved me, he just was too afraid to do what most men are afraid to do...walk away. He kept saying while we dated, its just not a good time right now, financially, etc. He never had to elaborate, I knew what he meant. We all do. And its a shame. Someday, he will, or he may not. Its a 50/50 shot.

      I have so many divorced friends in their 40s, most with kids younger than 18, and they waited too long...they wish they ended it sooner. Its a huge weight ofdf your shoulders when you walk away from being so dependent emotinoally on someone, and opened your heart again to the world and to someone who has been waiting for your heart. As well as finally beginning to learn to love themselves. I wish that for him someday. There is nothing lovelier than being happy and lovingt yourself first. You then truly get to experience what its like to have REAL LOVE for another. But he could not, like he was afraid? But we tried. And we had fun learning a lot about each other, and he learned a lot about someone who appreciates him for who he is, and did not see him as a BAD man. Just because you married the wrong soul, early in life, doesn't make you a BAD person. I just hope he can help himself and his heart someday.

      I will never forget him. A part of him will always remain in my heart. And this article proves many of my male friends wrong- he will always remember. (A lot of them said NOPE! hes a man. He didn't care. He already forgot.)

      On another note- i have read and heard that under lots of stress, esp stress like this, men "compartmentalize" their thoughts and memories in their mind.

      But does this mean they also throw away the memories?

    • REritr profile image

      REritr 9 years ago from California

      Thanks for your insight into men's minds and emotions. I discovered first-hand that some GOOD men never forget.

      Sometimes your soul mate (oftentimes unwittingly) waits in the wings for you while you try to figure your life out. After ending my 20 year marriage, I moved back to my native city and was invited to a family party by the brother of my former "maid of honor" and had also served as an usher at my wedding. He was a guy I always thought to have a terrific personality -- but I had NO clue that he'd "had" it for me back in my single years. He hestitated to pursue me since I was already dating my husband-to-be. What happened? After that first incredible kiss, he told me that he had been waiting patiently to do that for 25 years. I was floored.

      We married three years ago, and I can honestly say that if there is indeed a heaven, I am experiencing it here on earth. It is SO worth it to be with the right person -- one who seems to make you feel as if your lot in life has improved just to be around him or her. Once a match like that has been made, all is right with the world.

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      mjwettoes 9 years ago from Harrisburg, PA

      I think you are right about men never forgetting, any more than a woman never forgets. I fell in love when I was 20, he was 25. We tried to work it out, we tried and tried. And never could. After not seeing him for 23 years, I got the nerve to call the phone number I had for him. It had been sitting on my desk for 4 years. Maybe by not calling, I could believe he was still there. What if I called, and he was gone? Gone forever. But I did call, he was there. Unfortunately, there are many reasons we cannot be together - once again. But he never did forget, not a moment. He believes it is not over yet........And in a way, he is right. Whatever happens.

    • ELFNTRU profile image

      ELFNTRU 9 years ago from United States


      Whew! It has been a while...but I am back! Thank you all for your continued support of the Mistress series during my absence. Once again, ALL COMMENTS ARE WELCOME - your views on this subject are honestly appreciated!