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Mock Trial - Prose

Updated on February 9, 2012

What if I told you I think I have a brain tumor?
And that I’ve tried to make contact with the chosen one?
And that my sense of self has been over-ridden by a sense of community?
And that suddenly I’m worried about being on a show called, “This is my life?”
And that they asked me, “How many people have you helped?”
What would I say?
How many witnesses would there be against me?
What if every person I didn’t help but could have was there?
What if every person I hurt was there?
What if they remembered each moment as if it happened yesterday?
What could I say?
How could I justify any of it?
I don’t have any witnesses
Not that many anyway
Maybe a few here and there
But what if God brought forward people who didn’t believe in him?
And asked me why they can be so good and I so bad even though I've tried to believe?
And what if he asked me why I stole those flip-flops back in 1981?
And what if he asked me why I lied to that girl about what I really did that night?
And what if he asked me why I try to seduce every pretty girl I meet?
And what if he asked me why I rejected his son?
And what if he asked me why I couldn’t get along with the two women I married?
And what if he asked me why I only thought of myself?
What would I say?
What could I say?
But you know
I don’t really have a brain tumor
At least I hope not
My head just hurts so much though
And now I’m thinking I’m fucked
Because even after going through my mock trial
I haven’t changed
I mean Peter denied Jesus three times even though he saw it with his own eyes
And the Jews mocked God even though they saw a pillar of fire
And Judas betrayed Jesus even though he knew the truth
How can I be expected to be so good and I don’t know the truth
How can I be expected to be so good when I am born under original sin?
How can I be expected to be so good when I am a sinner?
How man?
HOW??????

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    • raciniwa profile image

      raciniwa 5 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      the question is: have we love ourselves enough in order for to love our fellowmen better? as the saying goes: you cannot give what you don't have...

    • HattieMattieMae profile image

      HattieMattieMae 5 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

      Suburban read my email if it came through!

    • MadWhiteWaitress profile image

      MadWhiteWaitress 5 years ago

      ^ What Deborah said. But we can't live in the what if, cause it can deffinately paralyze us. I have felt the same ways, and still do, but I find that focusing on things that I know can be: a blessing to someone else, a blessing to God, and something that I enjoy, really helps. We will never be perfect, but we aren't called to be! We just have to follow the greatest commandment, and everything else will fall into place. "Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength" It's easy to want to please and spend time w/ that of which we value and love =) Nice poem, except for the F-bomb, which I tried to overlook! rate up.

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      We are all sinners.. That's why Jesus had to come and die for our sins. I think like you do. what if? I wish I had done a lot of things better...had been more honest and been basically a better person...

      Thank you for a great Hub

      debbie

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 5 years ago from Canada

      Brilliant! But sounds like just a normal day to me dude. Not to make light of your profound thoughts. We poets do suffer. Regards, snakeslane