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Moons in the Pond - Haiku

Updated on December 22, 2013
Source

I



All the starless night

Frogs singing a roundelay

Dawn. Moons in the pond.




Il


Ice pink petals

of a Japanese Plum melt

into the last snow.






Author's note

I've re-written these poems since they were originally published. Unfortunately, in doing this I've accidently lost the original poems, but I think I like these better.

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    • Pearldiver profile image

      Rob Welsh 5 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      Nice work - you got a good ride and didn't ding your board.. so you can keep puddling confidently and seek the next wave. Thanks for sharing your talent.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Well I am riding high now Pearldiver, thank you very much for your great metaphorical comment.

    • Pearldiver profile image

      Rob Welsh 5 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      You are most welcome.. keep your board well waxed.. it's the power that you get out of a well executed bottom turn that gives you the ability to stay 'high'

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      A surfer pearldiver, wow. I will attempt to "wax" poetic. So far enjoying the ride.

    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      The Buddha

      It was the full moon

      She was in labor pain

      Siddhartha was born

      It was the full moon

      He sat meditating

      The Nirvana

      It was the full moon

      He waited

      The Great demise.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thank you Vinaya Ghimire.

    • profile image

      Ali-Mostofizadeh 5 years ago

      Nice Haiku! I never understood them but always enjoy..By the way, many many years ago means how many?!

    • Hyphenbird profile image

      Brenda Barnes 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

      Lovely Haiku snakelane. I believe Sweet Dawn might be my favorite, though all perfect. Have you written Haiku before?

    • April Reynolds profile image

      April Reynolds 5 years ago from Arizona

      Beautiful Haiku snakeslane, I enjoyed reading.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thank you Ali, Haiku is fairly simple to look at but there's a few rules to follow (or not). I'm not going to tell how many Ali. How about too many (more than 25, less than a hundred!)

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Aww thank you Hyphenbird. I wrote the first two when I was studying creative writing (1981!) The last one (I really like too) I wrote last night taking lines from a longer poem and re-working a bit.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thank you April Reynolds, really appreciate you stopping by.

    • Hyphenbird profile image

      Brenda Barnes 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

      Snakeslane, I thought I had overcome my Haiku urge but I think you have cause it to come back full force. sigh

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Hello Hyphenbird, what a sweet comment. Have a happy Haiku day (days). You make me smile, not so easy to do!

    • anglnwu profile image

      anglnwu 5 years ago

      Beautiful--your word choice is excellent and it sets me on a dreamy path--one of sublimal bliss. Totally brilliant and rating it up.

    • Senoritaa profile image

      Senoritaa 5 years ago

      Beautiful! Specially enjoyed "Last Snow"

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Your lovely comments give me subliminal bliss anglnwu!

      And yours too Senoritaa, thanks for reading my poems.

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 5 years ago from Reno NV

      You have tackled many different forms of poetry and you have been able to fit your words brilliantly in all of them. Keep it up! (Maybe so I can read them.) Voted up!

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi snakeslane, Sweet Dawn is my favourite, lovely haiku poetry, you've inspired me to have a go, thank you.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thank you jhamann. Sure nice of you to visit my Hubs today and leave encouraging words.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      I hope you catch the Haiku wave Movie Master. Thanks for visit.

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      good work, snakes. I enjoyed your Haiku!

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Nice PDXKaraokeGuy, thank you for saying so.

    • pennyofheaven profile image

      pennyofheaven 5 years ago from New Zealand

      Sweet, delicate and serene come to mind when I read your verses. Very beautiful.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thank you pennyofheaven, Haiku simplicity is rewarding.

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 5 years ago from London, UK

      Lovely Haiku - Thanks.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thank you Lady_E.

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      I see you caught the bug too

      All are lovely, I think I like Sweet Dawn best.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thanks Rosemay!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      you're quite welcome. Credit where credit is due

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thanks for visit PDX you got me reading them again, just when I was doubting my Haikuability, they are really nice aren't they (smiling smugly).

    • lilyfly profile image

      Lillian K. Staats 5 years ago from Wasilla, Alaska

      Now, this is ADMIRABLE! I LOVE to be able to say that, with no reservations! I am following you for this, and I can imagine much more for you, talented soul! Lily

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thank you thank you lilyfly! What a joy to read your comment!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      lol. they are. Glad I could be some help to you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Really beautiful work. My favorite was Last Snow---

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thank you AudreyHowitt, the 'Last Snow' Haiku was a gift. I was living on the top floor of an old Victorian house with lovely tall cherry trees all in pink bloom under my window. Then one morning I woke up to snow, it was magic, the cherry blossoms were dropping through the air as it snowed,an awesome sight.

    • profile image

      Derdriu 5 years ago

      Snakeslane, What generous, genial, gentle images are contained in your three concise, compact, succinct poems! In particular, I like the impacts of the preponderance of "p" in the second poem and of "f" in the third.

      Thank you for sharing, etc.,

      Derdriu

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      So nice to see you here, and read your lovely comments Derdriu, thank you very much.

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      Der does leave fantastic comments!

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      No kidding, I am overwhelmed. (In a good way)

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 5 years ago from Dallas, Texas

      These were incredibly beautiful, Snakeslane. Wow. Such imagery. I felt the wisp of wings in the light of the moon amid frog song.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thanks for visit to my frog pond Peg...each of these blessed moments really did happen to me, but finding the essence of that in words was a long process. Anyone who thinks making Haiku is simple is misinformed. I'm still working on the froggy night poem. I want to use the word 'rondelay', but haven't been able to find its precise meaning. I just like the sound of it, and how it fits. Thank you for your lovely comment.

    • Scarface1300 profile image

      Scarface1300 5 years ago

      Three delightful pieces. I am new to Haiku and have only recently published two and I find that it is a lovely way to express something. Voted Up and Awesome....Chris

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thanks Chris. Really appreciate the up and awesome.

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 5 years ago from America

      Very nice. Enjoyed your Haiku. Voted up.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Hello moonlake, thank you very much.

    • Docmo profile image

      Mohan Kumar 5 years ago from UK

      Fragrance falls heavy

      from a flower light as wings

      through sky night has fled...

      ahh.. Haiku is like a new flavours on our mental tastebuds each one an experience of excitement and experience, memory and magic. I love the way your words flow and conjure up an image, an emotion. I recently did some for Valentine's day and put them up in my hubs- Yours are true to the original spirit of Haiku - seasons& nature through well rendered snapshots. Awesome, indeed!

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thank you Docmo, I've always enjoyed reading traditional haiku poems, the apparent simplicity, conveying a moment in time, in nature with so few words. I am pleased you appreciate my efforts.

    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 5 years ago from Australia

      Magic little moments, each delicate and complete and providing instant imagery pleasure - just love 'Moons in the pond' and the 'japanese plum melt'!! Beautiful haiku, Snakeslane, my votes and best wishes and sharing.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Hi Ms Annie, thank you very much. I am reading these again with a critical eye. I can see a comma is missing in the first poem (after Dawn).

      And what if the second line is changed to Frogs singing a rondelay? The 'roundelay' may be more technically correct, I'm not sure.

      Then the next two poems are missing that aha moment of surprise, and I'm not sure how to make that happen. A haiku looks so simple, but it's maddening! I don't know if one is allowed to change a poem once it's been 'published', maybe not fair to you, dear reader, so I take my own critique under advisement, and try to do better next time. So nice to see you, and I am happy you enjoyed!

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 5 years ago

      Hello my friend, Lovely in every way..Dawn surely is my favorite time of day..

      Love,

      Sunnie

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Good morning Sunnie, so nice to see you. Thank you very much.

    • cat on a soapbox profile image

      Catherine Tally 5 years ago from Los Angeles

      Nicely done, Snakeslane! I especially enjoyed Last Snow.

    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 5 years ago from Australia

      I think you have captured more aha than you give yourself credit for, Snakeslane. Each of these haiku holds a piece of magic that is released upon reading and as Docmo has pointed out they are written in true Haiku spirit, something I am yet to master. I agree, it does look simple, oh but if only. I admire your skill with each these, they work their magic beautifully!!

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Thank you cat on a soapbox (love that name). Appreciate you reading and commenting.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Hi Fennelseed, thanks for coming back. You are so good for my morale! I won't change a thing, I promise.

    • profile image

      IntegrityYes 4 years ago

      Rock out hard tonight! That is totally awesome. COO! HEH-HEH! I voted up.

    • snakeslane profile image
      Author

      snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada

      Thank you Integrity Yes, Coo! to you too.

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