Funny Viral Animal Stories
Why Funny Animal Stories?
Over the years I have written many cute and funny little animal stories (like my Vicious Scheming Cockatoo story) which I gave to my friends and family who just adored them. I didn’t really realize why until I started to stumble across some of the funniest stories I had ever read on the internet. Some of them were fiction, some were nonfiction, some were antiquated, and some were new, but all featured animals prominently. Below I have listed some I have come across that have had me absolutely choked with laughter which I couldn’t help but share.
Squirrel Vs Biker – by Daniel Meyers
This story was sent to me in a forward years ago. At first I whined, “This e-mail is so looong, you don’t expect me to read the whole thing do you?!” And indeed the first four or five paragraphs move rather slowly but let me tell you the plot certainly picks up after that! It’s a story about a motorcyclist who finds himself in the fight of his life… with a squirrel. Not just any squirrel but a demonic squirrel of death! This story has everything you could ever want in a story, a demonic squirrel, a seemingly rough tough motorcyclist, two absolutely horrified cops, a chrome horse rearing out of control, and loads of colorful sarcasm.
Not convinced? Read this excerpt, “Now picture the large man on the huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very ragged torn t-shirt, and wearing one leather glove, roaring at probably 80mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel’s tail sticking out his mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.”
The Pig – Roald Dahl
Most of us remember Roald Dahl as the lovable children’s book author that wrote whimsical little stories like Charlie and Chocolate Factory, Matilda, and The Twits, but you can tell from reading any of those that his mind was… well… a bit off. This can really be seen in his poem The Pig. It’s a short one but an absolutely horrifying (and humorous) one. It’s about a very smart pig who realizes quite suddenly he’s about to become dinner… what comes next? Well only a mind like Roald Dahl’s could come up with an ending like this one!
Cat vs Garbage Disposal - Patti Schroeder
Cat vs Garbage Disposal also started its life out as a forwarded e-mail that was apparently so funny that it flew across the world and made the woman who penned the article fairly famous. It’s a true story that will both absolutely horrify you and make anyone laugh with nervous glee. Consider it a cautionary tale… The first paragraph can sum the whole thing up better then I ever could so here’s the excerpt:
“This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.”
The Mouse - Saki [H H Monroe]
This one’s an old one but a good one. I’ve adored Saki since I was a child because of his relentless observations of humanity and the witty ways he put them into words. This is a story that asks a very simply ridiculous question, what is a proper Victorian man to do if a mouse was to scurry up his pant legs while a woman is present?? This is for those with a refined, if not slightly cruel since of humor. The angst of this character is palpable, and the schemes he devises to get out of the situation are even more tensely amusing. I think this story has to be one of the most clever rubbernecking type stories I have ever read. You really can’t stop reading after awhile and the end is to die for. Though I must admit the beginning fo the story is oddly formatted with one huge paragraph, that’s livable though!
A Brief History of the Easter Bunny – Max Burbank
I came across this article rather accidentally. This is for all those with only the crudest sense of satirical humor. It’s probably the strangest historical account of the Easter Bunny you’ll ever come across and probably one of the funniest. I tried reading this to a friend one day and had to stop about halfway through because I was struck by near fatal attack of giggles. It’s absolutely terrible, twisted, dark, and funny. Also it’s suggested reading for diabolical heathens.
Fertile C Male - "Jim"
This is a story for fans of satire, seedy humor, and feline genetics. It involves a rare find in an unusual place... a bar. I find it amusing because being in the pet breeding community for so long you do eventually learn there are some really eccentric people breeding some insane critters out there. This story is no exception!