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Mother Goose on the Loose - Nursery Rhymes Extended

Updated on June 23, 2013

Mother Goose insulted?

Mother Goose on the Loose


I remember growing up with a big “Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes” book; it had quaint illustrations and cute little rhyming stories. I read the book over and over until the glue no longer held the binding together. I've taken the liberty of teaching my children as many nursery rhymes that I could remember. Now my children are not so little and I do not hear and see nursery rhymes floating around like I used to. Why would a child want to read a book of when they can play a video game? Perhaps the nursery rhymes just need a little sprucing up. While Mother Goose is on the loose I figured I'd take a whack at it!

He just wants a kiss

This ought to do

Georgie Porgie


Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry;

When the girls came out to play,

Georgie Porgie ran away.

He ran away before they would see.

Georgie needed to find a Plan B.

That Georgie Porgie could take some hints.

So he went and bought a case of Breath Mints!

Eeeeek!

Hickory, Dickory, Dock


Hickory Dickory Dock,

The mouse ran up the clock.

The clock struck one,

The mouse ran down.

Hickory Dickory Dock.


Hickory Dickory Dock,

The mouse ran up the clock.

The clock struck two,

And down he flew.

Hickory Dickory Dock.


Hickory Dickory Dock

The mouse ran up the clock.

The clock struck three

That rodent bit me!

So I shot him with my Glock!


So peaceful?

Not so peaceful!

Humpty Dumpty


Humpty Dumpty

Sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty

Had a great fall.

All the King's horses

And all the King's men

Couldn't put Humpty

Together again.

Humpty Dumpty

Lay there in pain

Broken, sad and blue

Needing not just a cane

But a whole lot of Crazy Glue!

Jack and Jill... on their way up

Jack and Jill... at the bottom

Jack and Jill


Jack and Jill went up the hill,

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down and broke his crown,

And Jill came tumbling after.

Jill got up and called Jack a klutz

And wiped the dirt off her knee.

Jack spoke up and said “I’m a klutz?”

At least I fell ‘cause you pushed me!

See Jack Jump?

See Jack burn?

Jack Be Nimble


Jack be nimble.

Jack be quick.

Jack jump over the candlestick.

Jack thinks he’s funny

Jack thinks he can jump

Jack wasn’t laughing

When he burned his rump!

How precious...

Umm? Ahem!!!

Little Boy Blue


Little boy blue,

Come blow your horn.

The sheep's in the meadow.

The cow's in the corn.

Where is the boy

Who looks after the sheep?

He’s under the haystack,

Fast asleep.

The sheep, they were eaten

The cows ran away

I think Little Boy Blue

Should stop smokin’ the hay!

This litte piggy went to the market.

...and this little piggy had an accident.

This Little Piggy


This little piggy went to market.

This little piggy stayed home.

This little piggy had roast beef.

This little piggy had none.

This little piggy went

“Wee, wee, wee”

All the way home!

And when he got there

He ran up the stairs

And grabbed him a pair

Of dry underwear!

Why do you suppose Jack is in the corner?

...for stickin' his hands in the pie!

Little Jack Horner


Little Jack Horner

Sat in the corner,

Eating a Christmas pie;

He put in his thumb,

And pulled out a plum,

And said 'What a good boy am I!”

Jack’s mother replied

With fire in her eyes

“That’s actually quite dumb!”

She got very mad

And asked Jack’s Dad;

“How the hell did you lose a whole plum?”

Seems like a sweet lady...

Here is another option...

They are more than happy to be used!
They are more than happy to be used!

Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe


There was an old woman

Who lived in a shoe.

She had so many children

She didn’t know what to do.

She gave them some broth

And a big slice of bread,

Kissed them all soundly,

And sent them to bed.

The old woman called me one day

And asked for advice

“Keeping your legs closed

Now that would be nice.”

It might have something to do with the sausage?

Rub-a-dub-dub


Rub-a-dub-dub

Three men in a tub.

Hey, who am I to judge?

Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Which Mother Goose Nursery Rhyme is your favorite?

See results

Disclaimer


These Nursery Rhymes may not be suitable for nursery-aged children despite the misleading name, but should be fine for kindergarteners.

Comments

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    • Ruby H Rose profile image

      Maree Michael Martin 4 years ago from Northwest Washington on an Island

      I am greedy, all of them, love your funny endings.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Thank you,W1totalk! I'm glad you can appreciate my wacky creativity! Thanks so much for stopping by!

      Cat

    • W1totalk profile image

      W1totalk 4 years ago

      This is one of those hubs that have both creativity and is fun. Great writing.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      Au fait,

      Aw, thanks... I'm truly honored (Between you and me, I know you're an awfully intelligent lady and I didn't know for sure if you'd appreciate my sense of humor... I'm relieved :-)

      I'm glad to hear you have a wicked sense of humor... I can definitely detect in your writing, at least from what I've seen, you have the sharp, witty, almost sarcastic kind of humor that I appreciate for more than the generic slapstick kind.

      Well, I make it a point not to swear, at least on here, but I have "pushed the envelope" with some of my hubs and I did have one person tell me they'd wash my mouth out with soap if I were their child... I could've cried... almost laughed... but really could've cried. In all fairness, they read another hub of mine and had nothing but wonderful things to say. :-)

      Thanks for stopping, it's always a pleasure!

      Cat

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 5 years ago from North Texas

      Of the nursery rhymes listed here, Humpty Dumpty, Jack Be Nimble, The Old Woman Who Lived In a Shoe, are my favorites in that order. Your sense of humor is almost as wicked as mine! (I wouldn't even dare print mine. ;)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      Kim,

      Thank you so much! I'm glad you found this enjoyable! I would like to do more, but I have since seen several versions floating around the internet; don't want to overdue it. Thanks again!

      Cat

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Oh what fun! Enjoyable read. Especially liked "Humpty Dumpty." Kim

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      vandynegl,

      Aw, thanks again! (You're going to make me feel guilty, I have about 3 of your hubs open in other tabs that I've been trying to get over to but you're pounding them out!)

      Dr. Seuss; I'd love to try my hand at some of those, that little one I did just kind of rolled out of my head, but I'm sure if I tried to make them happen I'd draw a complete blank! Something to work toward... :-)

      Thanks you!

      Cat

    • vandynegl profile image

      vandynegl 5 years ago from Ohio Valley

      Hi Cat! Love these! I had a hard time "voting" since there were three favorites! Do you have your version of famous Dr. Seuss rhymes like these too? I remember reading a short stint of Sam I Am from your other hub......just sayin...... :)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      My Dearest Colin,

      You are my tomcat and that name, what a mouthful... but I like it! Great minds do think alike, but I am convinced that your version of Mother Goose is much wittier than mine, though I am happy to have made you laugh 'til you peed ;-0

      Thank you for my daily dose of flattery, it is the best drug around!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      Well Cat you are making me purr here with delight - you must be the female Epi and I am (with much honor and tears of joy) the male

      CantuhearmescreamyouMotherfookers, lol.

      Wow great minds think alike because I wrote variations a while back (not here at the Hub) on Mother Goose too but I could not top what you did here - which made me pee my pants laughing and then scratch my underarms hysterically like a hyper Canadian monkey from outer space , lol

      Well Cat - what can I say - you're the hottest woman on the face of this planet because you always rock and roll me with your writing talent and good humor - and now I am off to sleep after night shift and I will take your Goose to bed with me and dream of your funny and satirical rhymes and count topless sheep jumping fences in my dreams doing table dances for me , lol , all courtesy of you, my great one - oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

      at lake erie time ontario canada 4:52am and Tiffy and Gabriel have been fed and no doubt I will be boxed in on my bed (their bed actually) by wall to wall pussy - cat.

      Love your work here though, you know how to make me hoot and howl.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      ExpectGreatThings,

      Aw, thanks. It's amazing what a little insomnia can do for a girl... or maybe not so amazing, depends who you ask. Nothing beats contributing to world peace and saving humanity! ;-)

      Thanks again!

    • ExpectGreatThings profile image

      ExpectGreatThings 5 years ago from Illinois

      You are hilarious!!! I loved these! Thanks for sharing your creativity. I will enjoy reading nursery rhymes so much more now :)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      mr-veg,

      Never! ;-)

    • mr-veg profile image

      mr-veg 5 years ago from Colorado United States

      Well Cat, when you make millions don't forget me :)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      Theater girl,

      Thank you!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      mr-veg,

      A copyright eh? Yes, perhaps I will make millions ;-)

    • Theater girl profile image

      Jennifer 5 years ago from New Jersey

      Gave me a laugh! very clever

    • mr-veg profile image

      mr-veg 5 years ago from Colorado United States

      well indeed and you would own the copyright for same :) That would be your time to make some good amount of money out of this ;)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      mr-veg,

      That would make for an interesting commercial wouldn't it? Thanks for stopping and thanks for the comments; always a pleasure!

    • mr-veg profile image

      mr-veg 5 years ago from Colorado United States

      ha ha ha.. nice one Cat, which part of your mind did you pull this from ? Looks like crazy glue can now use Humpty Dumpty for sales marketting :) and pig with a underwear :) Looks like you got your thinking in top gear tonight :D ....

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
      Author

      Cat 5 years ago from New York

      Thanks Billy!

      That nursery rhyme probably makes more sense today than it did when it was written ;-)

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL....3 Men In A Tub is now my all-time favorite nursery rhyme. Well done, Cat. Thanks for the late night laugh.

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