ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing

Murder was built to fit in with Practical Society

Updated on October 7, 2015


The first murder of the summer was reported through the hot line established by the police force. It was disturbing and it wasn't going to get any easier for Laura Kimber. She was looking for the address as she drove the opposite way just minutes before, and she didn't even recognize the city she was hired to protect. That day, everything looked different. Congress Street and I95 looked different. The buildings were lit up a dull gray and there were no views to the sides and I95 had no horizon ahead or onto the ramps. It was like passing through an endless nightmare, the sun was gone, but the heat was still streaming.

Kimber and four uniforms were the first on the scene. It just seemed nowadays that murder was built to fit in with practical society. Kimber wanted so much to disprove that, but the challenge was getting more difficult everyday.

One of the uniform's face flushed as his eyes darted around the basement. It was his first time witnessing a dead body. He felt he was up to it, but his stomach would beg to differ. Kimber frowned moving toward the lump on the floor covered in a dirty blanket. She bent down and pulled the blanket back from the corpse's head. She turned the head around to get a look at the face. Taking a deep breath, fighting the nausea that rose in her gut, she steadied herself as two of the uniforms turned away.

The woman's eyes were still open, and the passage of fear that had twisted her delicate features remained frozen in place. But what startled Kimber the most was the amount of damage done to her before or after she was killed. Most of her teeth were smashed out with a hammer, and her tongue shoved way back into her throat. Her neck was slit leaving a gaping slash, several inches long. Chunks of muscle or veins were popping out of the wound. It almost resembled canned dog food, but Kimber knew better.

Once again Kimber fought to control her churning stomach when she noticed a six inch nail hammered up her left nostril. The damage to the face alone was just overkill. It was needless, but the murderer wanted to send a message. That had to be the only reason for the overkill.

Kimber pulled the blanket further back, exposing a wound near the shoulder blades caused by the claw side of the hammer used for removing nails. All four of the uniforms threw up at the same time. Each load hitting the floor simultaneously.

Kimber just dry heaved, but kept everything down.

“Permission to wait for you outside,” asked one of the uniforms.

“Granted,” she replied and all four of the uniforms made a line for the door. She didn't blame them and wished she could have joined them, but she had business to conclude. She would throw up later in the privacy of her own bathroom.

Kimber was wondering why the hell did he do that much damage to that poor soul. She closed her eyes and was just imagining a dark stranger standing over the body shrouded in black. But in the glimmering light of the moon, his eyes glowed brightly from two holes in the blackness that concealed his features. He moved toward the victim and removed a hammer from the back side of his pants. He lifted the hammer up into the air and then his eyes finally fixing on Kimber...

“Laura,” Chambers called from the basement door snapping her out of her trance.

She stood up and moved away from the wrecked body and began flexing her knees. “The uniforms couldn't stand the heat.”

He nodded.

“This woman had no chance to survive her ordeal,” she whispered.

The sadness in Kimber's voice betrayed the truth. If a flash of hope had ever entered the victim, it would have vanished as quickly as it had come.

© 2015 Frank Atanacio

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 21 months ago from Shelton

      thank you so much manatita for reading my Kimber shorts..:)

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 21 months ago from london

      The first two lines here are truly artistic, creative. The rest fits but are awesome in their brutality:

      "The woman's eyes were still open, and the passage of fear that had twisted her delicate features remained frozen in place. But what startled Kimber the most was the amount of damage done to her before or after she was killed. Most of her teeth were smashed out with a hammer, and her tongue shoved way back into her throat. Her neck was slit leaving a gaping slash, several inches long. Chunks of muscle or veins were popping out of the wound. It almost resembled canned dog food, but Kimber knew better." - Frank Atanacio.

      "“Permission to wait for you outside,” This simple sentence fits so well in the context of the story!

      Another excellent and breath-taking, but chilling Hub. You're the master!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 24 months ago from Shelton

      Genna you are good for my ego..:) thank you

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 24 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Frank, you always give us a "we-are-there" imagery that is chilling and keeps us glued to the page. This is great writing, that seems to get better with each and every story. You are the undisputed master of this genre.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 24 months ago from Shelton

      thanks for stopping by avian :)

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      I could see the events unfold as I read them. Captivating.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thanks so much Eric for your comment and kind words.. bless you my friend :)

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Ah crap Frank. I did a little time defending two capital murderers and spent some time on the mean streets of death in O'side CA. First on scene has a toll. Death is not neat. Rude, frank and honest it brutalizes a soul into the core. Most homicide is disgusting but some strikes you in the gut and beyond.

      All that to say you did a great job here. We are sometimes really wrongful people. Best to have good men like you remind us. It is not a news clip at 10. It is mangled flesh, hearts and life.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Hey dear Faith, bless you and thanks for allowing me to take you right into the gruesome, stomach churning scene..:)

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Certainly one tough job Kimber has there in dealing with all those who commit such heinous crimes against women, especially knowing it is that those who do so have serious mommy issues. Guess Psychiatrists are falling down on their jobs (if they were sought out in the first place?) or mommies need to stop damaging their sons ...but there are always bad apples regardless. Usually when men are killed, it is gang or drug related, except when the mob is involved, then their killings are just as gruesome towards men.

      Your writing leaves no detail for our imagination, so to take us right into the gruesome, stomach-churning scene. Thanks for that : )

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Flourish thank you :)

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      Frank, you had me with that nail up the nostril. Great freaking detail.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      yes it is my friend, thanks smiles for checking out Kimber's shorts

    • profile image

      Smilealot 2 years ago

      How crushing it must be to join a profession because you want to stop crime, but find you are all too often just witnessing the aftermath. Well written Frank, another Kimber classic :-))

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you Dana for reading my Kimber shorts

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 2 years ago from LOS ANGELES

      Very gruesome and descriptive, sick and twisted. I have a whole new respect for homicide detectives. I couldn't imagine having a job like that and still hold the contents of my stomach; but I'm sure they get used to it.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Tillsontitan, thank you for always reading my Kimber shorts.. bless you

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Thank you so much pstraubie46 for reading my flash and thank you fpheri46.. thanks for making me laugh :) Frank bless you guys

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 2 years ago from New York

      Even writing about this horrific death must have been difficult. Your descriptions are do darn real! What would that town do without our wonderful Laura? As always my friend, top notch.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Frank.....How could anyone not be thrilled & grateful to start their day off with such a bright & cheerful story?? I especially enjoyed the "chunks of muscle or vein,"........looks like my dog isn't eating today.

      Do you feel better now that you lived out your fantasies in your fabulously talented writing? Was it something she said?.....Peace. Paula

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 2 years ago from sunny Florida

      Frank

      You hooked me at the beginning and I had to read on....you have such a talent for making me feel as though I am witnessing what the characters do...

      Angels are on the way to you this morning ps

      shared g+ tweeted pinned to Awesome HubPages.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Jodah thanks for stopping by and appreciating L.K

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Chilling stuff Frank, and gruesome too. Excuse me, I'll wait outside too. That Laura Kimber is one tough cop.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thanks for stopping by Billybuc.. bless you

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I'm pretty sure I would have joined the uniforms outside. It's much easier to write about it than to live it. :) Great story, Frank.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you always exploring bless you

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Talk about overkill! That poor woman. I hope you write a climax to this chilling story. I ' gotta know who and why. A great piece of writing Frank..

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Ruchira, good to see you.. thanks for stopping by :) Frank

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 2 years ago from United States

      Gosh! that was riveting, Frank.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      I think I do it with my eyes closed MsDora... Thanks for reading my Kimber short

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      It was difficult not to leave with the uniforms, but I couldn't leave Kimber there alone. How do you do it Frank?

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
      Author

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Thank you Annart, hope that's true.. Bless you for taking the time out and reading my flash.. and thank you Jive Clive for stopping by

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      nail to the nostril.....sweeet frank

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 2 years ago from SW England

      You have a knack of holding our attention; I think I stopped breathing! Your scenes are always so palpable.

      That job of Laura's is enough to give anyone nightmares for a lifetime, let alone a few seconds!

      Great story.

      Ann