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My Computer Doesn't Like Me

Updated on April 15, 2012

I Wonder If It Is Personal

Each day I go on my computer and I type

Most of the time I am in a hurry and try to type fast

My thoughts come in my head and go out a hole I didn't see

So the more I type the less I seem to forget

So that is when my challange begins

Then I wonder if my computer feels my pain

Sometimes it stops typing and then I type and type and nothing comes out

Then all of a sudden three words at once

Like a word sramble that I have to figure out where one word starts and the other word ends

If that is not enough some days I just type mixing up letters and leaving out vowels

So it should be nothing new to me

Other times my computer freezes up and laughs back at me

I am not working and nothing you say or do is going to change my mind

So here it is I talk to the light blue screen that never says a word

But I have a full conversation and I don't know when to stop

My wife will come into the room and see me typing away

Who are you talking to?

I say why was I bothering you ?

No I was just wondering ?

I was talking to the cat

My quick aliby

Thats funny the cat was sitting next to me

Oh I thought the cat was still here

I have to stay with the same story or she will think I am nuts

She says o.k. and I know she doesn't believe a word I say

But she will leave a shadow of doubt ???

Then scratches her head as she walks away

Now where was I ?

So I look at my computer screen for help

I type a few more words in finally I have a few more lines and almost a page

If I type into a paragraph I see too many errors at once

My ego can't take it

So by typing double spaced the lines disappear until I proof read it a dozen times

To make it better and hit print

I don't believe in spell check because then I will never learn

I will just look for one more button to push and then all is done

I once try to eat lunch and type inbetween bites

The keys got all sticky and lesson learned

What seemed like a good idea was not and soon my key board was acting up

I can't blame it really

Who would want food where fingers should be ?

I wonder if thats when someone invented finger foods?

I may never know

Well my computer sees all my thoughts good and bad

I make corrections and changes to make things better

What if the computer thinks like me

It remembers everything I ever wrote

All my ideas and holds a grudge

It knows my thoughts better than me

It hears me say I want another computer with more memory

It knows if that day comes this computer will be junk and thrown in the trash

So why not torture me every day in every way possible

Making my day a living hell

It can have the last laugh even though I say it is only a computer

I turn it on in the morning and shut it down when nothing works

Shut it off to give it a rest

Talk to it and my wife says all kinds of nasty stuff

Could you be any slower

What is wrong with you

I just want to type is that too much to ask

She makes those angry faces I don't dare to repeat

Where her eyes pop out of their socket and she looks like she is eating her tongue

I try to calm her down which doesn't work

I just leave and leave the computer and my wife alone

So when an error messages come up on the bottom of the screen

Viruses detected and quarantined

I thank you

I am sorry when I leave you with my wife

It is her computer though and without her you would be still in the store

I have to be fair she loved you alot when we first bought you and as time rolled on

Less and less

Not that you haven't been a great help

You have

I will try to keep you long as we can you have my word

I will be more gentle on the keys

I will talk about nice things and times we have had

I will try to forget the bad and when your mouse didn't work

A few power failures were not my fault

It has been three years and we even put little stickers on your monitor to make you more friendly

The desk may be cluttered with a little too much stuff

The dust could be wiped off more often and the cat loves you more than me

Rubbing her head against your monitor like you are best friends

Laying down infront of you at any time of day

Nocking over the speakers to the floor

Crawling under your wires and attacking only a few

I stopped her from eating them all like one big cat chew

She ocasionally claws you without reason

I spray her with water and say bad kitty

When the day is over I can't wait to see you light up

With all the sites and places I love to go

You and I both know the HubPages is my favorite site and without you I am out of luck

So I might have to kiss up

You are the Greatest invention known to man

I layed it on heavy and you know I exaggerated

But I could of sworn my computer screen was blushing

Or is it acting up once again

Every day is filled with words and pictures you make possible

Your color is vibrant and clear

I think your the best computer and I will keep you until next year


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    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 5 years ago

      Dim Flaxenwick Now my cat wants my computer chair too.I am trying to work out a deal half the day you have the computer(when I am at work) and a few hours I have the computer in peace.She doesn't like the deal.I have to sweeten it with a few cat treats and maybe she will change her cat attitude.She is thinking about it.Have a great day.

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 5 years ago from Great Britain

      ,Oh my gosh this was so clever and so funny.

      I love how you think and write it all down, well type it I mean, even if occassionally with sticky fingers.

      Cats are wonderful but so bossy aren´t they?. I mean what´s wrong with the cat basket, or the sofa,? Why do they like the flipping keyboard.????