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My Computer Is A Real Son Of A Witch

Updated on October 7, 2011

Has This Ever Happened To You ?

When your computer goes slower than a turtle on cold medicine

Your screen freezes up and has no plans of moving no matter what key you hit

You type certain keys and they take their sweet time typing long after you are done

So the same line I typed looks like this

You type certain keys and they take their sweet time typing long after you are done

Ofcourse it came out perfect

The computer is trying to make me look foolish

Well I don't need any help from te computer to do that

I will catch the computer by surprise and then I will show you later on

My wife complains but I find it amusing

I like to think I am paying to watch a standup comedian actually a sit down one

That might be a good act for those talented people out there

A comedian who does their whole act behind a computer sitting at his or her desk

Well if you see it somewhere let me know because I want credit for thinking of the funny idea first

Especially when we all seem to spend so much time typing behind the computer

Will the real person behind the computer please stand up

You get it stand up like in stand up comedy

O.k. this is one of those times that I am the only one laughing

A friend once told me you can't laugh at your own jokes or tell me it is funny

I will let you know and it is not funny

Now that is funny

Well I got side tracked there for a minute but I am back on track

I have heard that computers get outdated as soon as you buy them

Then soon you will have to buy another outdated computer trying to keep up with this crazy world we live in

Well my computer is a few years old and I refuse to buy a new one

I hear my fathers words if it isn't broke don't fix it

But he never mentioned if it works only half the time

Kind of half broke what do you do then ???

He would probably of said throw the damn thing out !!!

Buy a new one instead of whinning about it

Or what are you complaining about now

You are never happy

When I was a kid we had pen and paper

The quill pen that you had to dip your pen in the ink

You wouldn't of known that because you are too busy with todays technology

Learning something new instead of learning the basics

If you learned your history you would of been better off

You know what is good about sitting on this computer

Rubbing my socked feet against the bottom of the office chair frame

Ahhh that feels so good my own foot massage

Well l left a bit to pat and play with the cats

I would say one cat and one kitten

But my wife insists now that our kitten is a cat

Since she is one and in cat years that is 7 years old and not a kitten anymore

How can one year make a kitten turn into a cat ?

I could see if you said 5 years o.k.

She insists that 5 years would make the cat in the thirties

How do veternarians even know these things ?

Maybe cats don't live long and they only live till their nineteen

That doesn't mean they age faster that just means they die young

I feel sorry for those poor cats

What if they did live long as people

That would be weird

We would have an over abundance of cats

Hi this is my uncles cat he passed away ten years ago

This is my mothers cat she died young

This is my fathers cat he bought her after my mother but lived just a little longer than her

This is my grandfathers cat he and his cat are alive and well he didn't want that damn cat anymore

He swears it only liked your grandmother and is out to kill him

Well I can't seem to find the computer acting up and so I have nothing to complain about

My father would then say see I exagerated the truth or made the whole story up for attention

I think it is the memory in the computer

Even though I have upgraded it and cleaned out the cookies

There I go again exaggerating

A neighbor upgraded my computer because I didn't know how

There I go gain

Did you see it I tyed in the word agan and it came up again

It happened again

I really did type in each letter and it just didn't type

What I was trying to say is this is my wifes computer and I just borrow it every day

I have a laptop that works slower than this

So now you know why I am here

But why are you here ?

To read something good and walk away with some new found knowledge

Nope not happening

Maybe just to get a laugh to carry you through the rough spots in life

Yeah thats it like using shout on your clothes to take the stains out

Use the liquid kind my wife says the rub on stick kind does't work

No that wasn't the computers fault it was me I messed up

Liike who was going to know

What are there eyes on the computer to tell you when I tell you the truth or not

Why not ?

Big brother is everywhere else watching you

I hope someone is watching me so then I feel I wasn't alone typing this

Well I hope you leave with one more smile than when you first arrived two hours ago

Well that is how long I have been typing this not neccesarily how long it took you to read this

God if it took you two hours to read this my computer is faster than you and you made me feel like I have a new computer and you are bringing back all the feelings and excitement of when we just got her

I said her because I say him for everything else

Can you imagine picking out his or her computers

Personalized for a man or a woman

Well that's an idea for another day

My wife wants to use the computer

My wife wants to use her computer

See there already is a his and her computer

A good marketing team for Apple should get right on that

I for one am going to miss Steve Jobs

I listened to him a few times and admire the ambition and his creative edge

More people should test and develop and create their own ideas and bring the world new inventions that make the world a better place


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    • DREAM ON profile imageAUTHOR

      DREAM ON 

      7 years ago

      Dim Flaxenwick I am so glad you enjoyed my stories.I have tried everything for my computer to like me.I talk to it nice in the morning and the I give it flowers on weekends.So far my computer has been nice to me.Have a great day.

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 

      7 years ago from Great Britain

      Oh! BOY!!! You had me laughing from beginning to end here. Just had to rate it up, funny and awesome!!

      l thought l was the only person with a computer that leaves out letters when l know darned well i´ve typed them.

      As for the cat aging proccess., laughed till l cryed.

      My 17yr old cat should still be with me, according to me, others said she was old. l miss her so much, still l have hubby.

      Thanks so much for one of your greatest hubs.

    • DREAM ON profile imageAUTHOR

      DREAM ON 

      7 years ago

      WD Curry111 You know me better than I know me.Thanx so much and I will find some way to turn this computer into a lightning fast dream machine.

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 

      7 years ago from Space Coast

      It is simple, I understand. You are a right brained genius blowing off some steam!

    • DREAM ON profile imageAUTHOR

      DREAM ON 

      7 years ago

      bell du jour Your name puts me in a different world and in a different time.I think my computer is humoring me and waiting for the right moment to try something new.I am sure it has another trick up its wire.Movie Master I love people that laugh and people who love people who help others.You are at the tippity top.Eiddwen When I see two smiling faces looking back at me I know it's you.It is so nice to see everyone on the computer and sharing technology and the little computer errors that can't be avoided or (at least by me)Have a great night!!

    • Eiddwen profile image


      7 years ago from Wales

      A brilliant hub and here's to many more to follow.

      I love all your hubs so carry on writing so that I can carry on reading.

      Take care


    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 

      7 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hi Dream On, You have made me laugh!

      On a more serious note that Steve Jobs certainly knew how to launch a product!

      Take care, best wishes MM

    • bell du jour profile image

      bell du jour 

      7 years ago from Ireland

      Very funny poem Dream on:-) It certainly made me smile. I had the same trouble with my laptop last night so I know how you feel. Hope your computer is behaving itself now.

      best wishes

      Bell du jour


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