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My Fear

Updated on November 16, 2016

My feet swayed and the floor started to give way. Just then I felt two hands grab me and pushed me towards a chair. There were three girls standing infront of me and I could just make out my best friend's face.

What's wrong with you, they all said at once.

but that was what I just asked myself.

I think I need a bottle of chilled water, I announced.

Are you sure that's all, Shade replied as Tolu ran to get the water while others looked with concern, I'm so loved I thought to myself.

Here I was sitting down with my friends all staring at me as I wondered if I should tell them my suspicion. Maybe I should so I opened my mouth and declared

I'm just a little dizzy

What!!! they all screamed at once. Just then Tolu came with the water and I gratefully collected it and poured a little on my face. As soon as I covered the bottle the questions started flying till they all became a buzzing sound in my aching head.

Is it just starting?

Have you eaten this morning?

Do you have appetite?

Are you nauseous?

Do you want to throw up?

Do you feel weak?

They all kept asking while I kept quite and just stared ahead.

It was Tolu who came to my rescue from the amateur doctors.

You guys should leave her alone, she told them before turning to me and saying

Cheer up dear, you are not a baby and you are not going to your father's house, you still have to cook when you get home no matter how you are feeling.

Oh God, Tolu was right. I am a married woman now and I have responsibilities.

Do you want to go to the hospital, Shade asked. You need to get some test done

My heart jumped to my chest at that word and I screamed

No, No test. I think it's malaria.

My friends all laughed, they won't treat you without testing you. Don't be a baby you are a grown woman they said.

No this just can't be , I thought aloud running my fingers through my hair.

Call your sister and tell her how you are feeling. She should be able to tell you if you need to go to the hospital or just go home to rest, Tolu whispered into my ears. I could hear the sarcasm in her voice.

No,, my word sounded so distant for I was far away in the past not long ago.

My thought had gone back to that impeccable night, it was flawless. As every layer of clothing departed the body and fell on the rug. The candlelight danced around as my naked skin glowed like pure diamond. My heart raced, almost flying out of my chest as his soothing words told me not to be afraid. He could feel the fear dripping from my pores. I was terrified that I would not be good enough and he would be disappointed with my inexperience and ignorance. I was startled by what I was feeling as he planted kisses on every part of my body and I became even more afraid that I wouldnt be able to make him feel anything close to what I was feeling. I was petrified that he would hate me in the morning but at the end it was all perfect.

All perfect, when I say perfect I mean from the beginning where we both raced to get each other out of the barrier called cloths, to the intimate touches, trying to feel every glorious part uncovered to the kisses and the affectionate bites. We so much wanted to be one body and not two, we wanted to melt and become a mass of flesh and bone.
Then to the receiving and giving, you know what that means, that was when I panicked, I wanted him so much but I was scared. I had heard many gloomy stories of blood and pain that lasted weeks. I became rigid and only relaxed when his sweet voice told me it's all okay. He came in slow and I felt sharp pain like a knife cutting through me. I cried out and he stifled my cry with a kiss. After came the rhyme that took us off into the cloud and I need not tell you more before I get the ladies wet and the guys all standing.

Tolu tapped me on the shoulder and handed me my phone. When I heard my husband say "hey angel" on the other side, I thought to myself "why was I so scared on my wedding night almost as scared as I 'm of finding out that I may be with a child right.


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    • fiksy02 profile imageAUTHOR

      Fikayo Balogun 

      8 years ago from London

      thank SEM Pro. glad you like this one

    • SEM Pro profile image

      SEM Pro 

      8 years ago from North America

      Captivating and very well written fiksy! Enjoyed it thoroughly :)

    • fiksy02 profile imageAUTHOR

      Fikayo Balogun 

      8 years ago from London

      thanks loveofnight. Glad u like it

    • loveofnight profile image


      8 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

      awsome, a definite page held my attention.


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