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My Punishment

Updated on March 18, 2013

I miss you every day

And I wish with all my heart there was a way

A way to make you see

Just what you have done for me

You have made me see all the ways I can be strong

Even when it seems everything keeps going wrong

But if you were to sift though the cobwebs of my twisted mind

There are things there no one wants to find

Compared to others, I have no sad sob story, for heaven's sake

So why then are there these feelings I can't shake?

The sadness, the loneliness, the emptiness there

All that tell me in the end no one really cares

There is a faith that keeps hope alive

Telling me these thoughts, they are simply lies

But, like a fool, I see mto sabotage good things, both big and small

As if to prove to myself that I really am not worth it after all

And it seems to me, I really do isolate myself in a way

Because I always somehow drive those that I hold close away

For that, I can only say my thoughts and actions are unwise

Many times over and over to you I apologize

I told you once that I tend to drive people away

And you said, "I am still here, so what does that say?"

I wish I had just accepted then that I had a friend to stay

Why, oh why, do I punish myself this way?

© 2013 Shannon


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      Vincent Moore 4 years ago

      Your piece is an expression of how you feel inside, ones soul opens up from time to time as does most poets. I know the doubts and fears and even anger one feels by being hurt. I was so confused as a young boy and teen and even into adulthood. I carried much baggage throughout my life from my past. I've survived to write about them in my poetry. You must keep writing and expressing yoruself, let it all out, its a release that most of us need to do. Thank you for sharing this, I'm sure personal piece. Voted up and shared.

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 4 years ago from Texas

      Thank you so much. I have not actually written like this in a long time, but it has caused me to look back on things written over a decade ago. I am thinking of posting some of them as well. They were written when I was in a similar state of mind.

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      dreamseeker2 4 years ago

      It is always good to step back and look at things you might regret or feel sorry about. It shows you have a heart, and wish to make things right. Venting through poems is a great way to release the anxiety caused by such feelings. Very good poem! Voted it up! : )

    • blaise25 profile image

      Fehl Dungo 4 years ago from close to you...

      Very well written. It expressed the love, care, longing and regret in the past. I wish you sunshine and beautiful days ahead. I hope you let to love yourself more. You are beautiful and you write amazing hubs here that are always so heartfelt. Hoping to read more from you. Have a fantastic day!

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 4 years ago from Texas

      Thank you, blaise25. I don't think it is a matter of not loving myself so much as trying to figure out why I push some people away and why the sadness is there. But, I'v recently discovered atypical depression, which explains a lot.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Beautiful poetry! full of unanswered questions, we all have them from time to time. Writing helps to get it all out there. Thank you for sharing..

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 4 years ago from Texas

      You're welcome. So glad you liked it. :)

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