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My Wooden Leg and My Right-Handed Hook
When life throws you lemons, instead of making lemonade, turn on the boom-box!
I was a pirate on a ship about five months ago. I had a map, a wooden leg, and everything else that an efficient pirate needs. I even wore a hook at the end of my right hand. (I am left-handed, and therefore, I needed my left hand for signing important documents, such as The Clearinghouse Sweepstakes’ Contest), and such, just in case of the unlikely event, that I might not have found the buried treasure chest. AARRGH!
I liked how when I walked around, my wooden leg made that ‘thump, thump’ noise on the ship’s deck. I would even listen to disco music on my portable boom-box, so I could do my dance moves, and hear my wooden-leg knock against the deck, at an extremely fast rhythm. The first two falls I had, loosened my two front teeth, but it was that third fall which finally knocked them out completely. I was still able to keep to my seafood diet, though, since fish is not crunchy.
Being a pirate had always been a long-term career goal ever since I was old enough to start envisioning dreams for myself. I imagined being out in the deep blue ocean, among the fishes, and slick black dolphins, (and, maybe even a mermaid, or two!), sailing on the untamed currents of the ocean. I would have a shiny, laminated, oak wood ship, with a huge azure-colored sail! My ship would look smallish on the outside, which would subtly conceal the lavish living quarters, in which I would find some comfort from the harsh weather conditions, at times.
Upon opening the little ship's front door, the inside would boast of a lovely living room with a royal-blue, plush Lazy-Boy reclining chair, which would sit in front of the solar-powered TV set. There would be a dining room, with a crystal chandelier hanging over its table, a bathroom, of course, and a bedroom decorated with purple curtains over the windows. I would have a bunk bed in which I could put all my stuffed animals on the bottom part, and I would sleep on the top of it! Of course, even with all my visions and dreams of being a pirate, I never imagined that I would lose my left eye!
Thus, the patch on my left eye came about due to an injury I sustained because of my forgetting that I am ambidextrous, and therefore, I used my right hand (the one with the metal hook on it) to scratch my left eye. This happened due to itching, brought about by a rare incident in which there was pollen in the air that day. I will leave out the gory details, but it was not a pretty sight.
Have you ever heard the sound of a wooden leg frantically hitting the ship’s wooden deck, while at the same time, listening to the sound of your own eyeball rolling around in unison, to the movements of the ship? I turned back on the disco music because I thought it all had very good rhythm, together. Anyway, this is just a small recap of my secret life as a pirate. Perhaps someday, I will tell you more about my adventures at sea. I must put the pen to rest now, though, as my good eye is becoming weary from overuse.
Tamara Yancosky Moore
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© 2017 Tamara Yancosky