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My Wooden Leg and My Right-Handed Hook

Updated on July 23, 2017
Tamara Moore profile image

Whimsical, happy, spiritual, informative, and/or nonsensical singsong lyrical poems, metaphors, prose, rhymes, and short stories.

Pirate Ship

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When life throws you lemons, instead of making lemonade, turn on the boom-box!

Buried Treasure


I was a pirate on a ship about five months ago. I had a map, a wooden leg, and everything else that an efficient pirate needs. I even wore a hook at the end of my right hand. (I am left-handed, and therefore, I needed my left hand for signing important documents, such as The Clearinghouse Sweepstakes’ Contest), and such, just in case of the unlikely event, that I might not have found the buried treasure chest. AARRGH!



Seafood Diet


I liked how when I walked around, my wooden leg made that ‘thump, thump’ noise on the ship’s deck. I would even listen to disco music on my portable boom-box, so I could do my dance moves, and hear my wooden-leg knock against the deck, at an extremely fast rhythm. The first two falls I had, loosened my two front teeth, but it was that third fall which finally knocked them out completely. I was still able to keep to my seafood diet, though, since fish is not crunchy.

Weather Conditions


Being a pirate had always been a long-term career goal ever since I was old enough to start envisioning dreams for myself. I imagined being out in the deep blue ocean, among the fishes, and slick black dolphins, (and, maybe even a mermaid, or two!), sailing on the untamed currents of the ocean. I would have a shiny, laminated, oak wood ship, with a huge azure-colored sail! My ship would look smallish on the outside, which would subtly conceal the lavish living quarters, in which I would find some comfort from the harsh weather conditions, at times.


Ship

Source

Aye-Aye!


Upon opening the little ship's front door, the inside would boast of a lovely living room with a royal-blue, plush Lazy-Boy reclining chair, which would sit in front of the solar-powered TV set. There would be a dining room, with a crystal chandelier hanging over its table, a bathroom, of course, and a bedroom decorated with purple curtains over the windows. I would have a bunk bed in which I could put all my stuffed animals on the bottom part, and I would sleep on the top of it! Of course, even with all my visions and dreams of being a pirate, I never imagined that I would lose my left eye!

Loss


Thus, the patch on my left eye came about due to an injury I sustained because of my forgetting that I am ambidextrous, and therefore, I used my right hand (the one with the metal hook on it) to scratch my left eye. This happened due to itching, brought about by a rare incident in which there was pollen in the air that day. I will leave out the gory details, but it was not a pretty sight.


Rhythm


Have you ever heard the sound of a wooden leg frantically hitting the ship’s wooden deck, while at the same time, listening to the sound of your own eyeball rolling around in unison, to the movements of the ship? I turned back on the disco music because I thought it all had very good rhythm, together. Anyway, this is just a small recap of my secret life as a pirate. Perhaps someday, I will tell you more about my adventures at sea. I must put the pen to rest now, though, as my good eye is becoming weary from overuse.


Tamara Yancosky Moore

Patch

My loss of my eye happened while being a pirate.
My loss of my eye happened while being a pirate. | Source

What's Your Secret?

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Top 10 Notorious Female Pirates in History

Female Pirate

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© 2017 Tamara Yancosky

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    • Tamara Moore profile image
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      Tamara Yancosky 2 months ago from No Idea Where

      This is why I chose a career in this particular field, Galaxy, was for the Chocolate. But, sadly. I got fired for eating all of Mr. Wonka's profits. It was the chocolate dripping down my chin that must've given me away :-(

      Warm Hugs,

      Tamara

    • GalaxyRat profile image

      GalaxyRat 2 months ago from The Crazy Rat Lady's House

      Cool! :D You must've gotten to eat lots of chocolate...LOL.

    • Tamara Moore profile image
      Author

      Tamara Yancosky 2 months ago from No Idea Where

    • Tamara Moore profile image
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      Tamara Yancosky 2 months ago from No Idea Where

      Ha ha ha....this has me laughing, Galaxy! LOL...LOL...

    • GalaxyRat profile image

      GalaxyRat 2 months ago from The Crazy Rat Lady's House

      LOL! The people who looked into my theory were like you, and they thought I was crazy! They said, "Miss Gal-a-a-xay, this theor-ay cannot be tak-a-en into account! It's TOO CUTE!" And that's when I decided that the past is boring.

      You can see me in history books. The girl beside Einstein when he was younger is me. :D Most people mistake that for his wife, when it was me... but later on, to cover me up, they photoshopped his wife in there.

    • Tamara Moore profile image
      Author

      Tamara Yancosky 2 months ago from No Idea Where

      Oh, you too?? I think I saw you out in the ocean when I was a pirate, and you were a mermaid!

      I also was once a magnet, and clung to a rich family's refrigerator door. I got super bored hanging out with rich people, and decided to become a volcano. This way, whenever I got angry, I would just erupt.

      It must have been cool being a fox, Galaxy, and also a mathematician. I was never very equipped to handle math; I stuck to recess. I enjoyed that best! LOL..

    • GalaxyRat profile image

      GalaxyRat 2 months ago from The Crazy Rat Lady's House

      Haha! Yes, I have had many secret lives... once I was a mermaid to avoid a volcano that happened in Pompeii! OMG- secret's out- I have a time machine.

      Well, better not stop now. In the Great Depression, an evil witch turned me into a fox and I was able to prey on all those scraps thrown out. And I hunted mice. Best life ever.

      But that's not all! I also became a mathematician during Albert Einstein's life time. We competed to see who could come up with the best theory (science, math, English). He came up with E=MC2. I came up with an experiment that would turn bunnies and rats and dogs into cuteness! He won.

      Well, you see my theory today... it's animal manga. :)

      Anyway, I loved this! Very funny!

    • Tamara Moore profile image
      Author

      Tamara Yancosky 4 months ago from No Idea Where

      My pleasure, Terrie :-) I am honored to have your company! Sorry, I'm a bit late in replying; I was out, at sea, checking out my "old hunting grounds"... It seems that some chipmunks had made their home in my former ship :-) Oh, I let them stay...haha

      Hugs,

      Tamara

    • Terrielynn1 profile image

      Terrie Lynn 4 months ago from Canada

      I enjoyed reading your life as a pirate. Thank you.

    • Tamara Moore profile image
      Author

      Tamara Yancosky 5 months ago from No Idea Where

      BlueGloves,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to give me this valuable feedback! It means so much to me. I am on my way to go and fix my errors, right now!

      Again, Thank You :-)

      Tamara

    • BlueGloves profile image

      BlueGloves 5 months ago

      Hi

      Well written and fun to read

      But why did you use square Parentheses instead of circle Parentheses (just curious)?

      and your last sentence: "together]. AARRGH!" doesn't have a opening square Parentheses. From "I used my right hand -[the one with the metal hook on it]- " I think you can delete the dashes (I don't think they are needed) and there is a typo "IAnyway" (if it is not I'm sorry)

      But I really did like your piece and the pictures are awesome

    • Tamara Moore profile image
      Author

      Tamara Yancosky 5 months ago from No Idea Where

      Awwe, thank you Manatita44 :-) Waking up to your lovely comments has been like waking up on Christmas Day! What a great joy!

      More Hugs,

      Tamara

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 5 months ago from london

      Sweet and childlike. Cool!

    • Tamara Moore profile image
      Author

      Tamara Yancosky 5 months ago from No Idea Where

      Sometimes I have dreams that I am inside the very depths of the ocean, but even though I can see everything, I am within a clear capsule, of some kind, protected. It's fascinating because I can see all the danger all around me, but again. I am fully sealed and no harm can come to me.

    • Jay C OBrien profile image

      Jay C OBrien 5 months ago from Houston, TX USA

      At one time I had the idea of living in a submarine to avoid climatic changes, the zombies, and asteroids. Later I came to realize that if I were a stateless pirate I would not have to pay Taxes. But alas, submarines are expensive, even the little ones.