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My Toilet Adventures

Updated on December 11, 2016

I can tell you this much, when I sit on the Throne in my home I am king
My mind wonders off into far away lands, tackling man eating caterpillars and pigs with wings
Many times I have been transformed into a Knight that tried to slew the Dragon
But somehow I never save the damsel in distress, the beast always taught me a lesson
I remember one day I had a terrible cramp in my gut
almost like some one had taken a machete and gave me a C Section cut
I was stuck in traffic, but was just fifteen minutes away from home
I nearly passed out thinking about my throne
I could not take it anymore, I broke a couple traffic laws and made mayhem on the streets
If I did not do this I knew I would have a messy car seat
On reaching home, I bust open the the front door while the pain kept me wrenched
I flew to the throne room to let out all of my sins
But a monster inside tried hard not to let them out,
so I drew my sword, I fought and I Shout

It gave me several punches to the stomach which made me yell
I almost surrendered and allowed it to drag me to hell
But the powers that be gave me strength to overcome
I made one last push and gave it a flung
It surrendered and began go down
Now that the beast has been slew I now feel at ease
Like Tonnes off me have been lifted, all it took was a little push and squeeze.

But one bright Sunday morning while I was about to head to the tennis court
I began to have this urge, don't know if it was the sweet and sour pork
I felt some horrible cramps as I head to the confession room
But then a little creature swooped passed my feet and blocked the door with a broom
"What the hell are you? get out of my way I need to go in."
"Not before you answer this riddle", he said with a grin.
"Now tell me my constipated friend,"
"The answer to this riddle and I won't bother you again"
"What is brown and sticky?"
"A stick you moron, now out of my way"
I gave the troll a kick and he flew into the air
Now I was free to enter my throne fair and square

These are the madness I have to face whenever I decide to go
When all I really want to do is to let out what is within so it can flow below.


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    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      23 months ago from Jamaica

      hello Jodah....glad you enjoyed it

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      23 months ago from Jamaica

      Hey there ruby, glad I made my far away friend laugh.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      23 months ago from Queensland Australia

      This gave me a good laugh for this morning, Clive. I try never to dally long in the throne and out lickety split (most times.)

    • clivewilliams profile imageAUTHOR

      Clive Williams 

      23 months ago from Jamaica

      Hey Eric...have a good one

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      23 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I'm cracking up sitting here thinking about something brown and sticky. You are so funny with your off-beat rants. I must admit I've been there! lol...

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      23 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Well you are a better man than I Gunga Din. For it is incumbent upon me to break it up so the plumbing can deal with it. We love poopoo laughter around here.


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