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My Toilet Adventures

Updated on December 11, 2016

I can tell you this much, when I sit on the Throne in my home I am king
My mind wonders off into far away lands, tackling man eating caterpillars and pigs with wings
Many times I have been transformed into a Knight that tried to slew the Dragon
But somehow I never save the damsel in distress, the beast always taught me a lesson
I remember one day I had a terrible cramp in my gut
almost like some one had taken a machete and gave me a C Section cut
I was stuck in traffic, but was just fifteen minutes away from home
I nearly passed out thinking about my throne
I could not take it anymore, I broke a couple traffic laws and made mayhem on the streets
If I did not do this I knew I would have a messy car seat
On reaching home, I bust open the the front door while the pain kept me wrenched
I flew to the throne room to let out all of my sins
But a monster inside tried hard not to let them out,
so I drew my sword, I fought and I Shout

It gave me several punches to the stomach which made me yell
I almost surrendered and allowed it to drag me to hell
But the powers that be gave me strength to overcome
I made one last push and gave it a flung
It surrendered and began go down
Now that the beast has been slew I now feel at ease
Like Tonnes off me have been lifted, all it took was a little push and squeeze.

But one bright Sunday morning while I was about to head to the tennis court
I began to have this urge, don't know if it was the sweet and sour pork
I felt some horrible cramps as I head to the confession room
But then a little creature swooped passed my feet and blocked the door with a broom
"What the hell are you? get out of my way I need to go in."
"Not before you answer this riddle", he said with a grin.
"Now tell me my constipated friend,"
"The answer to this riddle and I won't bother you again"
"What is brown and sticky?"
"A stick you moron, now out of my way"
I gave the troll a kick and he flew into the air
Now I was free to enter my throne fair and square

These are the madness I have to face whenever I decide to go
When all I really want to do is to let out what is within so it can flow below.




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    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Well you are a better man than I Gunga Din. For it is incumbent upon me to break it up so the plumbing can deal with it. We love poopoo laughter around here.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I'm cracking up sitting here thinking about something brown and sticky. You are so funny with your off-beat rants. I must admit I've been there! lol...

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 4 months ago from Nibiru

      Hey Eric...have a good one

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 4 months ago from Queensland Australia

      This gave me a good laugh for this morning, Clive. I try never to dally long in the throne room...in and out lickety split (most times.)

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 4 months ago from Nibiru

      Hey there ruby, glad I made my far away friend laugh.

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 4 months ago from Nibiru

      hello Jodah....glad you enjoyed it

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